Denice 1

It was the day after, the day after the first class in magic, for me. At first it was all normal. But then I started to think I heard things. Things about me, I first did not believe. Weather I actually did hear it, or I only imagined it, who cares, I thought I did hear it, and that was only the first day ..

Day by day, it got worse. And worst was outside the classroom. Inside was the teacher, the teacher I trusted, the teacher had after all helped save me .. That felt good ..

Though it was also worse around the .. this Ismail. After all, he said the initial word .. What if he did it again? Ok, he had been there to help me, I've been told ..

Ok, that's all very good and all. But the most embarrassing about this, with Ismail, I sometimes think I love the guy. Maybe that's why I believe them, when they say .. he was there? He was there, help saving me. Funny, I felt drawn to this Ismail .. but now I was repelled. I dared not be as close to him. Most certainly, I seldom spoke to him .. Not that I did not want to, but not speaking to him, eliminated the feeling of that disaster, or so I thought .. well, it did not bring on a new one.

Days went by, first everything went to hell, then, at last, slowly, gradually, confides came back. Life was coming back. Actually, nowadays, I was rather silent. Maybe people would like me better now, I wandered. I had noticed someone. A boy by the name of Murphy , who seemed rather nice. He was not in the magic class. I felt good about that , not that I did not like magic, but for now, it still felt best. I had found him in the philosophy class. He'd been speaking about the subject at hand ..

I had then found him intriguing, appealing. Ok, I had had no problems finding someone appealing, I did this all too often ..

Then I was at them, too much, I had come to realize. I had come to realize, I spoke too much. Maybe I had liked to talk to Ismail, too much, so I had forgotten to listen to him? I had also forgotten to stop eating, because I liked that particular food too much?

Since that fateful day, I had eaten .. and spoken less. Now I listened more, enjoyed food even more. I let things take it's time, I have that time. Or so I wanted to believe. For if I did not have that time? What's the use? What's the use of anything? Actually, nowadays, I do not want to know.

Ok, I know, some still consider me a nag? Maybe I still do not care, or care even less now? Maybe I still eat too much? Now I still keep to the corners. I still fear open places since then. And, furthermore .. I fear, I always will? This is frightening, bothersome .. Yes, bothersome indeed, I do not like to hide .. like this.