Never Lost a War

On the way back to the dorms from the bar, they stop at Ellie's sorority, because Ellie really wants to meet Cass and apparently there's always a party at the Delta Gamma sorority house, much to Alex's dismay.

Keller's there, and when she spots Jack she smiles and waves him over. "You haven't called me," she deadpans, and Jack's eyes widen because shit, is she mad about that, but she just laughs.

"I'm kidding, calm down," she says. "I didn't expect you to, Jesus. After your little... speech, it was pretty obvious that wasn't how it was gonna go."

Jack grins. "No, it's not, you're right. It would invalidate all of my data to call you," he says, very seriously.

She raises her eyebrows. "Your data? As in, you've gotten laid? Spill, Barakat, I want all the dirty details! Who'd you finally lose it to?"

Jack laughs. "Um, no one. Yet. Sadly."

Keller nods, commiserating. "Maybe you just need a lesson in flirting," she says thoughtfully.

"I can't flirt?" Jack says, raising his eyebrows.

"Um, you can, but only sort of," Keller says. "It's kind of one-sided. You don't pick up on other people flirting very well- See first time I met you for reference," she tells him.

Jack tilts his head sideways, confused in the way a puppy might be. "Okay, right. And you'd be willing to play teacher for this lesson?"

"Oh, yeah, totally," Keller says, nodding. "Here, go talk to that girl over there, I'll tell you if she's interested." She points to a blonde girl in an over-sized blue sweater, and Jack walks over to her as instructed.

"Hi, I'm Jack," he says to her, and the girl raises an eyebrow at him.

"I'm Terri," she says absently, and she looks down to examine her fingernails. "You dated Ellie, right? You would." She rolls her eyes. From across the room, Keller is shaking her head violently with her eyes wide. So, abort mission.

"Uh, yeah, I did." Jack coughs. "Well, I'll see you later," he mutters, and walks over to Keller. "So what the fuck was that?"

Keller laughs. "Just really not interested. Not even slightly, Christ. She definitely had a problem with Ellie, not you, though, if that softens the blow," she says, shrugging. "Alright, try her." She points to a tiny girl with light hair and big glasses. She's no taller than 5'1'', and she looks like she weighs about 80 pounds. She probably does.

Jack doesn't even have to go over to her, because they make eye contact, and she comes over to him. Keller looks excited."I'm Greta Rogers," she says, and Jack smiles at her.

"Jack Barakat," he tells her, and she smiles back. "Are you... a freshman?"

She laughs, and even Jack catches the bitterness in it, clueless as he usually is. "No, I'm graduating this year," she says. "Everyone thinks I'm a freshman, though, so. I mean, whatever," she mutters.

"Oh- That's great, you're graduating, good for you, then," Jack says, but he thinks he might have killed the mood a bit.

"Thanks," she says. Jack doesn't really feel thanked at all. He turns to Keller desperately and she mimics running, which Jack takes to mean he should probably leave right about now.

"Um," he says. "Nice meeting you, good luck um... graduating," he says, and walks back over to Keller.

"Ouch, struck out twice in a row," she says, and Jack roll his eyes. "But neither of them were your fault, really. The first girl was a bitch, and you really couldn't have known that the second one was a senior. She looks like a high schooler."

Jack laughs. "Yeah, okay, so I'm not crazy, she was abnormally small. And I hate to say it, but I really don't think this exercise has had any positive impact. Sorry, Keller."

Keller chuckles. "Apparently you're better on your own, then. Go forth, brave soldier. Fight for your sexual revolution, or whatever you're calling it."

Jack laughs. "Thank you?"

"Any time," Keller says, and leans up to kiss his cheek. "Honestly, I'd consider you a friend now, so anything you need," she says seriously, and Jack thinks he actually might call her sometime, because she's interesting and funny and he'd like to be friends with her, if not date her after this whole crazy bet is settled. He doesn't say any of that, though, just salutes her like the soldier he is, and grabs a drink before walking back over to Alex.

"I should test that first," Alex says, looking down inside Jack's red solo cup. "For... you know. Poison. You've probably offended a lot of girls here tonight, this isn't above them," he says seriously.

Jack grins; looks down at his cup and laughs, but he then he starts to get a little nervous when he considers how Alex might actually be right. Greta was particularly threatening. "Okay, yeah. You know, you wanna go back to the dorm now? The beer there isn't poisoned, or anything."

Alex smiles, and Jack tells himself that it's totally because of the whole sexually-frustrated-virgin thing that it makes his stomach feel a little strange and warm. "Yeah, I'd like that," he says.

From behind Alex, Keller is grinning like Christmas and her birthday and Hanukkah all just came on the same day, and she points to Alex and mouths 'flirting'.

Jack raises his eyebrows, and Alex furrows his. "What?"

"Nothing," Jack says. "Nothing at all."