Take This to Your Grave

I changed my clothes, bundling up for the weather and then made my way back downstairs. I opened the door, seeing Pete smoking a cigarette and I scowled at him. He turned his head to see me, "Are you ready?"

"Yes." I shut the door behind me as I walked out. "Let's get this over with before I catch my death."

Pete nodded and took hold of my hand; I rolled my eyes and followed him down the pathway and to his car. We got in; his car was a real bucket; it took forever to start, and when it did, we jolted forward.

"It's your exhaust, you know." I told him.

Pete sucked on his cigarette and gave me a look of annoyance. I cocked a brow at him, "How do you know?"

"My dad can fix a car. Plus, I'm not an idiot, your car needs oil. And don't flood the gas when it bucks like that, you'll fuck up the engine."

He looked at me with a smile now, "Smart ass."

I sighed under my breath, "You can pull over and I'll go back home."

"I'm only kidding, Naomi, geez." He laughed.

"You're always joking around," I spat out, "I don't want to play anymore."

He looked forward, "I'm sorry, alright?"

"You're sorry." I stated with a sarcastic tone.

"Yeah, I am."

"Well, guess what, I don't care."

"You do care. You yelled at me."

"Because you're an idiot. You play with my emotions."

"I didn't mean to...and that girl, Sarah, she isn't my girlfriend."

"Then who is she?" I questioned, "Some girl you fuck?"

He was silent, sucking deeply on his cigarette. I sucked my teeth and crossed my arms over my chest, "I knew it. You're an asshole."

"Yeah, I know I am. I'm bad news, I'm a fuck up, I'm good for nothing." He listed swiftly, "And I don't care, Naomi."

"Good." I spat, "Let me out the car."

"No." He rolled his window down and tossed the cigarette out. "I want to talk to you, and apologize."

"Talk about what? We have nothing to talk about."

"Yeah we do. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings--"

I cut him off, "You did not hurt my feelings."

"If I didn't, then why did you yell and tell me to drop dead?"

"Because you piss me off!" I growled. "Most of the time I want to punch you in the face."

He gave a small laugh, "And the rest of the time?"

I narrowed my eyes and glared at the side of his head, "I want to kick you in the balls."

He laughed again, that goofy laugh that usually got me started. I gritted my teeth and refused to let out even a small huff. I looked away and stared straight ahead.

His laughing quieted after a moment, and I saw that he was driving towards Western Springs, towards Lake Michigan. "You know I like you more than I like most people."

"It's hard to tell. I get the controlling, jerk-off Pete Wentz, and everyone else gets the happy Pete. What the fuck?"

"Well, I don't have to put on a facade when I'm with you. That's how I am, Navy; I'm controlling, I'm a jerk. I'm fuckin' nuts."

"You're fake when you're around your friends?" It came out more so as a statement rather than a question.

"Yeah, I do. I don't want anyone to know how I really am."

"Then why are you real with me?" I was honestly and completely confused by him.

"Because I love you." He answered with a small voice.

I furrowed my brow. "But, they're all your friends...I'm sure they wouldn't care how you are."

"They haven't carved into me like you have."

"And how did I do that?" I asked.

He shrugged, "I don't know. I probably won't ever know. Maybe...maybe because I feel more like myself when I'm with you. You make me feel different, I told you before."

"You confuse me." I muttered as my eyes returned to glance at him.

He smiled, "That's what I'm suppose to do, right? Drive you crazy, ruin you so you'll only have me."

I scoffed, "Whatever, you wish." I sighed softly as we grew silent, "Your face looks better."

His smile had stayed, "Thanks."

Again, the silence filled the car; he drove a bit longer before he parked in a parking lot just across the lake. He turned the car off and then looked at me; "I got you something."

"Why?"

"For your birthday." He answered with a small chuckle.

"Yeah, I know, I mean, why did you get me something?"

"Because I wanted to."

I watched him reach into the backseat, fumble around and then sit back. He handed me a large manila envelop, reserved for documents; I raised a brow, "What is it?"

He smiled, "My heart."

I couldn't resist the urge to roll my eyes. I pulled the tabs open, opened the envelope and reached inside; it was a plastic sheet. I pulled it out and saw it was an x-ray film. "What?"

"Hold it up." He instructed.

I shook my head as I did so; I held it up towards the dim sun just out the windshield and looked. I was completely confused at first, not until I figured out what it was; it was an x-ray of his heart. I looked at him, "How the hell did you get this?" I looked at the film again, noticing that his name was printed in the top left corner; Wentz, Peter.

"I got it last week. I told the doc it was an emergency, my heart was gonna explode." He continued to grin at me.

