Safe Haven
Chapter Eighteen
There was something beautiful in chaos.
The way people interacted, the way they had seemingly no direction, no purpose. It was humans at their most vulnerable, and something about it fascinated me.
Standing at the top of the staircase, eyes turned downward as I leaned forward against the railing, I took in the party unfolding before me – the way people, complete strangers, mixed into one interesting mass of people.
Familiar hands fell on my hips and the soft but firm kiss that I’d grown to appreciate was upon my cheek before I could even move. Grinning, I glanced over my shoulder to see John. “What are you doing, Marlow?”
“People watching,” I admitted, turning to fully face him. “What are you doing?”
“Marlow-watching.”
I laughed a little. “What are you really doing?”
“Marlow-watching,” he insisted. “Why? Can I not look at my girlfriend now? Especially when she’s not really socializing tonight?”
I stared up at him, taking in the glints of curiosity in his green eyes and the way he’d forgotten to shave this morning, a look that I didn’t particularly like on him. “No, you can. Why aren’t you out there?” I asked, nudging my head toward the crowds.
He shrugged. “I’m just worried about you…”
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. He had been, and he’d even mentioned it at the last family dinner we’d had at my parents’ house naturally raising red flags for them, setting me up for an intervention.
Apparently everyone thought I was working too hard, but in college, with the classes I was taking, I couldn’t afford not to work hard. Not with an apartment to pay for, not with two jobs that I used to make that money, not with those loans to pay off and a GPA to keep up.
“I’m fine,” I insisted. “After this exam tomorrow I’ll lay off a little, I promise.”
“You’re going to burn yourself out if you keep it up,” he warned.
I knew. I already did feel a little burnt out. But he didn’t need to know that.
I forced a smile. “Where is everyone?” I asked, glancing around.
He shrugged. “Who cares?”
“I care!” I pouted, leading him downstairs. “Come on. We have to find Jared. He wanted me to introduce him to some girl…”
It was my unofficial job in the band of mostly guy friends: I was their unofficial wingwoman – the girl that had all the connections among the female specie.
They thought I was a miracle worker.
After managing to not only track down Jared, but earn him some brownie points with a girl named Tessa, I found myself searching for John after he’d strayed to track down Halvo.
And I did find him, partially drunk after winning a close game of beer pong, too tipsy for me to trust him to drive me home like he said he would.
It all spiraled out of control so fast. John kept apologizing, I was starting to get desperate because I wanted to study some more for my eight AM class, none of our other friends seemed to be around and I didn’t have the heart to pull Jared away from the conversation I’d just pulled him into.
But then my ironic saving grace came into the picture.
His name was Xavier, and he was only an acquaintance to me.
He was John’s best friend from some summer camp that he used to attend and for two weeks each summer, he came down to Tempe from his hometown in northern Arizona to stay in the O’Callaghan’s summer rental home so that he and John could have ‘Bro-Time’.
I never really took the opportunity to actually get to know him, even with John’s insistence. We'd tried talking, only to never really find any suitable topics. It was always extremely awkward, almost to the point where I felt uncomfortable around him most of the time.
Everyone else seemed to like him though.
“What’s up?” he asked, turning his purple and white baseball cap so that it was backwards on his head.
“Dude! I thought you weren’t planning on coming!” John exclaimed.
“I wasn’t, but I thought ‘what the hell?’” he stated, smiling at the two of us. I stared at him, forcing a weak smile back.
“Can you do me a huge favor?” John asked, instantly catching my attention.
“Sure, dude. What’s going on?”
“Marlow needs a ride back to her apartment-” John started.
Xavier’s bright blue eyes turned to me, “Not up for partying tonight?”
“I have to study…”
“I see. Yeah, I can give you a lift over there. It’s the one on Ashland, right?”
I nodded, feeling slightly childish for John to have to make arrangements to get me back to my own house, but regardless of the embarrassment I felt, mixed with that slightly uncomfortable feeling of having a basic stranger drive me around, I agreed. He was friends with John, close enough friends to make the travel down just to spend time with him.
With one quick kiss goodnight shared between John and I and him making me promise to actually get some sleep, Xavier and I were out in his car and driving in the direction of town.
