A Daydream Away

I told Zack everything. How Jack and I were wrestling and when I ran downstairs. I told him how Jack kissed me. How I kissed back. I was panicking to say the least, and I think I was freaking Zack out. He knocked on my door fifteen minutes after I hung up on him. I felt tears bubble up in my eyes. “I screwed up, Zack.” My voice cracking as Zack pulls me into a hug. “It'll be okay, Alex. I bet you're overreacting.” I shake my head and walk over to the stairs. I sit down on one, and look up at Zack. “But it was so different when I kissed him..” Zack had his eyebrow raised, and knelt down in front of me. “What do you mean?” I take in a shaky breath, and look down. “It was better than any of the stuff I've ever done with Ariella.” I whisper, and Zack pats my back. “What are you going to do?” I bite my lip, “Stay with Ariella and become home schooled and live in a cave?” Zack rolls his eyes, and smacks me. “Seriously Alex, you can't stay with Ariella. From what you just told me-” I cut him off by glaring at him. “I'm not dumping Ariella. I've been with her for over a year now. I'm not leaving her because I accidentally kissed my best friend.” Zack sighed, and looked at me with a look I couldn't read. “You're in denial, Alex.” I scoff, rolling my eyes. “Yea. Right.” I stand up, and push past Zack. “I'm not in denial, Zack. I know I'm straight. I love boobs, and I love fucking girls. Not guys.” Zack stood up and just shook his head. “So that explains why it felt better when you kissed a guy than when you kissed a girl? Do you hear how ridiculous you sound?” I shrug, “I'm not gay, and I won't ever feel anything more for Jack other than him being my best friend.” Zack sighed, “Keep telling yourself that, Alex. Let's just hope when you realize how wrong you are, Jack will still be around.” He turns and leaves me standing there. I gnaw at my lip, and hug myself. I mean, Jack and I have always had a close relationship. We were always joking around, people would think we were gay. That Jack and I were together. But we'd laugh it off, well. I'd laugh it off. Jack would just smile. My eyes widen as I gasped. I'm such a dick. Jack has a crush on me and I've been leading him on. Because there is no way in hell I'm risking my friendship with Jack over a relationship I'd fuck up anyways. I'm too much of a insensitive manwhore. I sigh. I just, I haven't had the best relationships. Ariella is the only one who hasn't cheated on me, or all the other bad habits my exes have forced onto me. The last relationship I was in before Ariella destroyed me. Ever since, I haven't really been a relationship kind of guy. More of I-would-go-for-an-easy-fuck-then-leave kind of guy. One night stands were common. Especially since we started the band and started playing more shows. Girls always fling themselves at me, and well. I don't stop it. Ariella is a sweetheart, but I don't think I'm with her out of love, more out of convenience. But she was a good friend of all of us, then one drunken night, I awoke with her in my arms. Oops. Well, she was so happy, I couldn't reject her. So I asked her out, and haven't had the balls to dump her, or even have the decency to be faithful to her. I can't hurt her, I don't want to lose her friendship. So, knowing me, I'd probably get drunk, fuck some random girl, and then realize what happen. Jack finds out, pissed beyond anything, dumps me, and then I lose Jack. I shake my head. I can't lose Jack, he is my best friend. He has been there for me through everything. He has always been there, through every fight, through every break up, through every fucking thing imaginable. I can't hurt him, I just. I care way too much about him. He should understand, he'll get over it. I'm not right for him. I'm doing the right thing. I'll just tell him that we won't be able to be anything more than what we are. He'll be hurt for a little bit, but he'll spring right back. He has to, he's Jack. But if this is what's right, why do I feel like it isn't?

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