Take This to Your Grave

Pete exploded into laughter, not in the way you'd think he was laughing at me; he was laughing at the fact I had finally said what I had been thinking. He kissed me afterward, and then sat up, "You aren't serious, are you?" He looked a little nervous, and it was so cute.

"Yes." I muttered.

"We can't, Naomi." He looked a little disappointed.

"Yes we can. My dad and Amy don't get home until 5 or 6 and it's 2:30."

Pete bit at his lip, "This is a big step, you know. What about your boyfriend?"

I didn't feel the least bit guilty; "What about him?"

"You won't feel bad about cheating on him?"

"No. Not now, anyway."

He sighed, "I can't do that to you, Navy, and you know it. You're all fucked up right now, and having sex with me isn't gonna fix it."

I shoved his hand off of me, "How do you know what I'm feeling?" I nearly shouted at him, "God, you're such a prick! I'm over here giving you myself on a goddamn silver platter and you're worried about how I'm feeling--"

He cut me off, "I don't want you to regret it later!" He sat up, "I'd feel so fucked up if you said you wish we hadn't of done it."

I was still angry, "I'm giving you a special part of me, I wouldn't regret it later."

Pete sighed again, "Not now...later, alright? Later, when you've thought this all through, okay?"

I huffed, "I'm not gonna wait for you."

Pete cocked a brow, "Oh really? Go right ahead and fuck whoever you want, I don't care. You're not my girlfriend, you aren't hurting me."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "You are a jerk."

Pete started off the bed, "Yeah, I know, you tell me all the time."

He headed to my door, and I tossed a pillow at his back, it barely did anything; "Don't you dare come back or talk to me!" He left the room without turning back, "Don't even look at me!"

I growled and got up from my bed; I followed after him; I could hear him jogging down the stairs, "I hate you!" I screamed at him.

"Shut the hell up, Naomi, or the neighbors will know I was here." Pete said coolly at the bottom of the landing.

"I don't care!" I screamed at him, "I want them to know how much of an asshole you are!"

He looked at me dumbfounded, "Just because I won't fuck you?"

"Yes!"

I was acting so stupid.

"You're fuckin' crazy." He muttered and continued to the door.

I began to jog down the stairs and paused at the last few steps; his hand was on the knob. Just before he opened it, I yelled; "You walk out that door, don't come back!"

He scoffed, back still to me, "You'll be begging to see me."

"You wish!" I had choice words for him, but I held my tongue. I was angry, but I wasn't vindictive.

"I don't wish," he looked back at me, "I know you will."

I balled my fist tight, ground my teeth and growled, almost to the point where I was going to scream. I fought the urge to rush down the stairs and hit him.

"Fuck off!" I screamed and stomped back upstairs.

I don't know why I was so angry, and why I was upset that he wouldn't sleep with me. I fell onto my bed and started to cry; an array of emotions flooded me and I just cried. Then, I grabbed my pillow, pressed it against my face and screamed bloody murder into it.


When all my anger had worn off, I was left feeling exhausted and sorry for the way I acted. I grimaced at the fact that I had yelled at Pete like I had. I was stupid for being so upset; I decided that I wouldn't see him until I was courageous enough to.

I thought about it as the week went by; it made me realize that all my anger was generated toward Seth and his killing himself. I was angry at the world and at myself, not so much Seth. I dealt with it by letting myself cry and let out the anger in screaming into my pillows and hitting them. By the end of the week I felt a little bit better, but the anger and bitterness was still there. My anger was now towards Seth, the fact that he got away out of being forced to recognize what he did.

Yes, it was salt to a wound.

School got a little easier at the end of the week; people simply ignored me again. I was fine with being ignored, I didn't want to be anyone's friend. Anyway, I ate lunch with my few friends; Mike, Bilvy, Carden, and some girls that were their friends.

When I would go home, my dad and Amy checked up on me, making sure that I was okay; I told them I was, but told them that I was still a little angry. They didn't reprimand me when they heard me screaming angrily, they had checked on me a few times and found me in a heap on the floor with a pillow clenched between my palms. They finally got used to it, and came up after I had finished screaming to bring me downstairs and be with them. I spent the large part of that week, the weekend and the following week in the house, wanting to be alone. My friends understood; Mike had understood and came over a bit to see me and hang out.

The following weekend, I had gotten a call from Babette telling me that Kate had gone into labor. I had my dad drive me to the hospital to go and see her; I told him that I would catch a ride with Babette afterward. He dropped me off and I went inside; it was only mid-afternoon, the maternity ward was practically empty, but in the lobby, I was surprised to see Pete there with Chris and Babette.

"Naomi," Babette smiled and stood, "Hey, I feel like I haven't seen you in ages."

I went over, my eyes were still on Pete (he was looking down at the floor) as Babette hugged me. I broke my glance and looked at her, "Yeah, I've been...ya'know, uh..." I couldn't think of what to call what I was going through.

"It's cool," she smiled, "Want to go see Kate? Tina is with her, but I'm sure she'll want to go get coffee soon."

