Take This to Your Grave

Leo's mother, Margo, looked at me with disdain. Her eyes narrowed; they were dark like, coals. This old woman was the goddamn devil; she was short, had puckered lips, cheeks; like she's been sucking on a lemon.

She hasn't ever liked me, and I never liked her. She has called me the spawn of the devil and a bastard child. I never ever cared what she said about me because she has always said those things while I was growing up. I've learned to ignore her. Still, my ignoring her never stops her from sly digging me when she can.

"Hey, Naomi," Leo said shortly as my mom led me inside; again, I was stuck holding Jonathan. "How've you been?"

"Fine." I murmured.

Leo reached out and took Jonathan from me; Margo was staring at me from the bottom of the staircase. I waved to her, smiling mockingly, "Hello Margo."

"I'm not your grandmother." She spat.

I raised a brow, "I didn't say--"

My mom cut me off, "Come eat, Naomi." She took my arm and led me to the kitchen.

I saw my younger sisters at the table coloring; Regina and Vita; Vita is 7 (going on 8), and Regina had just turned 4. "Hey guys."

They looked up at me and waved. Vita spoke up, "Are you staying with us again?"

I shook my head, "I'm just visiting."

"Oh." That's all she said before she went back to coloring.

My mom had me sit in the middle of them; "You're on spring break, right?"

"Yeah, 2 weeks." I said; I placed my rucksack at my feet. "Are some of my clothes still here?"

"Yes, but we moved them to the attic to make room." She busied around the kitchen. "I wasn't sure if I would sen them to you or if you would come back."

I looked at her, "Come back?"

My mom hummed, still moseying around to make me a plate of Italian food that I'm sure Margo made "from scratch"; "Well, like I said, Naomi, I wasn't sure."

"Oh."

"Did you want to?" She asked with a curious look.

I thought carefully; I was never one to intentionally hurt anyone's feelings. It was mostly accidentally because I never think before I speak -less of the time. "Uh, I...I wasn't sure, ya'know." I swallowed, "I'm waiting on letters from schools."

"Oh?" My mom came over, set a plate in front of me and then sat across from me; and Regina and Jordin. "What schools."

I poked at my food, "DePaul, Columbia, UC..." I trailed, "I really want to go to UC so I'll be close to my dad and my friends."

"Why not NYU?" She asked with a small tinge of guilt to her voice.

It was like she was on the verge of apologizing to me for something I didn't know she was suppose to say sorry for.

"Oh, I didn't really think about it, mom. I thought it was the closest, I mean, I'll be close to dad, and live at home to save some money."

"Your dad and I have a fund for you we started way back when you were a year old. That's more than enough of money for you to live off of."

I quickly pushed some food into my mouth. I chewed and thought, trying to think of an excuse. I swallowed the mush, "I have a boyfriend." I told her quickly; I grabbed a napkin from the middle of the table and wiped my mouth. "I want to be close to him, too. He got into DePaul. One of my friends, he takes a train here to go to Columbia and I don't want to do that."

She smiled, "Well, why didn't you just say you had a boyfriend? What's his name? Tell me everything!"

I felt victorious on diverting something that I wasn't sure I was actually steering from. I began to tell her about Mike, and it was pretty lengthy. We talked about my friends, and I had to make sure that I didn't tell her about Kate's pregnancy; I don't think I'd want to hear her lecture about my friends and safe sex. After all that, she took me to the guest room down the hall from the living room.

This house had 4 bedrooms; 2 upstairs and 3 downstairs. My room was downstairs, my sisters shared a room and the other is a guest room. My old bedroom now belongs to Margo, while the bedroom upstairs is my baby brother's. Most of my stuff was in the attic; my bed was now Margo's; along with my desk, chair, lamp and bedside tables. The guest room wasn't all that bad, it just felt stale; no one stayed in there much; just Leo's family when they had come to visit.

"I put new sheets on the bed...I hope you sleep well." My mom said as she went over to the bed; she pulled the comforter back.

"I can usually sleep anywhere." I chuckled; I tossed my rucksack on the dresser.

My mom turned and smiled at me; "Tomorrow, while everyone is at church, me and you will go shopping. Would you like that?"

"Sure. What are you shopping for?"

"Not for me, silly! For you."

"Oh." I bit at the inside of my bottom lip, "Okay."

"Is there anything specific you want to buy?"

"No, I'm okay, mom." I told her, "I have enough clothes..." I trailed for a moment, "Actually, I have a lot of promo clothes that I don't really need."

"Promo clothes?" She asked.

"Um, from the photo shoots. They let me keep some of the stuff; they usually give it to me because I can wear them out and tell people where to get them, if they ask."

She smiled now, "Thats great, Naomi. Is that what you want to do? Be a model?"

I shook my head, "No way, it's too much for me; the makeup, the tight, high heeled shoes--"

She cut me off, "Then why do you do it?"

"For the money. They pay me a lot."

Her eyes widened, "Wow. How long are you gonna do it?"

"Uh, until I start college in the fall."

She patted my arm, "Well, I think it's nice that you get work out tht growth spurt."

I laughed as she began to leave, "Yeah, I'm taller than Pete."

She paused, "Who's Pete?"

I turned to face her, "Just my friend. He goes to Columbia, he's studying Political Science."

Her eyes lit up, "Oh, that's amazing, Naomi. How old is he?"

I thought, keeping from spitting out the truth, "19."

