Safe Haven

If there was one thing I hated most, it was the stares.

Being John’s girlfriend in high school, I was automatically watched and scaled to size by other girls. As a student, I was constantly under watch simply because it all came too easily to me. People didn’t know how I could possibly know the answers to the impossible looking problems waiting for someone to solve. Even as a Watson, I was constantly watched considering my older brother’s once very prominent status as “partier”.

And now, as a girl who attempted suicide, I truly could never escape the eyes that lingered.

Even after my session with Dr. Fletcher, even after explaining that I simply lost track of time and that I knew I shouldn’t have lied to my parents about my whereabouts like some scolded teen, they were everywhere.

Ray had suddenly found a fascination in keeping me in sight while I worked and it felt like I couldn’t even use the bathroom at home without being interrupted. Whether it was my mother barging in to have one-on-one conversation with me through the shower curtain as I shaved my legs, or Ryder or my dad knocking on the door to tell me to hurry up, there was never a moment of peace.

So when Halvo strolled into The Poisoned Pen as I organized shelves with a boy I recognized vaguely as Nick Santino, the leading man of their band, I was a bit beyond annoyed with the lack of privacy and the fact that I could never truly escape anything while I was in Tempe.

Before I even had the chance to find safety in the backroom among the bookwork that I’d been neglecting, he spotted me and was walking over.

And I was frozen in place, angry with him, with the situation, with everything.

I didn’t want to hear anything he had to say.

“Hey Marlow,” he said with such an ease that it caught me off guard and knocked all my defenses down with it.

Staring up at his thin face in confusion, I took in the small smile, the way his eyes focused on mine, and the completely relaxed body posture that hung over his shoulder.

“How’s it going? I haven’t seen you in a while…”

I only blinked at him, shocked stupid. Blinking at him a few times, I slowly turned away from him and wandered to the backroom where the spreadsheets were waiting for me, begging me to fill out properly and organize.

But even with the sign that declared “Employees Only” in strangely girly print tacked to the open door, Halvo followed behind me, seating himself in the chair across the desk as I tried regaining control of my brain functions.

Sitting across from one another, I could only stare as I stretched my folded fingers.

“Nice welcome,” he stated sarcastically, his smile still working its way across his face. “I’d prefer a hug, maybe a smile, but I guess at this point I’ll settle with a simple, ‘hello’ if you can manage that.”

Shifting in my seat uncomfortably, I took in the awkward boy living up to his reputation as he crossed his legs – the one sitting position that freaked me out when guys did it. “I don’t know what to say to you,” I stated honestly, leaning back.

What was I supposed to say? You know Halvo, I was ‘spying’ on you in the grocery store the other day… Just wanted to let you know that you surprised me so much that I had a panic attack in the parking lot. I’m sure that wouldn’t be weird at all…

“How about ‘Hi Halvo! You’re so sexy now that you’re out of high school and in a band that actually makes money. That Noel, I’m just so damn jealous of her!’” I watched as he spoke, faking flipping his hair and using an obnoxious tone in attempt to mimic me.

I only stared with pinched lips.

He didn’t take notice of the unmoved expression.

“What are you doing here?”

He slouched in the hard plastic chair, tugging down his shirt. “Nick’s in town and needed a little inspiration. That and he’s freaking out about losing his copy of Harry Potter.” Halvo rolled his eyes before focusing back on me.

I rubbed my palms over the thighs of my jeans, looking down to avoid cracking a smile at the ridiculousness of the situation. Only Halvo could manage to break me down so easily.

“John’s not going to be happy with you if he found out you were here.”

Halvo only blinked at me, studying my serious face for a moment. “He’s not my babysitter.”

“No, but he is your best friend.”

Picking up a pen, I opened the spreadsheet before me.

“John doesn’t know everything.” I froze just as I touched the tip of the pen to page, forcing myself not to flinch at the words. “I do. And you’re still my best friend too, Marlow.”

He reached over and rested his hand over mine.

“Marlow? Marlow, get in the car.”

I stared at Noel, crossing my arms over my chest. Why? Why did I need to get in the car?

“Please, Marlow?” I watched as she frantically dug through her oversized purse, glancing at me with lines of stress crossing her forehead. “Please get in the car,” she said again, holding out a wadded but clean tissue to me.

Hesitantly taking it from her, I only could stare as she held onto the open passenger seat door for me.

“Halvo and I just want to help you.”

Help me. That’s all they wanted.

Nodding, I took a shaky step toward her and slid into the car where Halvo was waiting behind the wheel, doing exactly as Noel had instructed just minutes earlier.

I noticed the way his hands were gripping the steering wheel, and the way he looked at me like he was about to throw up. And I noticed the way Noel looked like she didn’t really know what to do as she rushed to climb in the backseat.

“Do you want me to call anyone Marlow?” Noel asked as Halvo started driving.

Why would I need to call someone? My parents were sleeping, Sebastian was vacationing with Anita, and John was still at the party. I didn’t need to talk to anyone.

Shaking my head, I leaned back in the seat and stared blankly out the window, trying to take everything in.

As we ran a red light, Halvo reached over and grasped my hand.

Jerking my hand away, I cleared my throat and searched the room for anything to busy myself with. I ended up smoothing my own hair when nothing else came to mind.

“Everything okay back here?” Ray asked from the door, making the two of us sitting jump.

I glanced up at her and forced a smile. “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

Smiling, she skimmed her eyes over Halvo’s beanstalk of a body before slowly backing out of the room to more than likely help Nick with his shopping.

“Thanks Halvo,” I mumbled after a moment of silence. “You should probably go find Nick – I have a lot of work to catch up on.”

“Okay, I guess I can take a hint,” he teased, standing up from his chair. “You know, Noel and I are hosting a barbeque Friday night to celebrate her finally dragging her ass down here to see us. You should stop by.” He stole a sticky note from the desktop and took a pen from the cutesy coffee mug that Laurel was using as a holder before scrawling something down on it. “Here’s the address to my new house,” he said, reaching out and tacking the sticky liner to my forehead.

Grinning like a fool, he took a step backwards. “If you don’t come, Marlow, I am going to be very upset…” he said before leaving me to the books and pulling the post it note off of my forehead.

I waited for what felt like an hour for the bell to ring out through the store, signaling that they left before I rose from my chair.

“Ray? I think I’m going to take my lunch break now,” I called as I gathered my things and took the backdoor that led out to the employee parking lot.