Gay Men 101
my ass is tempting, what can I say?
“I’m gay.”
I looked over at the guy I’d been best friends with since the second grade, who I’d spent my life with side-by-side for ten years, who I persevered through puberty with, who I had my first beer with, who I’d basically shared my life with, and burst out laughing.
“Oh yeah, and I’m the queen of England, sure.”
I smirked at him knowingly, throwing my hands behind my head and placing both my palms against the nape of my neck. The sun was beating down, remnants of summer still lingering in the breeze, school still clashing with my internal vacation clock that I’d formed over the last couple months.
I should’ve been sleeping for another four hours- at least.
But the thing was, if Adam was gay, then I was New York apple martini homosexual along with half the other guys at our school. He was every American dad and football coach’s wet dream with dark hair and a powerhouse body that completely tore apart the competition, he was about as gay as a meat on a stick with a handlebar moustache on it. I laughed again at the thought. Adam wasn’t gay.
Maybe all understanding or whatever, but I’m pretty sure that was just a ruse to get girls, because to me he was certainly a dick a good lot of the time.
“Luka, I’m being serious here,” he pressed, his face void of any expression. That was Adam though, reserved, cautious, a hell of lot more thoughtful than I was. Chicks dug that sort of thing, though, apparently.
I still didn’t understand how he managed to have a longer ex-girlfriend list than I did. Quite frankly, I was adorable.
“So am I, now would you like to go eat some crumpets and have some tea and maybe partake in a game of croquet, you dashing young lad, you?” I asked with my best English accent, nudging him in the side with my elbow and a grin devouring my face.
Adam just shot me one of his looks, apparently not entertained with my quality comedy.
“Luka, seriously, stop fucking around, I’m gay. And I’m not kidding.”
I turned to absorb the features of my best friend, a little shocked by the clip in his voice. True to his words, he wasn’t laughing along with me, despite the fact that I was hilarious, and the realization that maybe he wasn’t just joking around settled in. For the most part, Adam never raised his voice at anyone, especially not me, and it was basically my career to piss him off.
I swallowed. Maybe he was serious.
Surveying his face, I took a moment to pick and choose my words carefully. We were walking the couple blocks to our school as we did ever morning, since our houses were only a street away from each other. In fact, there was nothing out-of-the-ordinary at all about today. People didn’t just crash out of the closet on a mundane walk to school, he just had to be kidding, it was completely out of the blue. That would be like Dwayne Johnson announcing his gayness over brunch.
Adam’s tanned face was entirely blank, mouth pressed in a collected, thin line. Still, I didn’t think he’d joke around about that type of thing.
Blowing from my mouth and running a hand through my hair, I scuffed the sidewalk with the bottom of my shoe. It was weird trying to wrap my head around the idea. Adam being gay. It didn’t really fit, to me. He hated shopping and never wore the colour pink and his voice was deeper than mine. I thought there was a check list for that sort of thing.
“You’re…gay.”
Adam nodded his head, scrutinizing my every movement.
“Since when?”
“Since I was born, I guess... but I’ve only known for like a little while.”
“And it’s just guys or guys and girls?”
“Just guys, yeah.”
I looked at him again, seeing him chewing his bottom lip like he always did when he was nervous, and I knew that it was probably hard as hell to break it to me. It was weird seeing Adam anxious around me, because he never was, so I just grinned at him.
“Well, more girls for me, then.” I shrugged, hitting him with my backpack.
At my words, I could see the tension melt from his muscles, relief washing over his face and the smallest hint of a smile on his lips.
I seriously did not understand how I was not drowning in girls begging to have sex with me. Look how sensitive I was. Look how understanding I was. And they said I was the prick between me and Adam, please.
“So you’re not… weirded out?” he asked, looking over to me.
“Y’know, you don’t really seem that gay to me honestly, but you know, obviously you’re still my bro. No matter what you’ve got up your ass.” I grinned at him again.
Adam just rolled his eyes and hiked up his backpack, the smallest curve on his lips revealing a smile.
At my words though, the dots began to connect in my mind, and suddenly the situation at hand seeped in. Of course, how I didn’t think of it before was beyond me, it was so obvious. I knew what this meant. I was the closest guy to him, we spent so much time together, clearly it would play out like this. I didn’t blame him really, I was a little bit of a catch, I’d modestly admit.
Can anyone really spend all that time around me and not fall for these striking good looks?