I followed Babette without a word or without looking at Pete. My steps matched hers as we went towards the hall, around a corner and down a ways until we got to a door with 7 on it. Babette pushed the door open where Kate's room was covered by a long curtain; I could hear the TV going and soft groaning.

"Katy, guess who's here!" Babette pulled the privacy curtain back.

Kate and Tina (her mom) looked at us; I waved at her, "Hey, Katy, how are you?"

We went over as she groaned again, "I'm in so much goddamn pain." She agonized.

"Language." Tina reprimanded her.

Kate groaned loudly, "Leave me alone."

Tina stood and huffed, "I'm going to get coffee."

"Bye." Kate again muttered her words.

Tina marched off, past us, and we walked over to Kate; her belly was still round, covered by a hospital gown and the white blanket.

"How long have you been in labor?" I asked as I sat on the end of her bed.

"6 hours." She sighed, "I'm barely dilated."

"Do you want me to stay?" I asked her.

She shook her head, "No, I'm good. But, you better come back when Julian is born." She smiled at me.

I smiled back, "Of course."

Babette yawned mocking, "Enough, enough. Tell me what's up with you and Pete."

I shook my head, grimacing, "Nothing."

"Bullshit, nothing!" Kate added, "The idiot looks like a sad puppy. Why do you think he's here; to visit me?"

"He's Chris' friend." I excused.

"No," Babette shook her head, "He may be Chris' friend, but he's here because he knew you'd be here."

"Well, what am I suppose to do?" I questioned shortly.

"Go talk to him!" They both exclaimed.

Rolling my eyes, I said, "No way."

"Yes way," Babette took my arm, making me stand and led me towards the door, "Go talk to him."

My feet dragged as I sighed, "Fuck me."

"I'll call you when Kate has her baby."

I huffed, "Goddammit, B."

"Just go!" Kate called.

I planted my feet and opened the door, "I really hate you guys right now."

Babette patted my shoulder, "Get your cute butt out there."

I shook my head and followed out, making my way down the hall. I was simply clueless as to what I would say to Pete. He was standing and looking down the hall when I came around the corner. He jumped slightly, but didn't move; I waved at him and continued on.

Once I reached him, I nudged my head toward the exit, "Come on."

He smiled softly and followed me out of the hospital. We stood at the curb a moment; his hands shoved into the pockets of his hoodie; "Aren't you hot?" I asked him.

He smirked, "Always."

I rolled my eyes, "I meant with your hoodie on."

He nodded, "Yeah, but I like my hoodie."

I looked at it; it was black with white bats on the breast and snug over his torso, "Suits you, but it's really small."

"It's a girls hoodie." He informed.

I shook my head, "Figures."

Pete stepped closer to me, "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too." I replied.

Pete then pulled out his hand, I saw keys, "Chris let me borrow his van. Wanna go somewhere?"

I shrugged, "Yeah, sure."

Pete took my hand, placing the keys in his other, and led me down to the parking lot. We got to Chris's large white can with a rose painted on the side. I laughed, I always laughed when I saw Chris's van; this thing is a death trap on the freeway.

We climbed in, "Where're we goin'?" I asked.

Pete started the van, "Dunno...let's just find a place."

I smiled again and let him pick wherever he wanted to go. He drove for awhile until we got to the bridge near the freeway, next to a gated up park that was no longer in use. The van puttered and stopped; we were secluded, so quiet, you could hear birds squawk.

"I wasn't in my right mind," I began quickly, "I'm sorry I put you in that position, Pete."

He looked over at me and laughed. I frowned deeply as he kept laughing.

"What's so damn funny?" I questioned angrily.

He smiled wide, that stupid dimple-y smile I loved too much and said, "You're talking like a grown up...like some business woman."

"Oh." I murmured, my anger diminishing. "I just...wanted to make sure you knew what was going on with me."

"It's okay," he said, the smile disappearing, "I know that you were going through some stuff."

I bit at my lip, "Thanks...for not taking advantage of me."

"I never would." His reply was quietly spoken.

"I know you wouldn't, but I'm...I was throwing myself out there," I gave a nervous laugh, my face burning, "I'm glad you didn't just do it."

"I told you, you would regret it."

I shook my head, "I don't think I would because my first time would've been with you."

He was quiet, looking down at my lap, or the seat, I wasn't sure. "Why do you like me?" He asked after a moment and then he looked up at me.

Our eyes met and then he looked down again. "Because you make me laugh...you're different and I like that. You're cute and I love your dimples and your teeth, if that's even possible," I laughed as he smiled, but it wasn't up at me. "I love you because you get me, Pete, just like I get you. We're different than everyone else and maybe we're suppose--meant to be together."

He finally looked up at me, "Do you think so?"

I nodded, and breathed, "Yeah."

Pete got up, hunching so his head wouldn't hit the ceiling, and then took my hand. He pulled me into the back of the van; it hadn't had seats. He and I sat on the old blanket back there, and before I knew it, he was kissing me.