I've Abandoned Control

“How did I get myself into this?”, I thought to myself as I looked over my clothing choice for the night second guessing it. Just 2 hours earlier I was confident with my decision to go out on this blind date that my best friend had insisted I go on. Actually I probably had no choice in the matter, she always seemed to persuade me into doing things I would never do on my own. Jana and I had been best friends since before we started kindergarten. I kicked her out of my playhouse I made myself at a local town festival but she kept coming back. Since then we’ve been inseparable. She had been seeing this guy for about a year now and just so happened his brother became single recently and needed to socialize some. So there I sat, in a corner booth, in a secluded part of this restaurant, feeling as uncomfortable as one could feel. This was the first time I had actually met her boyfriend, Jared. He had been on tour for most of the time they had been together. When he did come home it was only for a couple of days and they stayed at his place the entire time. He seemed to really adore her though and I know she was crazy about him. I was happy for her. “Excuse us Jared, we need to go to the ladies room”, Jana said eying me & snapping me out of my daze. I was unconsciously playing with my pasta. Needless to say it was cold now. Good thing I wasn’t that hungry to begin with. I followed her to the ladies room, sort of relieved to be out of the loud room. “Paige, what is wrong with you, are you okay?” she said. “Yeah I’m fine.” I said as I reapplied my makeup. “Jared, is calling his brother now, or he said he was. Shannon is never late.” I looked at her, “I understand if he can’t make it. This probably wasn’t a good idea anyways. I don’t want to be a rebound to some guy.” she looked at me and tilted her head and said “Oh he’s coming. You have nothing to worry about.” When she has something planned it’s in a persons best interest not to interfere with her plans. I loved and hated that about her. “Are you ready to go back out there? He better know something by now.” Feeling nervous and self-conscious I asked my best friend did I look okay. She turned around and said without hesitation, “Paige, if I was a guy I’d be all over you!”. We laughed so hard we were crying and had to reapply our eye makeup, which wasn’t unusual for us. So we headed back and she turned around halfway back to our table and said “Paige he’s here. Just be cool okay.” I tried to look over her shoulder to see my date but all I could see was the back of Jared’s head. I breathed out, “Okay, I’ll be fine.” Taking a deep breath as we approached the guys. Jared stood up to greet us and then I made my way around the couple to set my eyes on the most attractive man I had ever seen. His eyes were amazing just like his brothers. But instead of blue they were dark and seductive. In that moment I had thanked myself for agreeing to come on this date and Jana for making me tag along and not taking NO for an answer. His arms were definitely a work of art. My mind started to drift off. I wonder how his arms would feel wrapped around my body. Snapping me out of my fantasy he said “Hi, I’m Shannon. Wow! My brother was right you are beautiful.” Trying to regain my composure, I finally introduced myself, “Hey Shannon, I’m Paige.”. He motioned for me to slide in the booth next to him with a smile on his face. I caught myself looking at him while he and his brother talked about things that happened on the road. I felt someone kick me underneath the table. Jana eyed me, and mouthed, Loosen up! Shannon ordered us drinks, except for Jared, he had a water. We listened as the boys talked. He was so interesting. I never met anyone as intriguing as him and I was afraid he knew the effect he had on people and me for that matter. We were having a good time when Jared suddenly announced he and Jana were going to head home. “What are you guys going to do?” Jared said while helping her put on her coat. I tried not to look up because I knew they would all be looking at me for a hint of a decision to be made. Jana leaned over and gave me a hug and asked if I was okay to stay with Shannon. I nodded and told her “Yeah, that’s fine and to enjoy Jared while he was at home.” There was a moment of silence as we watched the couple leave into a swarm of paparazzi. “That must get old.” I said taking a drink of my Merlot. Shannon suddenly leaned into me and whispered into my ear, “Do you want to come over to my house for awhile and just hang out?” His breath on me sent chills through my body. I didn’t trust myself with him and I knew that as soon as I laid my eyes on him. I composed myself and said, “Yeah, sure.” He smiled and raised up and kissed the corner of my lips and said “Good, I was afraid you might turn me down.” Without any hesitation I blurted out, “I don’t think I could ever say no to you.” I instantly regretted it. I didn’t go home with random guys. That just wasn’t my nature. He wasn’t just anyone though. He was special. He smirked, but then got really serious all of a sudden, “Well, in that case, do you have anywhere you need to be in the morning, I’d like for you to stay with me tonight.” I shook my head No and he took me by the hand after paying our bill and lead me out of the restaurant through the crowd of paparazzi to his truck never releasing his hand from mine.

——

Staring out the window of Jared’s SUV I couldn’t help but wonder what Paige and Shannon were doing. Shannon ordering us drinks was a good choice to get her to loosen up though, I could tell she was so nervous by her being so quiet. Paige being quiet was not in her nature. Before Jared whispered in my ear that he was ready to leave the restaurant and have some “alone time”, I asked her if she was going to be okay and when she nodded, I could see the “I got this look” on her face. Suddenly I felt Jared’s hand grab mine, “What are you thinking about over there? You’re being too quiet.” I looked up at him and there were those amazing blue eyes that I adored staring back at me with a concerned look on his face. “If your worrying about your friend she’s in good hands. My brother will take very good care of her.” “Of course he will” I replied while staring at his perfect profile. He looked over and smiled at me and placed a sweet simple kiss on my hand. “I can’t wait until we get home, I’ve missed you so much these past few weeks” he said. Now I’m glad I had those drinks in me because I knew what was in store for the rest of the night. I always get so nervous when he comes home. The first few days he can’t keep his hands off me, which is perfectly fine with me. “I can’t get enough of you” he whispers in my ear while he holds me in his arms after we’ve made love for the 3rd time tonight. I know he cares about me but I just want him to tell me where we stand in his eyes. Now that he just finished the warped tour, I’m hoping we can have a serious talk about our relationship and future, but we’ll have that talk later, all I’m worried about right this instant is being with him. I roll over on my side seeing that it’s already 4 am and I haven’t been to sleep yet. The first night he’s home always puts my mind into overdrive and I can’t sleep. So I decide maybe a nice hot bath will relax me enough so I can get a couple of hours of rest. As I walk to the bathroom I hear music thumping, I can tell it’s coming from Shannon’s room. I smile to myself thinking of him and Paige having their own dance party in his room. I would go down and join in on the fun but Jared would probably wonder where i went. He says he doesn’t sleep well when I’m not with him, which is fine with me. There is no other place I’d rather be than in his arms. Plus there will be plenty of time to hear the details of Paige’s time with him. I’m so glad they hit things off, I’ve missed her so much! When she called to tell me she was moving to LA I was super excited. Ever since we were young we always dreamed of coming to LA. We always said we just didn’t fit in our hometown. We always had big city dreams. As I shut the water off and stepped into the bathtub I couldn’t help but think that with my best friend here and my boyfriend home, my life couldn’t get much better than it is right now.