“Oh,” I said, giving him a knowing look. “I get it. Don’t worry, I totally understand. You’re in love with me, aren’t you? This is what brought it on. You’re confessing to me, and you’re worried because you heard that Tara has got her eye on me and now you’re all thinking she’s going to steal me away from you, right? I get it.”
Obviously Adam was completely defenceless to my dashing personality and natural charm. My ass was just too good of a temptation to ignore.
Adam snorted, averting his eyes in the opposite direction. “Wow, you know I shouldn’t really be surprised when it’s coming to you, but wow.”
I sighed, clasping his shoulder in my all-mighty comforting way. “It’s okay Adam, I mean, I can’t really blame you. It’s my ass, isn’t it? You couldn’t resist the ass.”
Now I could laugh at all those dumb bitches who said that Adam should stop hanging out with me because I just wasted his time. I was going to find Miranda and laugh right in her dumb face. Who is too good for who, now? Oh, this was rich. I couldn’t even contain the broad grin that was slapped across my face.
“What?”I mused, barely catching the last of Adam’s words and dispelling the ever beautiful scene in my head of her horrified face.
“I have a boyfriend.”
I blinked, slowly retracting my hand and freezing in my spot. A couple of people gave us both strange looks as they filed around us, but all I could do was stare at Adam, unsure of what I just heard.
“You…you what?” I swallowed.
Adam was patient, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m dating a guy, that’s why I wanted to tell you,” he admitted, studying my reaction to his words carefully.
I blinked a couple more times, eyebrows furrowing together and raspberrying my lips together. For the most part, I concentrated on getting the oxygen in and out of my lungs. Too much to handle all in one walk.
“How can you be dating someone, when you’re in love with me?”I asked suspiciously, continuing with my walking after another handful of complaints mixed with a lot of harsh word had been hurled at me by all the people walking by.
I could feel the pit of my stomach knot at the thought, and it was a little strange because obviously Adam had dated other girls before, it wasn’t any different, but apparently my insides weren’t on board with that as they twisted uncomfortably together.
But I guess it was to be expected, he’d never had a boyfriend before. That was different.
Adam shook his head, the quirk of his mouth still present. “It’s Josh Terrence, by the way, in case you were wondering.”
“W-what? You mean Josh, Josh from Geography? Okay, see, now I know you’re just fucking around with me. This is all a big joke, isn’t it? You’re not dating Josh from Geography. That is just not happening. No.” I pressed my mouth together, shaking my head and shrugging as if the universe had clearly spoken, and I was no man to disagree with it.
It still didn’t feel right in the pit of my stomach.
“Luka, we’re dating, just get over it.”
“Are you kidding? Have you seen Josh from Geography? Whatever, be gay, that’s okay, you know there’s nothing wrong with that, but I mean… he wore socks and sandals all through freshman year. You can’t just let that sort of thing go.”
Adam sighed, annoyance fresh on his face. “We’re seniors now, that was three years ago, and why does that even matter in the first place?”
“Adam, first rule of life!” I affirmed, holding up a finger. “People who wear socks and sandals on multiple occasions do not change, they merely evolve into weirder and lamer versions of their previous lame and weird selves, but simply gain a better camouflage. I’m helping you dodge a horrible, horrible bullet, my friend. You should be thanking me right now!”
“Are you sure this isn’t a gay thing you’re just weirded out by?” Adam mumbled, hands stuffed into the pockets of his light grey pullover. I still couldn’t meet his eyes.
“I’m pretty sure his fashion choices speak for itself, really. And since when was Josh from Geography even gay in the first place?”
Before us I could see our school growing larger with every step closer, but I could barely even think about school with all the chaotic thoughts whipping around in my head. It was basically begging me to sleep through my first period class.
“Well, he’s having lunch with us today, so either get over it or find someone else to eat with,” Adam said, picking up his pace, irritation laced in his words.
I frowned at him, eyebrows knitting together as I sped up too, trying to keep step beside him. This wasn’t the Adam I was used to, considering usually he let me get away with everything. I looked at him, still refusing to meet my gaze, and sighed in defeat. I still didn’t get the Josh from Geography thing, though.
“Okay, I will not punch Josh from Geography in the face only if you give me an honest answer here. I am attractive to gay guys, right?”
I looked over at the guy I’d been best friends with since the second grade, who I’d spent my life with side-by-side for ten years, who I persevered through puberty with, who I had my first beer with, who I’d basically shared my life with, and burst out laughing.
