Take This to Your Grave

Being involuntarily in love with Pete Wentz is possibly the worst thing I had ever gone through that year. Aside from being shipped off from New York and being, yet again, replaced by my mom; it's the worst. It sucked because I couldn't have him. It wouldn't relent on how I felt about Pete, I had him in ways that were okay with me.

Pete had become my best friend, beside Babette. He and I had become attached at the hip; behind everyone's back. He shares clothes with me, he taught me things that aren't meant be learned at school, and became this one person I can shut up and sit around with, without doing anything rudimentary or progressive. He became that best friend that also became my soulmate. He and I had this thing were we could finish each other's sentences, yet we were so much different. He made me laugh, I made him laugh, and we butted heads.

It's no wonder how I fell in love with him.

From Babette's words and advice, I let my feelings blossom. I hadn't told anyone else about my feelings, only Babette knew how I felt. Our group of friends all knew that Pete and I were closer than any of our other friends; but no one said anything about it. Leah was completely in the dark about our friendship, and our friends never said a thing to her about my presences when she wasn't around. It's not like I wasn't invited around, it's just that Leah was rarely ever with them. Pete sometimes hung out with her and her group of friends. I never bothered about it, because it was never my place to be bothered.

And it still surprises me how we got through months of hanging out without her. I knew that I'd never want to be around her, even if she ever apologized. I never liked her, she made my best friend miserable most of the time, and I had to deal. Still, I never urged Pete to leave her. He had told me that he loved her and she loved him. I'll never know what two people are a like when they're alone.

I wished so badly that I could've asked my dad or Amy about things like this. I wanted my dad's opinion, but he'd kill me, I knew that for sure. He was weary about me being home whenever he would see Pete next door. If he just knew that, that was my best friend he disliked, all hell would break loose. I wished my dad could see what I did. I wished everyone could see Pete the way I do.

Just a week before school was to start, Pete came around more and more. Most nights he would climb up my window and come into my bedroom and sit or lie down with me. I played some music or we'd watch a movie; more than likely it was a Tim Burton flick.

Sunday night, he came up to my room with Pulp Fiction and I had made popcorn. My dad and Amy were downstairs talking, and had asked me what I was doing; "I'm gonna watch Pulp Fiction."

"What channel is it on?" My dad asked.

"I borrowed the tape from Andrew." The lies were quick and easy.

My dad didn't seem to question it, "I think I'll buy you a copy for your birthday."

"That's 2 months away." I shoved some popcorn in my mouth.

"I like to plan ahead." He jested. "Goodnight, Naomi."

"G'night dad. Night Amy."

Her fingers danced at me, "Goodnight, sweetie."

I hauled ass back upstairs and shut the door behind me. Pete was lying on my bed, holding the VCR remote. I sat beside him, shutting the light off; "Wait." He said suddenly.

I flicked the light back on, "What?"

He sat up, "I got you something."

I raised a brow, "You got me something?"

He nodded and dug into the pockets of his jeans, "I pawned the gold cross."

I laughed, "How much'd you get?"

"Not as much as it's worth, but enough." He handed me a gold plastic box. "I saw this at one of those jewelry engraving kiosk at the mall."

I opened the box and saw a gold broken heart with script engraving. I read it to as my fingers traced the inscription, "'My dearest friend, if you don't mind... I'd like to join you by your side. Where we can gaze into the stars...'," I read it aloud, "Jack and Sally?" I grinned like a lovesick fool.

He nodded, pulling the other half of the broken heart out from beneath his shirt, showing me the other inscription; "'And sit together, now and forever. For it is plain, as anyone can see. We're simply meant to be.'." He sang it back to me.

I shook my head as my heart swelled, "Wow, Pete. These are great."

He took it from my hands and unclasped it, placing it around my neck, "I thought it'd be better than the regular best friends forever hearts."

The cool gold rested against the hollow of my neck, "Thank you...this is the sweetest thing anyone has ever bought me."

Pete's cheeks turn a soft pink, I didn't say anything about it; "You're welcome, Navy. I figured you deserved something for giving me the necklace."

I played with the broken edges, "You worried what Leah'll say?"

Pete frowned slightly, "We broke up the other day."

"Oh," I frowned as well. "How come you didn't tell me?"

"It doesn't matter, Naomi." He said shortly. "Let's watch the movie."

I nodded, and turned my lamp off. We laid down on our stomachs, he pressed play; he had already fast forward pass the trailers, so the movie started with the Like A Virgin analysis among the actors. I looked to Pete, smiling at him; I leaned over and kissed his cheek, "I love you, you know." I told him. "You're my best friend."

Pete looked back at me, "I love you, too." He said this platonically, meaning it completely. I always know when he's bullshitting, and he wasn't bullshitting me.

Again, I kissed his cheek and returned to watching the movie. Though, I couldn't pay much attention, with Pete lying beside me, I wanted to do what I've seen people do in movies, television shows and on the street. I wanted to kiss Pete; kiss him right on the lips and next pull away. For the simple fact that I was crazy and in love with him; people who love another should be able to kiss them, right?

For me, I was conflicted and knew that if I did do that, that things between us wouldn't be the same. I was worried about what'd he think of me; I'd probably look like some freaky girl who wanted to jump his bones. It was quite the opposite, really; I just wanted to hold his hand and kiss him, that's it. I never thought that way before; wanting to just kiss a boy and not, possibly, think about having sex. I thought that way about a lot of boys; how they would look in bed with me. It's a simple thought of distraction, I did this to distract myself, and then I would go to mass and pray those thoughts away.

Somehow they would come back. But with Pete, they didn't.

Maybe this was a sign from heaven that I was suppose to fall in love with him. Maybe he would fall in love with me. It's just a big fat maybe.