Repeating Apologies

I tossed and turned but couldn’t sleep any. If anything, I was just hurting myself. I decided to get up and head out into the living room, where I saw Tino sitting there cheering for something on television. I walked over to the couch and sat next to him. He glanced at me then back at the television. I hugged my knees, laying my head on my knees and watched the game. I didn’t have a clue what was on really.

“Jess, you alright?” Tino asked. I shrugged.

“I suppose. I guess, I will be in time.” I said softly. He opened his arms up then grabbed one of my arms gently and pulled me into his side.

“We’re not going to let that dick get you again. I promise you that. “ He said. I felt him kiss the top of my head and my eyes were slowly drifting off when there was a knock on the door. I sat up and looked around.

“Dani and Phil went and got pizza. That must be the others.” Tino said standing up. I went back to the same position I was in before Tino pulled me into his side.

“You alright, babe?” I heard Austin ask. I looked up and saw Austin standing beside the couch by the doorway. I nodded.

“I will be. Thanks.” I said. He walked over quickly and sat down beside me, pulling me into a hug.

“Yo, Jess. Can I borrow you for a sec?” Tino asked from the kitchen. Austin let me go and I stood up and walked into the kitchen. The other two walked out and it was just Tino and I there.

“Jess, please don’t shut us out. We’re trying to help you. “ He said. I nodded.

“Thanks, Tino. I appreciate it. I do. I’m just scared and if I seem distant then it’s just that I’m scared. I just went through something scary. Do you not see my face?” I asked angrily. Tino nodded.

“I didn’t mean to upset you, Jess. I just want you to know that we’re all care and we’re all here for you. We’re like family now.” He said. I shook my head.

“I don’t have family, Tino. My family doesn’t give a shit about me.” I said. This time Tino shook his head.

“That’s bullshit, Jess. You have Dani. Dani is your family. We’re your family. We all care about you.” He said pulling me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly.

“Thank you, Tino. Thank you so much.” I said after we pulled apart.

“Don’t thank me, Jess. Never thank me for something like this.” He said then kissed my forehead. I smiled then we walked back into the living room and they all started watching the television again. A few minutes later, Dani and Phil came back with pizza but I wasn’t hungry.

“All right guys, dinner is ready.” Dani said when she finished in the kitchen. I sat still and watched all the others walk into the kitchen. A few minutes later, Austin walked out and sat next to me.

“You aren’t eating?” He asked.

“I’m not feeling good. Pizza doesn’t sound too good.” I said. He nodded then took a bite off his slice. Things were silent again and I was enjoying it. I looked around and noticed Dani and Phil were gone. They never were around with us. They never seem to want to be around any of us. I frowned. I felt Austin nudge me. I looked over at him and nodded towards the kitchen. I stood up and walked into the kitchen and cleaned up the mess that everybody made. I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around. I saw Austin standing there, smiling. I hugged him tightly.

“Thank you.” I said looking up at him.

“For what?” He asked.

“Today, you pretty much saved me. I owe you so much. So thank you is a start.” I said. I felt him rub my back as he shook his head.

“No guy should ever lay a finger on a woman, never, ever. That’s one thing my mother taught me to do, is to respect women. That jerk had it coming.” He said a bit angrily. I leaned up and kissed his cheek.

“Thank you, though. I appreciate it.” I said.

“I’m sure the others would have done it if I didn’t.” He said hugging me. We parted and I continued to clean up the kitchen. I cleaned the few dishes that built up from a few days. We really haven’t been home so they were just glasses.

Flashback

I swallowed the lump that was in my throat but one just kept forming back in the same spot. I excused myself to the restroom. I paced back and forth. I was shaking and sweating. I was having a break down. I looked at myself in the mirror. I didn't see anything special about me why he would be so obsessive with me. I dug through my purse and found the shiny metal thing I kept there for when things got too tough. I slid down the door not bothering to lock it. I pulled down my pant leg and stared at the cuts that was there already on my hip. I just held the razor there. I pressed it to my skin and slid it across. I was about to make another cut when the door opened and I heard a gasp. I looked up and saw Dani standing there. She ran over to me.

"What's wrong? Why are you doing this?" She asked grabbing my hand, making me stop from cutting anymore. I felt the tears falling now and I just wanted relief. I wanted to just escape.

"Blake. Blake is back." I said grabbing my phone and handing it to her. Her face paled.

“No, no, no. Oh My God. NO.” I shouted collapsing on the floor. I felt someone grab me under my arms, picking me up.

“Jess, Jess. What’s wrong?” I heard Austin ask. I heard running.

“Blake, Blake. No. No.” I screamed grabbing ahold of Austin tightly.

“Jess, please. Settle down. Blake is gone. Blake isn’t going to hurt you, Jess. He’s never going to hurt you again.” I heard Alan say and I felt someone rub my back. I cried into Austin shirt. I felt someone pick me up and I noticed it was Austin carrying me. Tino showing him where my room is.

“Stay with her, Austin.” Tino said. I climbed into my head and pulled Austin with me. He laid there and I cuddled up to him.

Flashback

"Fucking bitch, I told you I'd get you." He said swinging me around and slamming me into the wall. I bent over, trying to catch my breath. He grabbed my neck. I kneed him in the crotch. He let go and doubled over. I ran to the door, unlocking it and almost had the door opened when he grabbed me again. I screamed out hoping that someone would hear me. He pushed me to the ground and climbed ontop of me. He started punching me. Left fist collided with left side. Right fist collided with right side. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right.

I grabbed Austin tighter and he squeezed my shoulder and held me.

“Please, Please. Don’t. Leave. Me. Please.” I cried. I felt him kiss the top of my head as tears stained his shirt.

“Never, Jess. I’ll never let him get you. I promise you.” He whispered. I was calming down now and I felt myself drift to sleep because I knew it wasn’t going to last long. My sleeping never lasted long.