“Oh yeah, and I’m the queen of England, sure.”
I smirked at him knowingly, throwing my hands behind my head and placing both my palms against the nape of my neck. The sun was beating down, remnants of summer still lingering in the breeze, school still clashing with my internal vacation clock that I’d formed over the last couple months.
I should’ve been sleeping for another four hours- at least.
But the thing was, if Adam was gay, then I was New York apple martini homosexual along with half the other guys at our school. He was every American dad and football coach’s wet dream with dark hair and a powerhouse body that completely tore apart the competition, he was about as gay as a meat on a stick with a handlebar moustache on it. I laughed again at the thought. Adam wasn’t gay.
Maybe all understanding or whatever, but I’m pretty sure that was just a ruse to get girls, because to me he was certainly a dick a good lot of the time.
“Luka, I’m being serious here,” he pressed, his face void of any expression. That was Adam though, reserved, cautious, a hell of lot more thoughtful than I was. Chicks dug that sort of thing, though, apparently.
I still didn’t understand how he managed to have a longer ex-girlfriend list than I did. Quite frankly, I was adorable.
“So am I, now would you like to go eat some crumpets and have some tea and maybe partake in a game of croquet, you dashing young lad, you?” I asked with my best English accent, nudging him in the side with my elbow and a grin devouring my face.
Adam just shot me one of his looks, apparently not entertained with my quality comedy.
“Luka, seriously, stop fucking around, I’m gay. And I’m not kidding.”
I turned to absorb the features of my best friend, a little shocked by the clip in his voice. True to his words, he wasn’t laughing along with me, despite the fact that I was hilarious, and the realization that maybe he wasn’t just joking around settled in. For the most part, Adam never raised his voice at anyone, especially not me, and it was basically my career to piss him off.
I swallowed. Maybe he was serious.
Surveying his face, I took a moment to pick and choose my words carefully. We were walking the couple blocks to our school as we did ever morning, since our houses were only a street away from each other. In fact, there was nothing out-of-the-ordinary at all about today. People didn’t just crash out of the closet on a mundane walk to school, he just had to be kidding, it was completely out of the blue. That would be like Dwayne Johnson announcing his gayness over brunch.
Adam’s tanned face was entirely blank, mouth pressed in a collected, thin line. Still, I didn’t think he’d joke around about that type of thing.
Blowing from my mouth and running a hand through my hair, I scuffed the sidewalk with the bottom of my shoe. It was weird trying to wrap my head around the idea. Adam being gay. It didn’t really fit, to me. He hated shopping and never wore the colour pink and his voice was deeper than mine. I thought there was a check list for that sort of thing.
“You’re…gay.”
Adam nodded his head, scrutinizing my every movement.
“Since when?”
“Since I was born, I guess... but I’ve only known for like a little while.”
“And it’s just guys or guys and girls?”
“Just guys, yeah.”
I looked at him again, seeing him chewing his bottom lip like he always did when he was nervous, and I knew that it was probably hard as hell to break it to me. It was weird seeing Adam anxious around me, because he never was, so I just grinned at him.
“Well, more girls for me, then.” I shrugged, hitting him with my backpack.
At my words, I could see the tension melt from his muscles, relief washing over his face and the smallest hint of a smile on his lips.
I seriously did not understand how I was not drowning in girls begging to have sex with me. Look how sensitive I was. Look how understanding I was. And they said I was the prick between me and Adam, please.
“So you’re not… weirded out?” he asked, looking over to me.
“Y’know, you don’t really seem that gay to me honestly, but you know, obviously you’re still my bro. No matter what you’ve got up your ass.” I grinned at him again.
Adam just rolled his eyes and hiked up his backpack, the smallest curve on his lips revealing a smile.
At my words though, the dots began to connect in my mind, and suddenly the situation at hand seeped in. Of course, how I didn’t think of it before was beyond me, it was so obvious. I knew what this meant. I was the closest guy to him, we spent so much time together, clearly it would play out like this. I didn’t blame him really, I was a little bit of a catch, I’d modestly admit.
Can anyone really spend all that time around me and not fall for these striking good looks?
“Oh,” I said, giving him a knowing look. “I get it. Don’t worry, I totally understand. You’re in love with me, aren’t you? This is what brought it on. You’re confessing to me, and you’re worried because you heard that Tara has got her eye on me and now you’re all thinking she’s going to steal me away from you, right? I get it.”