She hummed approvingly, "I think you should give him a try."

I frowned, "He's just a friend, besides I really like Mike."

She shrugged, "Just a suggestion. He's smart if he's studying Political Science; what's he going to be?"

"I dunno...his dad is a lawyer, so I'm sure he'd probably be a lawyer."

I truly didn't know what Pete would be.

"Wow," she murmured again, "What a catch!"

I bit at my lip, "He's just my friend."

She smiled slyly, "Honey, things change, you know."

I nodded slowly, "Okay, mom."

My mom left the room and I let out a small exhale and then plopped onto the bed. I fell back, cool metal fell into the hollow of my throat. My hand came up and, as usual, I touched and felt my necklace; I sang the song in my head.

My mom didn't know how right she was about Pete being a catch. He's unique and I'm in love with him, and I hate it. I wish I could tell her, but I didn't know how or if she would go and tell my dad.

My life is such a fucking dilemma.


The few days with my mom flew by. I managed to ignore Margo and her dirty looks; I played with the baby, and saw some of my old "friends". I couldn't wait to go home; really, I couldn't wait to see Pete.

The whole time I fought the idea of calling him. I had more than enough chances to do so, but I didn't. I wasn't sure what is say or what we'd talk about; no, we'd talk about anything, because that's who we are.

But, the time came and went and I was at the train station before I knew it. I shifted on my feet as I waited for my turn to get on the train; my rucksack was heavy, full. My mom had bought me a suitcase so I could fit clothes she had bought me. The trip to the mall was a long one with her nearly buying every piece of clothing possible for me; I wasn't sure what this meant.

She had kissed my head as I was ready to step into the cab. I inhaled, "I'll see you, mom."

My mom smiled, her dainty hand lifting to wave at me, "I love you, Naomi."

I forced the words, "I love you, too." I don't know why, but it was hard for me to say those words to her.

I got on the train, took my seat and watched her wave and then step back. After a few minutes, the train was set and started to move; I watched her turn and watch the train; she wasn't waving anymore.

The ride felt like it took a few minutes; I read a book along the way and was surprised when we stopped. I shoved my book into my rucksack and started to get off; from the window, I saw my dad and Amy waiting for me. My heart swelled, and I couldn't believe how hard the homesick was washing over me. As skin as I was off that train, I ran over to my dad, dropping the suitcase and my rucksack at his feet. I hugged him tightly, earning a laugh from him; "Did you miss me?"

I nodded, "I didn't realize it until I saw you. I missed you a lot, dad."

He hugged me back and kissed the top of my head, "I missed you, too. It was too quiet."

I parted from my dad and went for Amy; I hugged her, and she laughed too, but she wasn't reluctant to return the gesture. "I missed you, too." I told her.

"Aw, I missed you, too, honey."

My dad patted my back as I parted from Amy; "C'mon, kid, let's get home. What's all this stuff you got?"

I groaned softly; "Mom took me shopping."


It was almost weird how quickly I saw Pete; my dad had pulled up into the drive way and I saw Pete exiting his parents' house. I held my breath; he was watching us, but kept walking. I wanted to bolt out the truck and run over to him, but I didn't, despite the aching urge.

Once we were out the truck, Pete was in his car; it was a moment that he stayed parked, and then he took off. I felt a bit disappointed; I didn't say anything, I just followed Amy and my dad into the house.

Immediately, Amy took me into the kitchen and made me a snack. My dad had taken my things upstairs for me; Amy asked how my stay was and I answered truthfully. To be honest, it was hard to concentrate and answer when my head was full of Pete, Pete, Pete.

I managed to be courteous, eat and talk a bit with Amy. The rest of the evening was pretty much the same; talking and watching movies. Amy told me a bit about her dress and more wedding plans. By night fall, I was exhausted and I wasn't sure why, but I fell asleep rather quickly.

The next morning was the same, but Mike came over and I was able to go out with him. I went with him to his band practice; I hung out with Bill, who happened to be there, and waited patiently for Mike. I was bored, but I did not say anything, I never wanted to seem like some needy girlfriend. It was over before I knew it, though, and then Mike started to drive me home. "Hey, you wanna come to a party tonight?"

I shrugged, "Sure, but I gotta see if my dad will let me."

Mike tweaked his lips, "I hope so, we're playing tonight."

I smiled, "Shut up! How come you didn't tell me?"

He was hiding a smile, "I dunno, I just wanted to surprise you."

"Aw!" I cooed, and leaned over and kissed his cheek. "You're the fuckin' sweetest."

He chuckled, "Thanks, babe, I try."


My dad had approved of me going to the party. He and Amy were going out anyway, but I had to be home before midnight. They both left at 6, and Mike was going to pick me up at 8, so I didn't have to get ready for a bit.

I was in my bedroom watching TV, sitting up at the end of my bed. I was startled by a quick thump against my window. My eyes wondered over, and a smile crept upon my face; "Pete."

I got up, went over to the window, pushed the curtains to the side and smiled wider when I saw him smiling back at me. I opened the window and helped him in, "Well, what brings you by?"

He shrugged, shut the window and turned back to me, "I missed you."

I knew I was blushing, face reddening, "Did you?"

He hummed; his hands came over to take hold of my forearms. Without even a small, tiny warning, he kissed me; my heart thumped, and as much as my brain told me to push him away, I didn't. If anything, I pulled him in; my hands grabbed the bottom hem of his shirt and pulled him closer to me.