Take This to Your Grave

"Dear God, I cried over Pete. Pete Wentz." I grumbled to myself.

I was ashamed of myself for becoming so upset over Pete. I knew that things are always too good to be true, so why am I in such a rut? Because I like him, that's why, I am such a pathetic girl.

I'm good at pretending, acting as if nothing is wrong. I don't know where I get it; rare moments come when everything just bursts out. Now, I was feeling pathetic for letting it all out.

I laid in my bed, wishing I never met him. Wishing I didn't love him. Wishing that he didn't exist to me; that we never met. He's just a boy, designed to break me apart. A boy to break my heart; yet, I love him so much, my heart feels as if it would burst.

I got up suddenly, feeling the urge to expel all the anguish I felt. I sat at my desk, grabbed my note book and began to write;

He wants to ruin me, rip me to fucking shreds. He doesn't understand how much I love him. As I repeat before, love cannot save you. You'll drown in a sea of broken hearted tears before you find shore. Love can't save you.
Boys like Pete Wentz -they're terrible boys. Boys like him are overrated, overdone, singing into microphones because they're just so goddamn bored. I never want a boy like Pete in my life.

I was hesitant to cross that out. I reread it over and over again until I couldn't stand it any longer.

Why can't he just like me the way I like him? LOVE ME THE SAME WAY I LOVE HIM. Maybe I'm way in over my head, but I never felt this way before. I'm confused, I'm hurting, I'm stuck and I don't know which way to go. It's like I'm calling for help and no one can hear me.
I just hate the way things are. I hate the way Pete is. I hate Seth and his disgusting ways. I hate trying to swim to the surface, but all I am is submerged and I feel myself sinking further and further.
My lungs will give out at any given moment. My head might explode. My ears will pop.

I dropped my pen and closed my notebook. I let out a deep sigh and leaned back, spinning my chair around. I stared at the ceiling, feeling embarrassed for the way I acted.

He's not my boyfriend. Never was, he probably wouldn't be.

It was late into the afternoon when Kate called me. She wondered if I was okay and that I had left my clothes there. I answered swiftly; "I'm fine. Keep them there for me, I'll get them soon."

Kate hummed. "Hey, ya'know, don't bother yourself about Pete. He's an idiot."

"I'm not bothered, Kate. I'm...I just overreacted." I grimaced to myself.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive, Katy."

"Okay, well I was just checking up on you."

"Thanks. I'll talk to you soon."

I hung up with Kate and went on with the night; having dinner with my dad and Amy before heading back upstairs to watch TV. The TV helped my mind drift away from the scene I caused the day before. I would give a lot to take it all back.


The week seemed to fly by; I hadn't seen Pete, I didn't really leave the house, and I had gotten a prescription of birth control. Amy had joked it was an early birthday present from her. I couldn't help but to laugh and smile about that.

My birthday was only hours away when my dad had came into the living room where I was. He handed me a glass of chocolate milk; "I thought you'd want some." He said.

I took the glass, "Thanks."

He sat beside me; that lingering look graced his face. I raised a brow at him, "What's going on?"

He looked at me, "You aren't really leavin', are you?"

I smirked, "Where would I go?"

"Dunno...Pete's or Kate's."

Shaking my head, I retorted; "I'm not going anywhere, dad."

"You sure?" He teased.

"I'm sure, dad. Plus, I have nowhere to go. I ain't not vagabond."

He chuckled, "Good. I don't want you to leave until you're good and ready."

I chugged some of the chocolate milk, "Good to know."

"So, do you know what you're gonna do after school?" He asked suddenly.

I shrugged, set my glass on the table and sat back. "This modeling thing ain't so bad. I got paid $300 bucks just for posing."

"You're going to college, Naomi." My dad countered.

"I know," I laughed, "I'm just saying. I can find a career in that field, but if not, I'll be a writer or...I dunno, a teacher."

My dad gave an approving nod, "As long as you pick a good and steady profession."

"I know, dad, I know."


I met with Kate the next afternoon; after school. I went over to her house, leaving my dad and Amy to do whatever the heck they do when I'm gone. She told me that Chris was gone, so we could hang out.

We hung out in her living room, watching TV while we joked and talked. We laughed a lot, which seemed to help me even more; I had to return to school next Monday and I wasn't looking forward to it. We had come up with some tactics to avoid Seth; while talking, Kate's eyes focused on my neck.

"I've been meaning to ask, who gave that to you?" She pointed to my necklace.

It was the broken heart I had gotten from Pete. I wore it everyday, but barely noticed it; it had become just a part of me. I fingered the ridges, "Pete gave it to me."

"When?"

"A while ago." I said with a shrug.

She hummed softly, and then her eyes lit up, "I almost forgot! I got you something for your birthday."

I frowned slightly, "You didn't have to, Katy."

She went up towards the stairs, "I wanted to, hang on!"

I shook my head and sat back against the couch. Just as I had, the front door opened, and in came Chris. He nodded at me, "Where's Kate?"

"Upstairs." I said.

"Oh." He came and sat in the arm chair across from the couch. "Uh, Pete's lookin' for you...says it's your birthday or somethin'."

"It is, but I don't wanna talk to him."

"Ya'know, Pete's an idiot, but he's crazy about you, Naomi."

I frowned, "Doesn't seem like it."

"Yeah, because he's always flipping back and forth." Chris said with a laugh. "He means well."

I didn't respond to what he said; I had nothing to say. Kate had come down anyway, holding a medium sized, wrapped box. She sat next to me and handed it off, "It's a little something I thought was cool."

The box wasn't that heavy, so I was curious as to what was inside. I unwrapped it and then popped the lid off; inside were two books; A Farewell to Arms and Fight Club. I grinned at her, "Thanks, Katy."

"You're welcome."

I gave her a swift hug before looking the books over. I hadn't had copies of these books, but I had read them. Pete had both copies and read Fight Club to me back in the summer. I couldn't help but to reminisce about it. Every little thing reminds me of him.

I thanked Kate again, settling the books aside before we went back to talking. We joked around again, this time with Chris, until my dad called over and told me I had to go. I gathered my things, said my goodbyes and began to make my way home.

And, once I got there, I hurried in; the sky was thickening and I knew the rain was coming. I placed my things by the stairs and went to the living room; I stopped at the kitchen when I saw a flicker of a candle. I looked over; Amy and my dad had a small cake with 7 candles on it.

"You guys know I'm 17, right?" I jested as I took my coat off.

"This cake is entirely too small to hold 17 candles." Amy smiled, "Now, come make a wish."

I looked at the both of them, smiling shyly, "Okay."

I looked at the cake; it had red and white frosting, the candles were red, and my name was written in red frosting across the surface. I took in a soft breath and then blew out the candles; my only thought was, I wish I understood things more clearly. Amy and my dad clapped for me and then Amy began to cut the cake.

I was thanking them as we ate a bit; I showed them what Kate had gotten me, and then out came their gifts. Amy had given me a new bag and coat; one that looked like my dad's, but fit smaller. My dad gave me some more records, and then he handed me a silver and black switchblade.

"What the hell?" Amy and I muttered.

"It's for your protection."

I frowned, "You want me to go to prison?"

"It's just for protection. Keep it in your bag, you never know." He said this in a stern tone.

"Okay." I nodded slowly, "Thanks, dad."

He gave me a hug before allowing me to head upstairs for bed. I put my things away, changed my clothes and crawled into my bed. I hugged my pillow, shutting my eyes; in my head was Pete and how much I wish he was here with me.

Did I waste my wish? No, because wishes like this don't come true.


I was home alone the next morning; both Amy and my dad were off at work. I spent the morning watching cartoons and eating cereal. That is, until there was a knock at the door.

I frowned, looking over, "Who is it?" I called.

They didn't answer. I sighed and got up, placing my bowl down on the coffee table. I went over to the door, leaning a little on the tips of my toes to see through the peephole.

To my complete and utter surprise, there was Pete.

I landed back on my feet and sighed. I tugged at my bottom lip before I opened the door; "Whadda want?"

"To see you." Pete answered. "Can I come in?"

"No."

"Well, will you come with me?" He countered.

"What for? I don't want to talk to you."

"Naomi," he gave an exhausted sigh, "Please? Just this one time."

"Why should I?"

His lips turned up, "Because you're my best friend and I love you."

And like that, I was a sucker. I shut my eyes over and then gave him a sharp look, "Wait outside."

He grinned now, "Whatever you say."

I shook my head, shut the door and jogged up the stairs.