I Know It's Hurting You, But It's Killing Me

-Brian's Point of View-

I grabbed a pen and paper and started scribbling words across the white surface.

"Matt;
Understand why I'm doing this. Don't text, don't call. I don't know if I want to see you again.
-Brian"

Sure I felt bad but I wasn't just going to patch things up. I didn't want to be in Huntington Beach if Matt was here. Why would I? I sighed as I walked from my house and to the car. I didn't think that anything that happened between us last night was actually going to happen but here we are.

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and I smiled.

Message from Zacky
"Miss you babe. Come over now?(:"

"Of course. I'll be there soon. Miss you more." I text back.

I rubbed my worn hands in my face. Matt could never ever know that I left him for Zacky. No one could know really.

-*

-Matty-

I held the piece of paper in my hands. "I don't know if I want to see you again." That hit me like a ton of bricks. That hit me harder than him not wanting texts or phone calls. I didn't think that Brian was really going to shut me out again. I didn't. I thought he changed and that maybe, just maybe he loved me again. Sure it was stupid and yes, it was childish to be upset but I really devoted my life to him for a really long time.

I didn't know where my car was so I had to call a cab. Today was starting off so shitty. I don't know what I did to deserve it but I must have done something severe to have this much karma.

When I was home I just laid in the living room with no ambition to do anything. I just wanted to sulk in my sadness and be a dramatic crybaby today. It seemed like that was the right thing to do, so here I was.

I heard a knock at the door and I didn't open it. I didn't want too. It wasn't Brian and it wasn't Jimmy. No one else ever showed up, not even my own family. I was alone every single day without Brian. It was hurting him, maybe. But it was definitely killing me.

-*

-Brian-

"You always make such a mess." I said as I pecked Zacky's lips and grabbed a towel. Matt was on my mind. I shouldn't be here. I didn't have a reason to be with Zacky other than he was always willing to have sex as a one night stand. But I could tell that he wanted to be with me. But I wanted Matt. No. I didn't, did I? I had gotten over him, or so I thought.

"I'm going to go. I need to just drive somewhere and collect my thoughts." I said in a grumble and pulled my clothes on my sweaty body. What the fuck was I doing?

I pulled into the very familiar cemetery and got out of the car. I walked down the path and sat before the stone that said Jimmy's body was there. I let a sigh escape my lips.

"Jimmy. What do I do? I don't know who to pick or if I should shut Matt out of my life again. This is becoming too much on me. I thought that if I could just get away from here for a while then I could get over him but when I came back I saw him. You know I did. You saw the whole thing. Then I just left him at my house with a note that said I didn't want to talk to him. Next thing I know I was at Zacky's and we hooked up. I can't tell who this is hurting. Me, Zack or Matt. But I'm guessing that if the two of them find out anything then we're all fucked. I wish you were here to snap me into shape. Just send me a sign of what to do. I need your advice."

"No," Matt's voice said from behind me and I jumped slightly. "You need help from a professional."

Oh. Fuck.