Dumb and Fearless

I stared anxiously at the walls of the waiting room, looking half-halfheartedly at a magazine I took off of the rack. There were a handful of other women in the waiting room, all of them with their husbands or boyfriends. In some cases, there was a friend or a mother, and a few of them had little toddlers hanging on them or running around the room causing ruckus. All of them had stomachs bulging more than mine.

Some looked happy, some looked at peace. Others looked exhausted or an array of different feelings. I could only imagine what I looked like to them. I felt nervous and like I might puke, which was actually sort of normal lately. I was terrified, I was alone, and I was totally and completely over my head.

"Daisy Royce?" a nurse called out, popping out of the door leading back to the examination rooms. I took a deep breath and stood shakily, giving her a weak smile.

"That's me," I murmured, and she smiled back as I grabbed my purse from the chair beside me.

"All set?" she asked, holding the door open for me.

"Yeah," I breathed out, making my way towards her.

"No, wait!"

I blinked a few times and dropped my purse in surprise. It hit the ground with a thunk, but I paid no attention as my eyes focused intently on the lanky, out-of-breath man standing at the entrance to the waiting room.

"John?" I gasped lightly, tilting my head and trying to make sure he was really there. His cheeks were red and his tawny hair was tousled. He was looking at me with a shade of relief in his eyes, and all I could do was stand there and blink wordlessly.

"Is there a problem?" the nurse asked, and I shook my head.

"No, no everything's totally fine. He's my boyfriend," I said, still in a state of shock.

"He can join us, if you'd like, but not at first," she informed me quietly enough so I was the only one who heard, and I nodded.

"Yeah, sure," I said, my eyes still trained on his.

"I'll come out and get you once we finish the physical, sir," the nurse said politely, and soon, he was by my side, one hand on the small of my back, and my purse in his other hand.

"Sounds great," he said, flashing her a breathtaking grin.

"You're supposed to be in LA," I said softly, looking up at him as the nurse pretended not to be listening.

"And miss this?" he asked, a crooked smile on his face. "No way."

"But how did you know?" I asked, still so incredibly confused. He chuckled a bit and kissed my forehead as the nurse bit her lip impatiently.

"We can talk about it after."

"But-"

"Later," he repeated, subtly looking at the nurse.

"Promise?" I asked, and he nodded, brushing the hair from my face and handing me my purse.

"Promise."

With that I followed the nurse back to the hallway, my heart echoing in my ears. She led me to a room and instructed me to sit down, which I did without a word. She questioned me about my medical history and occasionally scribbled things down, and then I waited as she went to get the doctor.

The physical examination was a blur, and all I could think about was John in the waiting room. I was anxious to talk to him, and I was anxious to hear the doctor talk more about our little one, as Kennedy would say.

After what seemed like an eternity, the nurse was sent to fetch John. I didn't care that I was in sweats and my hair was as per usual, a mess, or that my socks didn't match, or even that I was sitting in a doctor's office and they were going to send me for blood work in a little bit. I just cared about the look on his face when he entered the room. He gave me a supportive smile and sat beside me, and I finally allowed myself to breathe.

I grabbed onto his hand tightly, and from the corner of my eye I could see him smile a bit as the nurse hooked up one of the tools. He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze, and I resisted the urge to bite on my thumb. Instead, I squeezed his hand back tightly.

"We're just going to listen to the heartbeat, okay?" Dr. Jane said kindly.

"Okay," I repeated nervously, glancing at John, who motioned for me to breathe.

It was dead silent as I laid back down on the table, my shirt rolled up to just beneath my chest. It looked like John was holding his breath, and heaven knows I was. Dr. Jane lightly pressed the Doppler against the small bump of my stomach, and I squeezed John's hand even tighter, just because of my nerves.

Suddenly, a quiet thudding filled the room, and I looked at John with eyes the size of saucers. He was mirroring my look, a huge smile on his face. Dr. Jane smiled at us, and she eased up a bit on my stomach.

"That's the heartbeat," she said, looking between us; however, we were too busy looking at each other.

"Congratulations, you two. The expected due date at this point is around the middle of June, my guess at this point is between the sixteenth and twentieth. When we do an actual ultrasound at your next appointment, we'll pinpoint an exact date for you."

"Thank you," I choked out, tears of joy in my eyes as our baby's heartbeat echoed around the room.

"Thank you so much," John repeated, gazing lovingly at me, his eyes glossy. I was speechless; I had seen a lot of things from John, but crying was never one of them.

