Take This to Your Grave

I didn't have an excuse for why I would be out until 7 am. My dad would kill me as soon as I stepped foot into that house. I only hope that he thought I was with Mike, or with Kate.

I looked at my cellphone and saw that he, along with Mike, had called me several times. Biting the bullet, I went inside the house, listening for any disturbance. I crept in and then shut the door behind me; I think I would have to tell the truth now if I was caught.

I wasn't sure if I should go upstairs or head to the living room. Either way, my dad would find me, snap and yell at me; I decided to head to the living room, because I could eat once he did yell.

Walking in, I saw my dad and Amy asleep on the couch. I stopped, watched them for a moment and then I went to the kitchen; "They're going to kill me." I said to myself.

I combed my fingers through my hair and began to make a hot pocket. Nothing is as loud as what you're doing when there are people asleep in your house. The microwave seemed to buzz loudly and the fridge door seemed to slam close. There was no way around me waking them; when I did, I decided, that I wouldn't lie. I would tell the truth, because I had to, I couldn't lie anymore.

I wasn't expecting to have sex with Pete, I was expecting to just hang out for awhile, go to that stupid party and then come home. None of it went as I had vaguely planned it to. So, fuck it -I thought- let me just tell my dad that I was with Pete and that we hung out.

There was no way in hell I was going to tell my dad that I slept with Pete. He would actually go and murder Pete; I believe he would actually kill him. It wouldn't be premeditated, just blind anger and rage.

Once my hot pocket finished, I sat at the counter and ate, waiting. I was sure they would get up soon, my brain just wracked with how my dad would react. When I heard them moving, yawning and talking, I got up; "Look to see if she called." I heard my dad say.

"I'm here." I announced; I entered the living room.

They looked up at me with some relief to their faces; "Where the hell were you?" My dad asked as he stood, "Mike said you weren't at the party and was asking if you were here."

I swallowed and inhaled, "I was with Pete."

"With Pete?" He questioned with a tempered look.

"Yeah, we hung out." I said softly, "I'm sorry that I didn't call."

"Why didn't you? And where is your phone? I bought it for you for a reason."

My dad was irate and I was becoming nervous, my cheeks were getting hot.

"I left it in the car, I said I was sorry. I didn't mean to, I just did, I wasn't thinking."

My dad raked his hand through his hair, exhaling deeply, "Jesus, Naomi, I was worried sick."

"I wish I had remembered my phone," I was truly sorry; "I fell asleep."

My dad seemed unsure of what to say or do next; Amy was sitting up, watching us. I rubbed my neck nervously.

"Dad...?"

He shook his head, "Uh, go upstairs...we'll talk about this later."

"Please don't be mad," I began to beg, "I wish I hadn't of worried you."

My dad just nodded quickly, "Naomi, please, just go upstairs."

I ignored his command; "Wait, I want to know if you're mad at me. I don't want to wonder if you are or not."

He looked frustrated, ready to yell, "Naomi." He said my name shortly.

"Just tell me." I said in an arbitrated tone.

"Naomi," Amy began softly, "Just go upstairs."

I looked at her and then at my dad; I turned my heel, forfeiting. I went upstairs, into my room and shut the door behind me. My thoughts were consumed by what my dad must be thinking. I hate when he's mad at me, because I hate making him mad; I never truly intend to, but I always seem to. Now, you can blame me, but I didn't know what to expect from him when I came home.

I began to undress to take a shower; I grabbed some towels and went into the bathroom. I passed the mirror to the shower and paused; turning back, I looked at myself. My eyes widened when I saw the hickey on the side of my neck; I tried to remember if my hair was over my shoulder or behind it. My dad may've seen it and that sent my entire world into the pit of my gut. God, I would really have to tell the truth -the embarrassing truth.

I turned from the mirror and got into the shower; I began to wash up and scrubbed at where I had seen the hickey in the mirror. I wasn't completely positive that my dad saw it, so I knew that covering it up would have to do. So, when I got out the shower, I looked at myself in my vanity; my hair could cover it, otherwise it was this giant welcome sign to unwanted questioning.

After dressing, I returned to the bathroom, blow-dried my hair, straightened it and managed to hide the hickey pretty well. My stomach was in complete knots as I returned to my room and waited for something to happen. I had turned my TV on and sat on my bed; all the while I listened for my dad to come up the stairs.

I jumped when my phone started to ring; I saw it sitting on my desk, "Jesus." I groaned to myself. I got up and grabbed it, answering it, "Hello?"

"Naomi, I was bugged out! Where are you?"

It was Mike; his voice put a new sense of dread in my stomach.

"I'm at home." I answered, twirling my finger on my desk, absentmindedly.

"Where were you last night?"

I was silent for a moment, "I was...with Kate."

I waited for him to catch me in my lie.

"Oh. Why didn't you call me?"

Poor Mike, he didn't deserve this.

"Mike," I said his name airily, "I...I'm really sorry for worrying you. I didn't mean to, honestly."

"It's okay," he said this reassuringly, "I'm just glad that you're alright."

I sat in my desk chair and shut my eyes for a moment, "Can we meet later? I want to apologize in person."

"Naomi, you don't have to apologize." He gave a small laugh.

