Take This to Your Grave

My face flushed, "How...I dropped it?"

Babette nodded, "Yep. Saw it on the floor and was just about to ball it up."

I leaned against the counter and sighed, "Don't tell anyone."

"Well, are you?"

"I dunno."

"Are you taking the test?"

"Yeah...I started it 7 minutes ago." I glanced at my watch and then back at B.

"How long are you suppose to wait?"

"15 minutes."

Babette gave me a look; "You know, Naomi, you should know better."

I ran my hand through my hair, "Yeah, yeah, I know, but I was on birth control and I was feeling sick so my doc told me to stop it, but I told Pete that we couldn't do it, ya'know." My face was hot, I felt more than embarrassed.

Babette exhaled softly, "I'm sure it's nothing."

"I hope so."

"And if it is something, are you going to tell Pete?"

"I have to." I sputtered, "I mean, he'll see me sick and with a fat belly and know."

Babette smiled, "Yeah, but you don't have to tell him right away...if you are. You have to think."

"I am thinking..." I rubbed my neck, "My dad is going to murder me and then he'll murder Pete and then..." I groaned, "I hope I'm not knocked up. That's just what I need: to be knocked up by the neighborhood asshole."

She laughed this time, "It would've happened sooner or later."

I looked at her squarely, wondering exactly what she meant; "Do you think Pete and I'll be married and stuff like that?"

She nodded; matter of fact, "Yes, look at you two. How would you not think you and Pete would ever get married and have babies together?"

"I'm just a kid, he's this goof off and we aren't compatible in the least."

"You have to see it from everyone else's point of view, Naomi." She smiled again, "You and Pete Wentz were made for each other...fire and gasoline, boats and an ocean. Naomi and Pete are meant to grow old together."

"How...how can you tell?"

"If you see the way we see him look at you, or the way his eyes light up when your name is mentioned -at all; Pete loves you more than you think he does."

My stomach knotted, "If I do...if this test proves I'm pregnant, do you think he'll run away?"

She shrugged, "Commitment has never been Pete's forte, but if it's you, I'm sure he'd be ecstatic."

"He shouldn't be ecstatic," I muttered to myself, "Our lives would be over."

"Well, you don't know now, do you?" She quipped, "C'mon, lets go see."

Babette took my hand and led me upstairs; she went in the bathroom while I stood outside the door, leaning against the opposite wall. "How long do you have left?" She asked.

"3 minutes." I replied.

"Hmm..." She murmured.

I rubbed my eyes and tried not to think negatively. I thought about this in many different ways; good or bad, pregnant or not. Changes would have to be made immediately and I was praying that I wouldn't have to stop my plans to go to school.

"Naomi?" Babette's voice brought me back to reality; "How much longer?"

I looked at my watch, "A minute."

"I can see the results." She told me.

My heart was beating against my skin, I could feel it through my shirt; "What does it say?"

"Where's the box?" She asked instead of saying what was on the stick.

"The trash."

I heard her rustle around and then silence; the box tore a bit as she looked it over. She let out a small sigh, "Are you sitting down?"

"No."

"I think you should sit down."

"What does it say?" My throat caught, I wasn't even 100% sure that I spoke.

"It's positive."

That's when I fell on my ass; it was a short slide down the wall and then my ass hit the floor. I stared straight ahead, praying that Babette was joking or I heard wrong.

"Did ya hear me? I said it's positive."

"I-I hear you." I managed to mangle out.

Babette came out the bathroom, she had the test in one hand with tissue and knelt beside me; "Are you okay?"

I took it from here and looked at it; it was in fact positive. I had read and reread the instructions, so it was no doubt that this test was reading positive. I shook it, though and tried to make it change.

"It's not a magical 8 ball, Naomi," Babette grabbed my arm, "It's not gonna change until you get the answer you want."

Yes, results point in your favor.

"Shit." I spat out. "Shit, shit, shit!"

Babette pulled me into a hug, "It's okay, Naomi."

"What if it's wrong?"

"Naomi--"

"Should I take another one?"

She let me go and held my biceps, "If you want sure fire results, you should go to the clinic."

"Tomorrow, will you take me?"

