Unravelled

“Get in the fucking building,” I spat at Stefan, grabbing Brody’s hand and dragging him along with me.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing coming out here! Jesus. I always knew you were stupid but this is a new fucking low Stefan.”

“You think I’m just going to let you fuck up all of our lives, Brynn?! Not a chance. You have a son to think about!”

“We’ll discuss this when we get to my apartment,” I said, lowering my voice. I was starting to notice stares in our direction. The whole elevator ride up I was fighting the urge to look at Brody, who was clinging to my hand for dear life. I wasn’t going to let myself get upset. This was the decision I had made. This was simply a bump in the road. I wasn’t going to take 20 steps backwards right now.

The second I burst through the door Alana came running out of her room. “YOUR BOYFRIEND IS THE BES-“ she cut herself off as she saw Brody. He finally let go of my hand and raced towards her.

“Auntie Lana!” he squealed, rushing into her arms. “I miss you!” She quickly gathered Brody up in her arms and stared at me wide-eyed. “What is going on?”

“Can you take Brody into your room please, Alana,” I said, trying to stay calm.

“Uh, yeah. Okay. Yell if you need me, okay? I’m right in here.”

The second the door closed I marched over to Stefan and slapped him across the face. “You are the stupidest fucking human being I’ve ever met in my life. I’m strongly reconsidering the decision to leave my son with you. What the hell do you think you’re doing Stefan?! We had a fucking AGREEMENT!”

“Yeah, well I changed my mind.”

“You tend to do that don’t you? Can never stick with a decision. You fuck then chuck. Then you run away and act like I don’t exist. Then you deny your own fucking son. Then you’re suddenly back and everything’s fine. Then everything’s shit again. It’s time to fucking grow up Stefan. I’m done with this. You don’t like the agreement we’ll figure out a new one. But we’re figuring it out today and it’s the final decision. I’m done with you. You are no longer in my life after today. I can’t deal with you anymore. I’ve been doing too good to let you fuck me up now.”

“Brynn I don’t want that! I fucking want you! It wasn’t my decision for you to leave! You did that all on your own. All I fought for was Brody because I thought you were better than that. I thought if I had him you wouldn’t actually leave. We have our problems. We can figure those out. But how the HELL could you walk out on your own kid?!”

“ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING?!” I screamed, finally absolutely snapping. “YOU DENIED HIS WHOLE FUCKING EXISTENCE FOR TWO YEARS YOU IDIOT! YOU WOULDN’T EVEN LOOK AT HIM UNTIL AFTER THE DNA TEST. You knew every fucking thing that I was going through and you still left. Still made me look like the whore even though it was you. It was always you for 5 years. Then the second we fuck up and I get pregnant you’re gone. We were immature Stefan. Starting up a relationship with you at 14 was the stupidest decision I’ve ever made. Look at where we are now. Is this what you fucking want? Our kid in the other room while we’re in here tearing each other to shreds? It’s not what I want. So figure your shit out. Do you want him or is he mine. Because if he’s mine, the second you walk out that door there’s no going back.”

“You can’t just take him away Brynn. He has a life with me. No court is going to let you take him away from me.”

“Okay, well you take him back to Cambridge. That was how it was supposed to be anyway! I’m completely fine with that!” At that moment I heard my phone go off. I picked it up and saw a text message from Jonny.

“Heading to the UC now. Enjoy the game! I’ll see you later! : )”

“You know,” Stefan said softly, “I’m not leaving until I meet him.”

“There is no chance in hell that that is ever going to happen,” I replied, staring at him. “He does not need someone like you in his life in any capacity. Never.”

“I need to know the guy who can make you smile like that with a text message, Brynn.” He sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands, finally looking defeated. “I could never do that. I don’t even think you smiled at our wedding,” he looked up at me with tears in his eyes. “I really thought I could change your mind. I thought I could come down here and say I’m sorry and I love you and you would see how much Brody has grown in the last few months and you’d feel bad and you’d come back.”

“Sorry isn’t going to work this time Stefan! I’m going really well here. Alana helped me stop the drugs cold turkey the second we got here. I haven’t even thought about them in the last week. I need someone like Jonny. Whether it lasts or not, I need someone that isn’t YOU. I’ve never had someone that wasn’t you! To be blunt, we aren’t endgame, Stefan. We never were.”

“Brody needs a mom,” he continued, trying not to cry. “I can’t do it on my own, Brynn. You know what it’s like. I can’t do it. And you don’t want him being raised like you were. I have a job. I’m barely home. He’s being raised by a babysitter. He needs two parents.”

I stared at him for a few seconds then turned and walked into Alana’s room, shutting the door again behind me. For the first time in six months, I looked down at my baby boy. The second he smiled up at me I lost it. Sitting on the bed I gathered him into my arms as I sobbed. “Mama! No cry!” he said, grabbing my face. “Stop! Daddy was mean. I’m gon tell him he was bad.”

“No, baby. Daddy wasn’t mean. Mama was mean.”

“Well that’s not good Mama! You can’t be bad! Daddy says being mean is bad!”

“I’m so sorry for leaving you, baby. Are you mad at me?”

“I’m not mad, Mama. I just miss you! I’m happy now that you’re here again!” he replied, giving me a huge grin. “You can’t leave me again though Mama. Because then I be sad again.”

That started my crying all over again. “Do you wanna go see Daddy for a minute, buddy? I need to talk to Auntie Alana.”

“Okay!” he replied, jumping off my lap. He was almost to the door before he turned around and ran back. “I forgot!” he exclaimed, climbing back into my lap and giving me a huge hug. Seconds later he was out the door and Alana was getting up to close it behind him. I laid down on the bed and waited for her to come lie next to me.

“He’s so big,” I whispered, staring at the ceiling.

“He’s so… smart,” she said in awe. “How many three year olds do you know who can talk that clearly?”

“He was always ahead of his age group,” I replied. “Alana, what am I going to do?”

“You’re going to figure it out. I’m still here. We’ll figure it out. You’re going to talk to Jonny. That one’s important.”

“I can’t leave him again, Alana. It damn near killed me last time. I can’t let him leave with Stefan.”

“I know, honey,” she said, pulling me into a hug. “I wasn’t going to let that happen anyway. We’re going to figure something out. Joint custody or something.”

“I can’t tell Jonny tonight. He’s going on a road trip after the game. I’m not going to drop this on him right before he leaves for three days.”

“That sounds good. We aren’t going to the game tonight, Brynn. We’re going to spend the next three solid days figuring this shit out so you actually have a full story to tell him when he gets back. Figure out a good text message to send. We’ll just watch the game on TV.”

I grabbed my phone and typed out “Hey! So, having a little crisis with Alana. Don’t think the game tonight is a good idea. Play like the superstar you are, good luck on the roadie and I’ll see you when you get back!”

As soon as I sent it I started to panic. I knew that this could very well be the end of one of the most fun relationships I’ve ever had, and it sucked. I had been so happy and now that was threatened. All because Stefan had yet again popped back into my life. My phone beeped and I saw, “Okay? Hope everything’s alright! See you in like, 3 and a half days! : )”

“Well,” I said, sitting up. “Let’s go figure this mess out.”