“Do you mind if we stop at the O’Callaghan’s place?” he asked. “I forgot my cell phone and I was planning on going back to the party after dropping you off.”
“Sure…” It really wasn’t that far off course, and I really hated coming off as a bitch as it seemed I always did around him. I took it as a chance to redeem myself. “So, are you in college?” I asked, hoping that light conversation would ease the knot in my stomach from not really knowing him.
“Yeah. I’m at the University of San Diego during most of the year. I’m actually moving there once I get back…”
“Nice. You obviously like it there then?”
He nodded, glancing over to me.
“What’s your major?”
“Business administration.”
I nodded, turning to stare out the windshield awkwardly at the un-conversational tone of his voice.
It didn’t take that long for his car to wind through the woods back to the house that I’d been in countless numbers of times, only he didn’t get out of the car which triggered so many creepy-crawling feelings inside that I actually reached for the door handle and kept my hand there. “Are you going to get your phone?” I asked, trying to sound calm after a few moments, but my voice came out sounding shaky.
“John is so lucky that you’re his girlfriend, you know…”
“Thanks… I’ll tell him that,” I stated uncomfortably, confused as to what the hell was going on. Was I overreacting? Was he just trying to be nice? He was John’s friend, so he couldn’t be threatening… John wouldn’t send me off with some person that he didn’t trust… I was just tired… It was just my imagination. Xavier wasn't a creep, and wasn't intentionally scaring me.
It happened so fast – so incredibly fast that I let go of the door handle in shock before actually pushing him away: his lips were suddenly attached to mine, his hands wrapped around the back of my neck, pulling me into it.
“What are you doing!?” I cried, wiping at my mouth as soon as there was some distance between us. I didn’t plan on waiting around for the response. I was going to run, deeming this guy as a freak and burying the experience forever, but that didn’t happen.
Suddenly, he was launched over the top of me, trapping me in the front seat of his car – how in God’s name he did it so effortlessly and quickly in a less than spacious area confounding me.
“You’re perfect, you realize that right? All he ever talks about is you, and how wonderful you are."
"Xavier, John's going to be pissed when he finds out that you kissed me. Do you really want to make it worse than what it already is?"
He didn't pay mind to what I said. "I knew I liked you the first time I laid eyes on you, but you're such a fucking tease... All these years of hanging around, just waiting for you to acknowledge me, but you never did, did you Marlow? Always too busy, always caught up with John..."
"Xavier, I barely even know you! What did you expect me to do? Drop everything in my life to fucking spend two weeks hanging out with you? John's my boyfriend for Christ's sake!" I cried, not ever realizing the extent of those stares I'd used to catch him in - not ever realizing the obsession he had...
With as much force as I could muster up I attempted to hurt him. I just needed to inflict enough pain to distract him.
And I did manage to make his nose bleed, but I never considered him being able to do the same amount of damage to me, and he did.
He did so much worse.
The memories started blurring after I felt him hit me. There was a struggle, and I knew exactly what happened, but the details weren't there. I was raped.
I was raped.
The next thing I knew was that I'd found a way out, a way to shimmy out from beneath him - already too late to spare me the damage, but early enough to get out before anything worse could happen.
I remembered my bracelet catching and snapping on the car door as I ran, slamming it as hard as I could behind me, smashing his hand in the process.
And then I ran. I ran by Ravenrot, I ran with blood pouring out of my nose like a faucet, I ran and swerved and tried not to stay in a straight line out of fear for as long as possible until finally, I was shaking and going so numb that it wasn’t possible anymore.
Until I wasn’t even able to think clearly.
Loud, summer class, exam the next afternoon, needing to go study, smiling, kissing John goodnight, windows rolled down, the sound of fireworks, getting out of the car, the chain snagging on the edge of the car door, the already feeble clasp snapping with the jerk of my arm. Noticing blood. Headlights, my name being called. Noel. The part where it becomes blurry, the fear settling in all over again.
The one that was supposed to help me the most was the one that did the most damage that night.
The way people interacted, the way they had seemingly no direction, no purpose. It was humans at their most vulnerable, and something about it fascinated me.
Standing at the top of the staircase, eyes turned downward as I leaned forward against the railing, I took in the party unfolding before me – the way people, complete strangers, mixed into one interesting mass of people.
Familiar hands fell on my hips and the soft but firm kiss that I’d grown to appreciate was upon my cheek before I could even move. Grinning, I glanced over my shoulder to see John. “What are you doing, Marlow?”
“People watching,” I admitted, turning to fully face him. “What are you doing?”
“Marlow-watching.”
I laughed a little. “What are you really doing?”
“Marlow-watching,” he insisted. “Why? Can I not look at my girlfriend now? Especially when she’s not really socializing tonight?”
I stared up at him, taking in the glints of curiosity in his green eyes and the way he’d forgotten to shave this morning, a look that I didn’t particularly like on him. “No, you can. Why aren’t you out there?” I asked, nudging my head toward the crowds.
He shrugged. “I’m just worried about you…”
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. He had been, and he’d even mentioned it at the last family dinner we’d had at my parents’ house naturally raising red flags for them, setting me up for an intervention.
Apparently everyone thought I was working too hard, but in college, with the classes I was taking, I couldn’t afford not to work hard. Not with an apartment to pay for, not with two jobs that I used to make that money, not with those loans to pay off and a GPA to keep up.
“I’m fine,” I insisted. “After this exam tomorrow I’ll lay off a little, I promise.”
“You’re going to burn yourself out if you keep it up,” he warned.
I knew. I already did feel a little burnt out. But he didn’t need to know that.
I forced a smile. “Where is everyone?” I asked, glancing around.
He shrugged. “Who cares?”
“I care!” I pouted, leading him downstairs. “Come on. We have to find Jared. He wanted me to introduce him to some girl…”
It was my unofficial job in the band of mostly guy friends: I was their unofficial wingwoman – the girl that had all the connections among the female specie.
They thought I was a miracle worker.
After managing to not only track down Jared, but earn him some brownie points with a girl named Tessa, I found myself searching for John after he’d strayed to track down Halvo.
And I did find him, partially drunk after winning a close game of beer pong, too tipsy for me to trust him to drive me home like he said he would.
It all spiraled out of control so fast. John kept apologizing, I was starting to get desperate because I wanted to study some more for my eight AM class, none of our other friends seemed to be around and I didn’t have the heart to pull Jared away from the conversation I’d just pulled him into.
But then my ironic saving grace came into the picture.
His name was Xavier, and he was only an acquaintance to me.
He was John’s best friend from some summer camp that he used to attend and for two weeks each summer, he came down to Tempe from his hometown in northern Arizona to stay in the O’Callaghan’s summer rental home so that he and John could have ‘Bro-Time’.
I never really took the opportunity to actually get to know him, even with John’s insistence. We'd tried talking, only to never really find any suitable topics. It was always extremely awkward, almost to the point where I felt uncomfortable around him most of the time.
Everyone else seemed to like him though.
“What’s up?” he asked, turning his purple and white baseball cap so that it was backwards on his head.
“Dude! I thought you weren’t planning on coming!” John exclaimed.
“I wasn’t, but I thought ‘what the hell?’” he stated, smiling at the two of us. I stared at him, forcing a weak smile back.
“Can you do me a huge favor?” John asked, instantly catching my attention.
“Sure, dude. What’s going on?”
“Marlow needs a ride back to her apartment-” John started.
Xavier’s bright blue eyes turned to me, “Not up for partying tonight?”
“I have to study…”
“I see. Yeah, I can give you a lift over there. It’s the one on Ashland, right?”
I nodded, feeling slightly childish for John to have to make arrangements to get me back to my own house, but regardless of the embarrassment I felt, mixed with that slightly uncomfortable feeling of having a basic stranger drive me around, I agreed. He was friends with John, close enough friends to make the travel down just to spend time with him.
With one quick kiss goodnight shared between John and I and him making me promise to actually get some sleep, Xavier and I were out in his car and driving in the direction of town.
“Do you mind if we stop at the O’Callaghan’s place?” he asked. “I forgot my cell phone and I was planning on going back to the party after dropping you off.”
“Sure…” It really wasn’t that far off course, and I really hated coming off as a bitch as it seemed I always did around him. I took it as a chance to redeem myself. “So, are you in college?” I asked, hoping that light conversation would ease the knot in my stomach from not really knowing him.
“Yeah. I’m at the University of San Diego during most of the year. I’m actually moving there once I get back…”
“Nice. You obviously like it there then?”
He nodded, glancing over to me.
“What’s your major?”
“Business administration.”
I nodded, turning to stare out the windshield awkwardly at the un-conversational tone of his voice.
It didn’t take that long for his car to wind through the woods back to the house that I’d been in countless numbers of times, only he didn’t get out of the car which triggered so many creepy-crawling feelings inside that I actually reached for the door handle and kept my hand there. “Are you going to get your phone?” I asked, trying to sound calm after a few moments, but my voice came out sounding shaky.
“John is so lucky that you’re his girlfriend, you know…”
“Thanks… I’ll tell him that,” I stated uncomfortably, confused as to what the hell was going on. Was I overreacting? Was he just trying to be nice? He was John’s friend, so he couldn’t be threatening… John wouldn’t send me off with some person that he didn’t trust… I was just tired… It was just my imagination. Xavier wasn't a creep, and wasn't intentionally scaring me.
It happened so fast – so incredibly fast that I let go of the door handle in shock before actually pushing him away: his lips were suddenly attached to mine, his hands wrapped around the back of my neck, pulling me into it.
“What are you doing!?” I cried, wiping at my mouth as soon as there was some distance between us. I didn’t plan on waiting around for the response. I was going to run, deeming this guy as a freak and burying the experience forever, but that didn’t happen.
Suddenly, he was launched over the top of me, trapping me in the front seat of his car – how in God’s name he did it so effortlessly and quickly in a less than spacious area confounding me.
“You’re perfect, you realize that right? All he ever talks about is you, and how wonderful you are."
"Xavier, John's going to be pissed when he finds out that you kissed me. Do you really want to make it worse than what it already is?"
He didn't pay mind to what I said. "I knew I liked you the first time I laid eyes on you, but you're such a fucking tease... All these years of hanging around, just waiting for you to acknowledge me, but you never did, did you Marlow? Always too busy, always caught up with John..."
"Xavier, I barely even know you! What did you expect me to do? Drop everything in my life to fucking spend two weeks hanging out with you? John's my boyfriend for Christ's sake!" I cried, not ever realizing the extent of those stares I'd used to catch him in - not ever realizing the obsession he had...
With as much force as I could muster up I attempted to hurt him. I just needed to inflict enough pain to distract him.
And I did manage to make his nose bleed, but I never considered him being able to do the same amount of damage to me, and he did.
He did so much worse.
The memories started blurring after I felt him hit me. There was a struggle, and I knew exactly what happened, but the details weren't there. I was raped.
I was raped.
The next thing I knew was that I'd found a way out, a way to shimmy out from beneath him - already too late to spare me the damage, but early enough to get out before anything worse could happen.
I remembered my bracelet catching and snapping on the car door as I ran, slamming it as hard as I could behind me, smashing his hand in the process.
And then I ran. I ran by Ravenrot, I ran with blood pouring out of my nose like a faucet, I ran and swerved and tried not to stay in a straight line out of fear for as long as possible until finally, I was shaking and going so numb that it wasn’t possible anymore.
Until I wasn’t even able to think clearly.
Loud, summer class, exam the next afternoon, needing to go study, smiling, kissing John goodnight, windows rolled down, the sound of fireworks, getting out of the car, the chain snagging on the edge of the car door, the already feeble clasp snapping with the jerk of my arm. Noticing blood. Headlights, my name being called. Noel. The part where it becomes blurry, the fear settling in all over again.
The one that was supposed to help me the most was the one that did the most damage that night.
♠ ♠ ♠
How did I mess up the chapter numbers on here vs. the secret access thing? I don't even know, and I am NOT fixing it haha. Speaking of... I just posted more. I only have a third of the next chapter written... And I apologize for not getting this out sooner. Life is crazy, and All Time Low officially owe me a new pair of chucks... or rather the people who damaged them by stepping on them at their concert do.Who saw this coming? Who was taken by surprise? Does this all make sense? I'm just wondering this because I wrote some of this on my work break today and I haven't officially looked it over.
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