Obviously Adam was completely defenceless to my dashing personality and natural charm. My ass was just too good of a temptation to ignore.
Adam snorted, averting his eyes in the opposite direction. “Wow, you know I shouldn’t really be surprised when it’s coming to you, but wow.”
I sighed, clasping his shoulder in my all-mighty comforting way. “It’s okay Adam, I mean, I can’t really blame you. It’s my ass, isn’t it? You couldn’t resist the ass.”
Now I could laugh at all those dumb bitches who said that Adam should stop hanging out with me because I just wasted his time. I was going to find Miranda and laugh right in her dumb face. Who is too good for who, now? Oh, this was rich. I couldn’t even contain the broad grin that was slapped across my face.
“What?”I mused, barely catching the last of Adam’s words and dispelling the ever beautiful scene in my head of her horrified face.
“I have a boyfriend.”
I blinked, slowly retracting my hand and freezing in my spot. A couple of people gave us both strange looks as they filed around us, but all I could do was stare at Adam, unsure of what I just heard.
“You…you what?” I swallowed.
Adam was patient, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m dating a guy, that’s why I wanted to tell you,” he admitted, studying my reaction to his words carefully.
I blinked a couple more times, eyebrows furrowing together and raspberrying my lips together. For the most part, I concentrated on getting the oxygen in and out of my lungs. Too much to handle all in one walk.
“How can you be dating someone, when you’re in love with me?”I asked suspiciously, continuing with my walking after another handful of complaints mixed with a lot of harsh word had been hurled at me by all the people walking by.
I could feel the pit of my stomach knot at the thought, and it was a little strange because obviously Adam had dated other girls before, it wasn’t any different, but apparently my insides weren’t on board with that as they twisted uncomfortably together.
But I guess it was to be expected, he’d never had a boyfriend before. That was different.
Adam shook his head, the quirk of his mouth still present. “It’s Josh Terrence, by the way, in case you were wondering.”
“W-what? You mean Josh, Josh from Geography? Okay, see, now I know you’re just fucking around with me. This is all a big joke, isn’t it? You’re not dating Josh from Geography. That is just not happening. No.” I pressed my mouth together, shaking my head and shrugging as if the universe had clearly spoken, and I was no man to disagree with it.
It still didn’t feel right in the pit of my stomach.
“Luka, we’re dating, just get over it.”
“Are you kidding? Have you seen Josh from Geography? Whatever, be gay, that’s okay, you know there’s nothing wrong with that, but I mean… he wore socks and sandals all through freshman year. You can’t just let that sort of thing go.”
Adam sighed, annoyance fresh on his face. “We’re seniors now, that was three years ago, and why does that even matter in the first place?”
“Adam, first rule of life!” I affirmed, holding up a finger. “People who wear socks and sandals on multiple occasions do not change, they merely evolve into weirder and lamer versions of their previous lame and weird selves, but simply gain a better camouflage. I’m helping you dodge a horrible, horrible bullet, my friend. You should be thanking me right now!”
“Are you sure this isn’t a gay thing you’re just weirded out by?” Adam mumbled, hands stuffed into the pockets of his light grey pullover. I still couldn’t meet his eyes.
“I’m pretty sure his fashion choices speak for itself, really. And since when was Josh from Geography even gay in the first place?”
Before us I could see our school growing larger with every step closer, but I could barely even think about school with all the chaotic thoughts whipping around in my head. It was basically begging me to sleep through my first period class.
“Well, he’s having lunch with us today, so either get over it or find someone else to eat with,” Adam said, picking up his pace, irritation laced in his words.
I frowned at him, eyebrows knitting together as I sped up too, trying to keep step beside him. This wasn’t the Adam I was used to, considering usually he let me get away with everything. I looked at him, still refusing to meet my gaze, and sighed in defeat. I still didn’t get the Josh from Geography thing, though.
“Okay, I will not punch Josh from Geography in the face only if you give me an honest answer here. I am attractive to gay guys, right?”
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Bonjour! :3I'm Alice, and you're probably here because you read Homophobe, or you could be new entierly, either way welcome to my new story!
This is my side project, but I adore Luka so it'll probably get updated a lot. I've planned it to be only around 10-15 chapters, but I hope you guys fall in love with it like I have. It's basically a story about Luka dealing with homosexuality, and who knows what will be in store for him~
Anyways, thank you 36 subscribers and also as well maxx dazinger and a7x.Sick.Puppie.x !<3
Recommendations and comments are always much appreciated! c: