Dumb and Fearless

It was really hard to say goodbye to John, my fiance. We stood out in the street, holding on to each other for dear life when the time came. The sun was just starting to rise, and my exhaustion was making things worse. John kept rubbing his droopy eyes, and my eyes were fluttering shut over the tears.

"Only a little while longer," he promised, kissing my forehead and pulling me to his chest. The November air was cold, and I buried my face in the warmth of John's shirt.

"I know," I mumbled, sniffling a little bit.

He leaned down and brought his lips to mine, and I knew he really had to leave now. We'd been putting it off for the better part of twenty minutes. He'd technically said goodbye multiple times, but he couldn't bring himself to walk into that car and drive away just yet, and I didn't want to let him.

"I love you, Shay," he whispered as he pulled away, and I pulled his face back down to mine for one last kiss.

"I love you too, John," I said, my voice wavering a bit as my eyes locked on the car behind him.

"I'll see you in a week. Maybe less," he promised, and I nodded against his flannel shirt.

"I'll be right here, waiting," I vowed in a scratchy, sleepy voice.

His lips grazed the top of my head, and I watched wordlessly as he walked around to the driver's side and got in. He shot me a last glance and waved, a small smile on his face. I blew him a kiss and waved back with my best attempt of a smile, and then I watched his car disappear and become just a tiny spot on the horizon.

It sucked watching him leave, especially so soon after we made up and so soon after the events of the past day. A new page as parents-to-be and an engaged couple had just started for us, and already we were apart. My bare feet were turning to ice in the dewy grass, but still I couldn't bring myself to go back inside the apartment yet. I held some comfort in his words though, and the ring encircling my finger.

It was a much better farewell than the last one we had, and I was grateful for that. I raised my hand to my lips once more and blew another kiss, even though he was much to far to see it anymore. Finally, once I was convinced he was almost to the highway, I made my way towards the apartment.



"Girl, I feel like I haven't seen you in ages!" Mia teased, pulling me into a hug.

I laughed a little, holding her tiny frame close to me. All around us people were chattering, laughing, and eating, and the aroma of pasta lingered in the air. My stomach grumbled, which was one of it's two characteristics lately: hungry and nauseous. Quite frankly, I liked the hunger better than the nausea, but it was a close call.

"It's only been two weeks," I pointed out, and she scoffed, sitting down across the table from me.

"Two weeks too long," she retorted as the waiter came over. I rolled my eyes at her, but turned my attention to the man dressed in white and black.

"What can I get you ladies to drink this afternoon?" he asked politely, and Mia eyed the menu.

"I'll have water," I said automatically, and he scribbled it down.

"I'll have the same as her," Mia decided.

"Okay, I'll have those out for you soon," he said, and we thanked him.

"But seriously, I was looking forward to have someone to cry with when when the guys had to leave. Why weren't you at the studio to see them all off?" she asked, and I blinked a few times trying to think my way out of it.

"John and I got into a fight before I left," I said with a shrug, deciding it was the truth.

"What?" she screeched, looking heartbroken.

"We're fine," I assured her, realizing what she thought. "I swear. This is his hoodie and everything."

"That would explain why you're drowning in it," she joked, and I rolled my eyes once more. "What happened?"

I swallowed, my mouth suddenly dry. My eyebrows knit together, and I raised my thumb to my mouth, nibbling gently on the nail. She raised her eyebrows, and I cursed myself internally.

"It was just stupid stuff. I said something, and he was upset and stormed off before we could talk about it and went straight to the studio. I figured it wasn't the best place to continue our fight, so I stayed at my apartment. But he drove back yesterday, and we worked it out."

"I don't know why this surprises me," she laughed, taking a sip of her water.

"What do you mean?" I asked, raising my eyebrows curiously.

"When I met you guys, you and John were fighting. I asked Jared, and he did this weird mix between a dramatic sigh and chuckle and said you two were always going at it," she explained, and I made a face.

"Huh," I muttered, thinking it over.

"What?"

"He has a point I guess. I mean, we've never been shy in pointing out when the other is being crazy or an ass. We've never held back on what we're thinking."

"It's a part of what makes you two lobsters," she said, and I blinked at her a few times

"Lobsters?" I asked, bursting out into an incredulous laugh.

"Yeah," she said, almost looking offended. "Have you never seen Friends?"

"The TV show?"

"Yes. In one of the episodes, Phoebe says that Ross and Rachel are lobsters because lobsters mate for life and they hold claws in the tank and..." she trailed off, seeing the look on my face.

"I'm still trying to get over the fact you just called me a red sea creature with claws," I commented, and she scrunched her nose.

"Well, if the hair fits..."

I gasped and threw my hand over my heart. "You suck."

"Don't I know it," she replied, smiling broadly at me. I couldn't keep the smile off of my face, so I did my best disappointed head-shake.

"I can't believe you're one of my best friends," I teased.

"Well, have you seen your other friends?" she countered. "I mean, I'm the most normal of the bunch. It's obviously not a question of my personality, but one of your choice in friends."

I stared at her for a moment before covering my face with my hands in an attempt to shield the smirk. "You're right. I need new friends."

"Or better judgement," Mia added with a shrug. Suddenly, she gasped, and I peeked at her through my fingers.

"Are you okay?" I asked, tilting my head at her awed expression.

"Do you wanna explain to me that ring on your finger?" she asked slowly, and my mind raced.

Shit.

"Um," I mumbled, quickly pulling my hands into my lap. "I plead the fifth."

"No way in hell is that happening. Let me see!" she demanded, and I relented, giving her my left hand. "Oh my god. It's beautiful."

"Thanks," I murmured, hoping the conversation would end there. But naturally, I was wrong.

"When did this happen?"

"Last night," I answered sheepishly. We were both silent for a few moments as she put together her thoughts. Finally, she spoke, her words careful and precise.

"Shay, this is crazy. You guys have been together for like two months."

"I know."

"So you wanna explain?"

"I can't. I mean, I just know," I said, closing my eyes. "I have known since the day I met him that he was the one for me. I know it's crazy, and I know we haven't technically been dating that long, but he's my best friend. I love him, and he knows all of the messed up stuff in my mind and past, and he loves me anyway. I've loved him for a long time, and marrying him just makes sense to me."

I opened one of my eyes to gauge her reaction, and I saw the corner of her lip twitch up slightly. I opened my other eye, but continued to hold my breath.

"I'm happy for you," she said finally, and I exhaled.

"Thank you," I whispered, beaming at her.

"I told you you were lobsters."