I bit at my bottom lip to hold back a grin myself; "You actually got them to believe you?"

His lips turned down in an intrigued way; "No, but I bribed the doctor pretty good. He made me a copy."

"How the hell did you--"

"It's not important," he said. "I wanted to get you something that you have, but not in the physical form."

My lips trembled, breaking free to smile, "You beautiful son of a bitch." I muttered.

"I love you, Navy." He said softly, "I may be all screwed up, but I'm sure that I love you, and I probably will until I'm dead."

I exhaled, "Thank you...for telling me that and for your heart."

He shrugged happily, "I wanted to give you that. Besides, you've done a lot of shit for me...you got into a fight with your dad, you came to me when you felt like you needed someone, and you're always there when I need you."

"A good friend's job is never done." I mused with a laugh.

"You're my best friend," he corrected. "You're the only one I want."

I bit at my cheek now, slipping the film back in the envelope, "Ditto."

Pete turned on the radio, and then he dug into his pocket. I watched him pull out a joint and proceed to light it. "Why'd you bring me here anyway?"

He took a long drag, held it before answering me, "It's gonna start snowing over the water. I wanted you to see it."

I sat back in the passenger seat, looked at the sky; the clouds were thick, pregnant with rain. I was completely confused by Pete most of the time, but this time he made things more clearly for me to understand. I had to stand back and let Pete do what he wanted because he's a grown man and he owes nothing to me, and I don't owe him anything. He's my friend, I'm his and thats it. Nothing more and nothing less.

But, I think I'll always have stronger feelings for him. Especially after every ordeal.


The snow started to fall a while after we had gotten to Lake Michigan. He took me back home, and that's when it started to come down harder. My dad and Amy came home a few hours after I had. I stayed up in my room, trying to find a place to put Pete's heart. It sounded funny in my head.

I decided to put it on my shelf, my dad wouldn't really see it. Well, I wasn't even sure if he'd care; he didn't seem to have any care that I was friends with Pete. He hasn't said anything about it, so I was in a limbo, a grey area.

After a while, I went downstairs to eat with them, engaging in casual conversation. My dad had brought up the notion of speaking to the principal when I returned to school. I tried not to think about it, or speak about it; I was filled with dread.

When I returned to bed, I was filled with nervousness and a bit more happiness. I was happy with Pete, even after how much his actions had bothered me. I just hated going back to school and seeing Seth.


I returned to school that Monday; my dad had come with me to the office. Kids had looked at me funnily, but they weren't whispering. I had sucked in a breath when we had been told to wait.

"What if I have to change my classes?" I asked my dad.

"Then you do." He said simply. "I'd rather you do that then have Seth both you."

"Yeah, you're right."

I exhaled each deep breath as we entered the principal's office. He was not happy to see me, but he tolerated the fact I was there. My dad had explained the situation, while answered questions like; "Is this true? Do you feel safe? Where did this happen? Are you sure he did this? You aren't lying?"

I was ready to tell him off, but I bit my tongue. Ultimately, Mr. Winger had declined the proposition, stating that; "It's hard to believe that a student would do such a thing. They're teenagers, things get mixed up. They'll be adults soon, so they need to learn to sort out their differences."

My dad, he nearly exploded; he shouted and cursed, and then he led me out. "We'll find you another school." He said hotly.

I was shocked by my dad. His whole rant ran through my head, I hadn't ever seen him so angry; the vein in his neck had popped out. I wasn't even that upset by Mr. Winger's decision.

I stopped my dad half way out the school, "Dad, I can't change schools."

He stopped and looked at me, "You don't want to? What about Seth?"

"I can handle myself." I said, "I don't want to leave Kate by herself...besides, school'll be over in 6 months."

My dad's features smoothed over, "Are you sure?"

I nodded, "I'm sure, dad."

He gave a sigh, "If he does anything, I want you to scream and use that pocketknife."

I smiled warmly, "I will, dad."

He gave me a hug, "Okay, Naomi, I trust you."

I kissed his cheek, "Thanks, dad. I'll go talk to Mr. Winger."

My dad patted my shoulder, "Alright, kid. Have a good day. I want you to call me if anything happens."

I nodded reassuringly, "Of course. Bye dad."

He waved, "Bye, Naomi."

I returned to the office, much to the secretary's horror. I politely asked to speak to Mr. Winger again; and he gladly let me return, apologize. I told him that I wouldn't cause anymore trouble.

"I'm glad to know that you're acting like an adult." He noted.

I held back a roll of my eyes, "Yeah, well, I'm 17 now."

I was dismissed and managed to make it to my first class a few minutes after the bell.