Take This to Your Grave

Reluctance was getting the better of me as I thought about what Babette had said. I didn't want to go home, I couldn't stand to be in the same room as my dad, let alone live under his roof. But, I figured that I deserved it; I deserved to be treated the way Seth had done to me, and my dad not believing me.

It was my punishment.

Pete looked at me when I had said all this; his eyes narrowed, lips curled, "You didn't deserve it, Navy."

"Yes I did." I replied. "I'm not stupid."

He exhaled through his nostrils, "It isn't a punishment. People lie, teenagers sneak out. What that little fucker did is unforgivable, no matter what you did, you didn't deserve it."

I looked down at my lap, and didn't reply. I didn't believe Pete, though I did want to; it felt like all my fault. I dug myself into this mess and I shouldn't have done so.

"I think I should go back and talk to him." I said instead.

"Do you want me to drop you off?"

I looked up at him, hopelessly hopeful he would say yes to my next question. "Will you come in with me?"

Pete's brows shot up, "Why?"

"I want my dad to know that I like you." I murmured. "I want him to know that just because he doesn't approve of you being my friend, that I don't care."

"Naomi," Pete said my name sternly and grabbed my forearms, "Don't. I don't want to mingle in you and your dad's relationship. This is about you, not me or him or Seth; just you."

I frowned, "But, I want you to."

He shook his head, "Not now. Soon."

I sighed and grudgingly said "Okay."

Pete kissed my forehead and got off the bed, "C'mon, get dressed. I'm sure he'd want to see you."

I looked at the clock; it was only 4 PM on a Sunday. I knew my dad would be home, he would probably be angry once he saw me. I had to do this sometime and it was now or never.


Pete stopped in front of my house; my dad's truck and Amy's car were in the drive way. I exhaled deeply, watching the door, still reluctant. Pete leaned over and kissed my cheek, "Just go." He said softly.

I shut my eyes, opened the door and my eyes, and stepped out. I looked back at Pete, giving him a tight smile. I took the grocery bag filled with my clothes from the day before from the back seat and then waved. Pete smiled at me, "Don't worry."

"I won't."

I shut the door, and waited a moment before I began to trudge up the pathway. Pete drove off slowly, just as I got to the door; my hand shook as I placed it on the knob. So many thoughts crushed my confidence, it wasn't easy just pushing that door open. Still, I forced myself to, and was met with a basketball game being blared from the TV. Suddenly, the volume was lowered; I stepped in and met eyes with my dad.

He had stood up from his position on the couch, "Naomi." He said my name shortly.

I shut the door, "Yeah." I tossed my bag of clothes by the stairs and continued over towards the living room. Pete's sweats were sagging, and I had to tug the drawstring tighter. I stopped by the love seat and kept eye contact with my dad.

"Where were you?" He asked as he sat back down; his voice was flat.

I bit my tongue. "I was with Pete. No surprise there."

My dad looked away from me, giving a slow nod, "I expected as much."

I sat down on the love seat, "Dad, Pete didn't do anything to me. I swear on my life. If you don't believe me, then...then, that's..." I paused after trailing. "I don't want to be angry or upset with you, but you taking Seth's side--"

"I didn't take anyone's side," he said. "I was trying to get the truth, and you know, Naomi, it's hard to believe someone whose lied to you about the boy next door being on their bedroom."

"I understand." I mumbled.

An exhausted sigh escaped his lips; "And, since you're going to do what you want, with or without my consent or knowledge, I'm throwing my hands up."

I frowned, "What?"

He looked at me finally, "I love you. You're my kid, my little girl," he shook his head, "But, I know you're growing up. You wanna be with Pete, you wanna have sex with him, do whatever, you can."

I furrowed my brow, "No, no! Dad, this isn't what this is about!" I exclaimed heatedly, "This is about what Seth did to me! About him coming over here and lying to you! I was defending Pete, because he defended me, and he would never touch me the way Seth did."

My dad's expression didn't change. He looked like he didn't care and it was breaking me. My hardened shell I had always had was cracking.

"Okay, Naomi."

"Don't you care?" I muttered desperately. "Seth...he-he did that stuff to me!"

"I do," he said, "But it's your life, and I can't tell you what to do. You can tell the police if you want--"

"I want it to go away!" I nearly screamed. "I want Seth erased from my memory! I want you to help me, to help me figure out what to do!" My voice intoned throughout my sputter.

My dad got up and came over to me; he engulfed me in a hug and that's when I broke completely. I buried my face into his shoulder and sobbed like a child. I kept muttering things to him, apologizing for my behavior until he told me that I was alright; "It's okay, Naomi."

He rubbed my back and let me cry until I was so drained I nearly fell asleep on him. He patted my back continuously, I sniffed away the tears, wiped my face and said; "It was so bad. I hate him."

"I know, Naomi. I'm sorry it happened to you." He kissed the crown of my head, "I'm proud of you...you didn't let him take you down."

I swallowed, "Even after I pepper sprayed him?"