"I really want to see you...if I can, I think my dad is pissed."

He laughed once more, "Just call me, alright?"

"Yeah--"

There came a knock on my door and then my dad came in. I was all nerves again; "Mike, I've got to go."

"Alright, I'll see you."

"Yeah, bye." I rushed and hung up.

My dad just looked at me with this look I couldn't place. My heart was racing worse than it has ever in the last 6 months. "We need to talk." He finally said.

I stood up, my knees shaking, "What about?"

"I think you know." He said shortly.

I swallowed, "I just wanted to see him, okay? I haven't been able to with school, those stupid photo shoots and Mike. He's still my friend, just like Kate, William and--"

He stopped me with a raise of his hand, "What did you do with him last night? And I don't want to hear a lie."

I felt like I was falling from 20,000 ft. without a parachute. My heart might as well explode; I wish it had, so I could die and have an excuse to not tell my dad what happened last night.

I sat back down and was silent; I looked down and bit on the inside of my cheek. I was so nervous, I was ready to throw up. My voice trembled: "What do you want to know?"

"I want to know what the hell you were doing with him!"

I jumped and then exhaled, "What do you want me to say, dad? I don't..." I trailed and ran my hand through my hair.

Stupid move.

"What's that?" He questioned in surprise.

"What?" I asked, confused.

He grabbed my arm, pushed my hair away from my neck. His grip loosened on my arm and he was still. I was caught.

"That's it," he let me go, "You think that I wouldn't know?"

"I didn't do anything until last night!" I shouted out of fear, adrenaline. "I-I'm sorry! But, yes, I had sex with Pete."

His eyes widened slightly and then he stepped back, "I'll kill him."

My dad was heading towards the door, but I jumped and grabbed his arm, "Dad, no! Pete didn't do anything I didn't want him to do, okay?" He turned to me again, giving me such an incredulous look. "Leave him alone, go on and yell at me, because I deserve it more than you think."

He did not skip a beat; "What the hell were you thinking, Naomi?!"

"I was thinking that I love him!"

The room was completely silent. Deafening silence.

"You love him?"

"Yes."

Our tones were both quick and sharp.

"What's this business with Mike?"

I shook my head, "I don't know. I don't know...I like him, but I know that I want Pete more."

My dad stood silent. I was waiting for that verbal lashing.

"I can't believe you, Naomi." He muttered in disbelief. "I-I-I don't even have anything to say to you!"

"At least you know the truth." I said quickly, "I'm sorry if the truth sucks, but you know how I feel. Amy knows how I feel and now--"

He cut me off, "Wait, Amy knew about you and Pete?"

"No, she knows how I feel about him." I corrected. "Don't be angry with Amy."

My dad shut his eyes, turned his back to me and then placed his hands on his hips. All my nervousness was gone, I just awaited what he would say or do next. I gave up all dread, because it was over; I had not a single weight about keeping what I had done from my dad.

My only weight was telling Mike that it was over between us.

"This is ridiculous," my dad said suddenly, breaking me from my thoughts, "So, you're going to be with Pete now?"

I was a little afraid to nod, but I did anyway. My dad sighed deeply, "I have to go, I can't look at you right now, Naomi."

I furrowed my brow deeply as he began to leave; I followed after him, "Tell me what I did wrong! I'm grown up, I know what I'm doing! I'm not an idiot!"

My dad stopped mid-way down the stairs and then turned to look at me, "You're making stupid decisions, Naomi. Do you think that Pete wants to be with you or just sleep with you?"

"Both!"

My dad was furious. "You want to continue and do this shit behind my back and under my roof? I won't let it! You can get out today!"

I was just as stubborn as he was and I was extremely vengeful, "I already have my bags packed!"

The look on his face satisfied me the most; he was shocked and caught off guard.

"You better leave that car in the drive way then!" He shouted back.

"Amy gave me that car, not you!"

That's when she came up the stairs and stood between us; "Okay, calm down," she said to my dad first, "Go and relax, Lee."

My dad growled under his breath and continued down the stairs. My fists were balled and I hadn't noticed until Amy took ahold of my wrists; "Naomi, take a deep breath."

I was breathing fast, I hadn't noticed that either.

"Let your dad calm down--"

I shook my head, "No, because I know that he's speaking his mind. I know he wants me out his life just like my mom did. I won't burden him anymore, I'll leave."

"Naomi, you know that isn't true."

"How do you know it isn't?" My chest was starting to hurt. "I'm going to leave now..." I shook her hands off and retreated to my room, rummaging around to get a bag ready.

"Hey, hey," Amy came and grabbed my arm, "Knock it off. You and your dad are the most stubborn set of people I have ever met. You aren't going anywhere."

"Just let me go, Amy," I begged, "At least for a few hours."

Her eyes were reading me, my features. She exhaled softly, "I'm not letting you take a bag, to ensure that you'll come back."

I blinked, "Okay."

Amy pulled me into a hug and squeezed her arms around me. I almost started to cry, I held it in.

"I want you back here by midnight." She told me sternly. "Or by tomorrow morning, understand?"

"Yes."

We parted and she kissed my forehead. I smiled faintly before leaving the room, heading down the stairs and out the door.