Take This to Your Grave

"When did you get here?" I asked him.

Pete slowly inched back into the room, "Is your dad downstairs?"

"He went to work."

Pete shut the window and went and sat on my bed. "I got here about 5 minutes ago...left you something."

He reached under my pillow and pulled out a folded note. He reached out to hand it to me and his eyes fell on my fingers, "What happened?"

I didn't answer, instead, I motioned my hand to make him come over to me. Pete stood up, without hesitance, and came over to me. He stood a few inches away and I closed our gap and wrapped my arms around him. He froze, but only for a second, and then he wrapped his arms around me. I squeezed my arms tight around his neck, and buried my face against the side, "I smashed my fist against the dashboard."

"Why?" He asked softly.

I gave a deep exhale, "I was mad because he made you leave."

Pete chuckled, "Goddamn."

"So it's true then?" I fiddled with the hem of his t-shirt collar.

He gave a nod, "My parents said I'm all better and I should leave. My mom said that she knows I like you, and that I need to wait until you're 18."

"I'm leaving here when I'm 18."

Pete and I parted, but his hands rolled down to my hips, "Why? Just because he ratted us out?"

"No, my dad said some stuff that I don't want to repeat."

Pete looked a bit curious, "Did it hurt you?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry, Naomi."

I shook my head, unwanted tears springing, "I just want to get out of here."

Pete let go of my hips, took hold of my hand and said, "Want to go to the cemetery?"

"I'm a little woozy." I told him, "I can't go far."

"Basement at my parents? No ones there."

I smiled, "Okay."

With our fingers intertwining he led the way downstairs, out the front door and over next door. Everything moved in a slight fuzzy and hazy state; I was high off the meds still. I know that I was past my yard and into the Wentz's

Pete had me inside and led me down to the furnished basement. He shut and locked the door and then helped me down the stairs, setting me in an old beanbag chair. I saw him go over to the white refrigerator off in one corner and grab bottles of water. He had turned on the stereo; I could make out the Smiths, and sang to myself. Pete sat on the floor, lying down and handing me a bottle of water.

"I took some meds too." He said to me. "I don't take them to feel good anymore, I take them so I won't get sick."

"What kind of sick?" I asked as I twisted the cap off.

"Withdrawals. It hurts."

I didn't know what to say about that; I listened and hummed along to Reel Around the Fountain. Pete's hand settled on my knee and his finger began to trace circles. The skin swirled in my vision, and I thought about Alicia that second; the touching, they hooked up; as she said to Kate.

"Do you know Alicia Shaw?" I asked him.

Pete didn't say anything immediately. A moment later he sighed, "What about her?"

"She says you guys hooked up." I mumbled.

That's when jealousy pinged me. I swallowed and watched his hand pause it's circling. He squeezed my knee, "We didn't hook up. We made out...I touched her boob, y'know--"

I cut him off, "Just one boob?"

He laughed, "Yeah, one."

"Isn't that rude? Aren't you suppose to grope both?"

"I don't even remember, Chris told me."

"Well, how is that not hooking up?"

"We didn't have sex." He said shortly. "Did she say that?"

"I don't know. She told Kate, Katy told me." I explained.

"Naomi, she knows me and you are friends...I think she's tryin' to rub you the wrong way."

I nodded slowly. "Why did you do that stuff with her?"

"I was drunk and I thought she was someone else. Chris had to pull me out the room...it was at some party. I didn't remember until she started to come over, and then she explained. Leah was pissed, I was pissed...it was all so fucked up."

I looked at him, "Would you do that stuff with me?"

Pete shook his head, "No. You're beautiful and all, Navy, but you're one of the few people I trust. I don't want to mess up what we got. Plus, you're 16."

"Yeah...but you would, right? If we didn't know each other and I was 18, you would?"

"You'd be my girlfriend." He grinned.

I swallowed, "I love you."

"I love you, too."

I shook my head, "No, I mean, I love you, Pete. Like...I don't know what I'd do without you. I love you a lot."

We both sat up, and Pete looked me in the eyes; my head was still fuzzy and I blinked. Pete ran his hand through my hair and held the back of my neck, "Naomi, you're high."

"Yeah, but I mean it. I love you. I'm not just saying it because I'm jealous." More tears forced their way through. "You're...you're all I've got left. You're the only person who wants me around."

Pete shook his head, "Navy, listen to me, okay?" I nodded. "I love you, too. Right now, you're not all here with me and I don't want you to do or say anything you'll regret."

"I'm being honest," tears rolled down my cheeks, "You're the only thing I've ever wanted, like really wanted. I...I want you so badly it hurts. I don't want sex, I just want you here with me all the time. I miss you when you're gone, and not seeing you sucks."

The corners of his lips turned up, "Yeah, I know what you mean."

I licked over my own lips, "I know you got Leah, but just think, okay? You could have me if you want to. I...I know for a fact that she can't do anything for you, she...she's hurt you and I hate her for it."

Pete repeatedly pet my hair back, unsure of what to say. His fingers in my hair felt amazing, I felt the care in them. The love and naïveté in my bones; I wanted to kiss him.

"Naomi," Pete spoke my name slow, spoke them in the 3 syllables that it is. "You're right. But you don't want me."

"Yes I do." I muttered, "Yes I do!"

He leaned forward and kissed my forehead, "You don't want me. I'm...not..." He trailed, "You need someone who isn't me."

"How do you know what I need? How do you know that what I need isn't you?"

"Because you're smart and pretty and girls like you shouldn't want guys like me."

"Well I do."

Pete licked over his lips, "Let's not make this complicated, Naomi. I love you, you're the only girl I've ever let in. I tell you stuff that I don't even tell Leah."

I frowned and pushed his hands away and fell back in the beanbag chair. Pete gave a deep sigh, and then straddled my legs, "Don't be mad at me."

"You've rejected me, how could I not be mad at you?"

"Because," he smiled down at me, "You love me."

"Yeah, so what? I love my dad but I'm mad at him."

"He's your dad, you won't stay mad at him, but me...you could be mad at me for 3 weeks like before." He hovered over me, resting his elbows on either side of me, on the beanbag.

"I won't be mad forever." I replied.

"3 weeks feels like forever."

Pete was a swirl in my vision, my head was light; "I'm not really mad. I'm mad, though. I'm crazy."

He chuckled and looked my face over, "You're the most sane girl I've ever met."

I narrowed my eyes, "Then kiss me."

He looked bewildered, "What?"

"Kiss me. If I'm so damn sane, kiss me."

Pete bit down on his bottom lip, "Naomi, I...I..."

"Just do it or I'm insane."

"Why would you be insane if I don't kiss you?"

"I was insane for asking. Sane if I'm stating a fact; you're feeding me the fact that I am totally sane to ask you to kiss me."

Pete shook his head, "Why do you want me to kiss you?"

"Because I love you and you'll be my first kiss."

He smirked, "Bullshit."

I giggled, "Okay, you'll be my 4th kiss, but I'm sure it'll be better than the 3 boys before."

Pete thought, humming, debating whether or not to. Finally he looked at me, "You really want me to?"

"You act like I got cooties."

We shared a laugh. Pete licked his lips again, "Okay. Fine, one kiss and no more."

I smiled, "You want to kiss me, don't you?"

Pete exhaled, "I've wanted to kiss you since I've met you."

"Then do."

He nodded slowly, moving in closer to me. I smelt the gum he had been chewing awhile ago and moved my neck up to get closer. I could feel the sparks pulling us together, like magnets. I shut my eyes, scared shitless, holding my breath, wonder what this would be like. Finally, I felt his lips against mine; my heart nearly burst.