He chuckled, "Especially after you pepper sprayed him."

I rubbed my eyes now, "I'm really sorry about lying to you. I really like Pete, dad. He's so nice to me, he understands me."

He let out a small sigh, patting my back still, "I know, I know. Please don't come home pregnant is all I ask."

"I don't sleep with him." I countered.

"I'm just stating this, alright? With any boy, don't get caught up and make mistakes. You weren't a mistake, you just happened...and I'm glad you happened," he began. "I wouldn't change what happened for the world. I just don't want you to have to raise a kid before you've done all you've wanted."

"I promise, no babies." I told him.

He hugged me tighter, "I'm holding you to that."

With my dad's solidarity on the events between Seth and I, my dad and I forgave each other. Things smoothed over like Babette had said, and I was glad I listened to her. I had realized my fear and guilt was something that was blown out of proportion inside of my head.

I was still unsure of what to do about Seth. My bruises had gone, and I had no solid proof that he had actually assaulted me. I had figured it was best to sweep it under the rug, ignore it, because to me it didn't happen.

I know it happened, but it still seemed surreal. It didn't hurt, it just disgusted me. Maybe I wasn't full aware of what it meant to be assaulted, maybe it was because I had pretended I was somewhere else, or when I blacked out. The only thing I ever felt was hatred towards Seth for cornering me and using me. I wanted to kill him, even though I still felt guilt.


Later that night, I had grabbed my phone and called Pete's cell phone. I had wanted to tell him how things went, and let him know that I was okay. I sat on my bedroom floor, biting the inside of my lip as the phone rang.

He didn't answer.

I felt a little upset, but didn't bother with it. I felt him a voicemail before I hung up and returned the phone downstairs.

Amy and my dad were shuffling things around to get ready for her move in. She wasn't bringing much, just necessities and was selling a lot of things. I surpassed them and went to the kitchen to eat.

I made myself some mac and cheese; Amy came in a second later. "Hey, honey."

"Hi."

She smiled at me and leaned against the counter, "Can I talk to you about something?"

I raised a brow, "Yeah. What's up?"

She bit at her lip, "Well, your dad came to me about you..."

"What about?"

She sighed, "Um, well, he wanted me to take you to get birth control."

I nearly bursted out in laughter. I smiled softly; "What?"

"It's just an idea. He thought it'd be a good idea."

I ate some of my food and swallowed before answering. "I'm not having sex. I'm still a virgin."

Her brows lifted a bit, "Oh, well...it's never too late to think about it."

I tweaked my lips, "If it'll get my old man to shut up, I'll do it."

"It's only if you want to." She added casually.

I shrugged, "I might as well."

Amy smiled, just slightly, and patted my arm, "We can go tomorrow, if you'd like? I have appointment."

I gave a nod, "Yeah, sure."

This whole thing about birth control rubbed me the wrong way, but I thought; what the hell? I might as well do it. I could protect myself come any day that I decide to have sex with anyone. Though, I didn't have the desire to, the little bit of sexual happening I had was enough for me. Would I have sex with Pete?

I thought about it a couple of times; sex with Pete. It felt like a natural thought, as if I should've thought of it before. But, when it came to reality, I didn't think I could do it. Even after he touched me, I found the idea foreign. I really liked just being with him, being quiet and listening to music, living like the whole was on pause just for us. I didn't need to have sex to feel close and intimate with Pete.


My cold was coming back. The next morning I woke up with a sore throat and fever, but I pushed through. I didn't tell my dad or Amy that I was sick; I took some medicine and followed Amy.

I didn't have to talk really, when I got to meet Amy's OBGYN. She was a nice woman, Dr. Bose, who wanted to run some test on me beforehand. I got a lot of info on birth control, the pros and cons, and I definitely didn't see any problem with it at all. I made an appointment with her for the end of the week and then we left.

"You know, Naomi, there's a self defense class where I workout at." Amy said this out of the blue as she drove us home.

I looked at her, "My dad told you?"

Amy gave a small, unsure nod, "I hope I'm not intruding."

"No, it's fine." I said. "Ya'know, why do I have to take self defense? Why can't someone teach boys not to assault others? Why do I have to defend myself against my peer?"

Amy's brows raised in surprise, "I never thought of that."

"Seriously, I shouldn't have to carry around pepper spray." I grumbled. "Anyway, Amy, thanks for...telling me, but I'm fine. I just need my fingers to heal and I'll be able to defend myself."

We were silent for a moment. Amy spoke up, "Are you going to tell the police?"

I shook my head, "I don't have proof anymore. I'm just gonna try and get through school."

"I think you should still tell, Naomi. At least go to your principal and explain yourself."

"Yeah, I'll do that." I assured; I knew I would have to. "It's not a secret anymore."

"How come you didn't tell us that day?" Her voice had a tinge of hurt in it.

I looked away, "It didn't feel real, Amy...I wanted to forget and I did, a little. It doesn't feel like it happened at all."

"Thank God for that, huh?"

"Yeah."