"Yeah, of course. Are you patient enough for that?"

I nodded, "I need to think things through...get my shit together if I have to tell my dad."

Babette gave me another hug before helping me up; "If you need anything just call me. I won't tell Pete and I won't tell Chris."

"Thanks, B."

"No problem. Remember, if you need anything, just call."

"I will."

Babette kissed my cheek and led the way downstairs.


I wish I could've fallen asleep and woke up the next day, but things didn't work out that way. I was sick to my stomach and sleep was hell; I napped throughout the day, and my dad figured that I had some illness. Amy had chopped it up being my birth control; my dad felt sorry for me and tried waiting on me hand and foot. I had to stop him several times, I felt like a complete fuck up letting him do so.

Pete had called and asked me if he needed to come over and I told him no; "I'm sick, I just want to sleep."

"I'm sorry, Navy. Is it still the pills?"

"I think it's food poisoning." I mumbled. "I'll be okay, soon."

"I don't have to work tomorrow, do you want me to swing by?"

"Uh, maybe...later on. I'm just so tired and I don't want to bore you."

"You could never bore me." He said with a small laugh.

My heart thumped against my chest. "I'm sorry." I said softly.

"You don't have to be sorry," again, he laughed softly, "We can see each other all the time, ya'know."

I exhaled, "I'll call you tomorrow...I'm just...I feel like hell."

"Alright, I love you."

Pete always knows how to get me; "I love you, too."

I had wish I had the guts to tell him that I was possibly knocked up. The wonder was great, but it killed wanting to know. I was afraid that he would just freak out and ignore me for awhile.

I didn't want to be pregnant, I didn't want this all to come crashing down. I wanted my own life, I wanted to be selfish for as long as I could; I didn't want a life like Kate's or my mom's; I wanted my own. Pete should be able to have his own life, able to love me as freely as he wished, not because he had to. We should get married because it's the right time, have children at the right time, and be with each other because we wanted to be with each other. I wouldn't be able to deal if this ended before it's time.

A lot of shit would go down the tubes and I don't know how I would redeem myself. It's gut wrenching to know that only hours held my fate. My own decisions would got me into this mess and ultimately a test and more decisions would get me out.


Just after my folks left, Babette came over. She had smiled as I made me way to her car and got in; "How do you feel?"

"Like I ate too much and now it's coming back up on me."

Babette patted my thigh, "Just take in a deep breath and think positively...I mean, ya'know--"

I stopped her, "Yeah, I know."

"You look sick, Naomi," she told me, "Do you need to throw up?"

I nodded and she pulled over after having drove a few feet; I puked out the door and waited a moment for sitting up right. Babette gave me a few tissues and I wiped my mouth, thanking her; "I'm nervous."

"I know, honey."

She took off again; my stomach only settled a little before more nausea swept through me. I managed to keep it all down before she got to the clinic. I got out and ran to some bushes and threw up again; I was dry heaving when she came over to me; "C'mon, Naomi, it's okay."

I staggered up and followed Babette inside the clinic. It was near empty, I was thankful for this; I would probably puke again.

Babette signed me in and then she gave me the clipboard to answer the medical questions. My stomach settled better after a few minutes, and now I was just anxious. After turning the sheets in, all I had to do was wait; "Are you feeling better?"

I looked at her and nodded, "Yeah...just a little."

She smiled, "See? You're worrying over nothing, everything will be okay."

I exhaled through my nose, looking down at the linoleum floor, "Yeah...yeah, I know."

After a few more minutes of waiting, the nurse called me back. She was a little older and didn't seem to care how old I was; she asked me se questions and then had me pee in a cup. Afterward, I asked her if this test would be correct.

"We run it 5 times." She told me, "It'll be correct."

"How long will this take?"

"24 hours."

My stomach weaved again, "Why so long?"

"Have to be sure, Ms. Valentino."

I thanked her before leaving with Babette; "Maybe you can talk to Pete about this."

"I can't. Not yet." I muttered, "I wish this wasn't my life right now."

Babette patted my shoulder, "Don't worry, okay? Whatever the outcome, things will be okay."

It was easy for her to say, she wasn't me.