"You're welcome," Dr. Jane said happily, taking the Doppler off of me completely as John leaned in to kiss me. My spine tingled as I kissed him back, the kiss full of something I'd never felt before. It was the start of a new beginning for us.



"That was incredible," John whispered, sliding into the seat across from me at the restaurant. I took a bite of my burger, my eyes betraying the indifference I wanted to give him.

"I know," I murmured back after swallowing the bite.

He played with his fries, and I watched him wordlessly. I wanted to be angry about what had happened before he left, but with the sound of the little one's heartbeat still playing in my head, I couldn't do it.

"John?" I said softly, gnawing on my straw as he looked up.

"What's up?" he inquired, and I took a big breath and watched the light above us.

"You have some explaining to do, I believe," I mumbled, and his face fell a bit. He grabbed my hand from across the table and did his best to catch my eye.

"Shay, please look at me," he pleaded, and I obliged hesitantly.

His olive eyes were grasping onto my heart, and I knew that he was already forgiven. However, I bit my lip and kept my mouth clamped shut. He sighed and held my hand tighter between both of his. I raised my eyebrows and waited for him to say something, but he was quiet for a moment.

"I know I was wrong. I know it was incredibly stupid of me to react like I did. I know you deserve so much better than me." I opened my mouth to protest, but he shook his head and kept going. "I'm so sorry about the way I acted. If I have to, I will spend every day for the rest of our lives making it up to you, and proving to you that I am here for you, whatever life throws at us."

I smiled a bit, my eyes watering from the overwhelming emotions coursing through my veins. I wrapped my fingers around his wrist and lifted his hands to my lips, kissing them gently. He smiled, his eyes glossing over a bit like they had just an hour ago in the doctor's office.

"I love you," he whispered, leaning over the table and kissing my temple. "God, I love you so much, and I'm gonna love the hell out of this baby. I already do."

"I love you, John," I whispered back, my words broken up by tears. I let go of his hand and reached up to wipe my eyes, and John watched me, the love so obvious in his eyes. "You still never answered my question."

"What question?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at me. I laughed a bit, picking up a fry.

"How did you know where I was?" I asked, and he gave me a childish grin and shrugged.

"I'm psychic," he said smoothly, and I threw my fry at him, hitting him dead between the eyes.

"Shut up," I demanded with a roll of my eyes. "Seriously, how did you know?"

"You said something about it when you broke the news to me. You probably thought I was panicking too much to understand, but I remembered," he explained, and I nibbled on my thumb. He gave me a pointed look, and I dropped it, instead chewing on a fry.

"But how did you know where? Or when, for that matter?" I grilled, and one look at his sheepish face and I knew. "Oh, that fucking traitor! Wait 'til I get my hands on him!"

"Shay, don't be upset," John said calmly, but my hormones had obviously caught a ride on the crazy train.

"I made him fucking promise that he wouldn't say anything to you! He fucking promised, the little fucking traitor!"

"He's your best friend, Shayla."

"I know! But he swore! I'm gonna get that sucker back," I fumed, and John's face was a mix between amused and concerned.

"Baby, he was just looking out for you. Besides, he didn't say anything to me, I wrangled it out of him. He was giving me dirty looks the entire trip, and I knew he must know about it-"

"The little one," I interrupted, and he looked at me strangely.

"The little one?" he repeated dubiously.

"It's what Kennedy calls the baby. He thinks it's much better than 'it', 'cause, you know, the little one can hear us," I informed him in my best, stern, voice.

"My god, what has happened to him?" John laughed, and I shrugged.

"I've been asking myself that all week."

"But what I was saying," he remembered, looking at me seriously. "I knew he knew about the little one, and I confronted him about it, and he gave me an earful."

"I told him not to!"

"I know. But I'm glad he did. He set me straight, and I asked him about your appointment, and you told him Saturday when it was, and I saw my chance for redemption and took it."

"I'm sorry he yelled at you," I mumbled, and he laughed, grabbing my hand again.

"Don't be. I needed to hear it. In fact, I deserved it, but we both know you weren't going to do it."

"You don't know that. The hormones do crazy things," I protested.

"And I'll gladly take anything you throw at me. I'm in this with you, Shayla. I'm sorry I made you think any differently."

"I love you," I blurted out, looking at this humbled, beautiful man in front of me. He cracked a smile, and brushed my hair out of my face.

"I love you too. And I'm sorry, about everything."

"Get over here," I laughed, and he quickly stood up, crossed the distance between us, and engulfed me in his arms, his lips grazing the top of my head. I felt completely and utterly content and the overwhelming feelings were held at bay for a short moment.