Status: Completed
I've Abandoned Control
Chapter 11
As I sat looking out the window of our living room I realized Jana would be coming home today from New York. My stomach turned at the thought. The entire day I had gone over, in my mind, the explanation I was going to give her about what happened. I had no idea if Jared had already told her. Shannon could’ve called her out of anger. My thoughts were everywhere.
I couldn’t bring myself to call her the other night and tell her what happened over the phone. I knew she was going to be severely hurt and explaining it over the phone would just make things worse. I knew it wasn’t my fault, but I still felt guilty. The last thing I wanted was to come to LA to mess things up with her and Jared.
My heart sped up every time I heard a car pass by thinking it was her. I tried to keep myself busy. I cleaned the apartment and re-cleaned the apartment until it was spotless. I finally did the laundry that I put on hold for the last couple of days. I decided I would watch some TV. I needed to catch up on some of my favorite shows. It was nearing dusk and she still hasn’t arrived. She might stay at Jared’s tonight, I thought to myself. I could just call her but I kept talking myself out of it. So I just turned the stereo on to listen to some music. Suddenly his music filled the room and I immediately burst into tears.
Turning the radio off, I made my way back to the sofa. My mind was in overdrive. He never called me back after he sent me that text message. I wondered what he was doing, but I was putting myself through torture by not calling him back. He obviously wanted to talk to me, but I was too scared to face him right now. I was nervous of how the outcome would be so I avoided it all together. Thinking to myself how crazy I was for putting myself through this, I swallowed my pride and headed towards the door. I was going to go over to the Leto’s to settle things. What else could I lose? Besides my best friend and a guy I was more involved with than I should be.
I was halfway to the house when I saw a girl that looked like Jana sitting on the edge of the road. I stopped in my tracks at the shock of seeing her sitting there. I took a deep breath and started heading towards her when all of a sudden a black SUV stopped and she came around and jumped into the passenger seat. I stood back away from the road so they wouldn’t see me. When they passed by I noticed it was Shannon driving. If my mind wasn’t already going wild seeing that sent me over the edge.
Needing to know what happened I ran to Jared’s house. I banged on the door several times before he answered. He looked at me with red, swollen eyes and breathed out, “She left me.” I made my way past him through the doorway and said, “I know.” Closing the door behind me he asked, “What do you mean you know?” “I just seen her get into the truck with your brother.” His eyes widened with rage as the words left my mouth. “WHAT?! My brother? What in the hell would she be doing with him?” I started pacing around the room trying to make some sense of it all. “I don’t know, did you tell her yet?” He leaned over the counter in the kitchen and softly said, “Yeah, she packed some clothes and walked out, without saying a word.” I almost felt sorry for him, but this was all happening because of him.
“Everything will work out Jared, we just have to give them some time.” I said trying to convince myself of that also. I stayed at his house for about an hour hoping they would pull up any minute, but they never did. So I decided to leave and head back home. As soon as I closed the door behind me my phone lit up. I stopped walking as my heart sunk into my chest when I seen his name flash across the screen. It only rang once and stopped. Confused, fighting with myself if I should try to call him back or not, I looked up to see him leaning on his truck.
I made my way to where he was standing. My nerves earlier didn’t compare to how I was feeling right this second. “What are you doing here, Paige?” he said with his head down. I could feel the tears building up after he spoke. “Not even a hello?” I said wiping my eyes. “Do you even deserve a hello?” he said with a hint of anger in his voice. I knew I didn’t deserve a hello not after I put him through this. “I guess not.” I said softly.
“Jana is at the apartment. I just dropped her off.” he said moving past me heading towards the house. I couldn’t take another day of this torment I was going through. Unconsciously running after him, I grabbed his arm to stop him from moving. “Shannon, just talk to me. I didn’t do anything wrong.” He spun around removing my hand from his body. “You didn’t do anything wrong? You kissed my brother.” he said while inching closer to me as he talked. “That’s unforgivable Paige. How would you feel if the situation was reversed?” He started to speak again when I stood up coming toe-to-toe with him. “You have it all wrong. Shannon, you won’t even listen to me so I can explain what happened. You’re just going by what you saw.” He was shaking his head in disbelief. I couldn’t let him make me feel as guilty than I already did. I needed to mend things with my best friend before I could focus on him. Moving around him, I turned around and said, “I don’t even know why I care if you want to listen to me or not. I really don’t even know you Shannon…” I paused as he looked at me with sadness in his eyes. “but… I can’t help it.” I said making my way to stand in front of him. Not realizing it, I grabbed both sides of the opening to his jacket, holding on tightly. To my surprise he didn’t remove my hands from him. “For some reason I need you to believe that I would never do anything to hurt you. It doesn’t seem like it now, but I’ll prove it to you somehow.” After placing a small kiss on his cheek I headed home once again. As I reached the edge of the driveway I turned around to get a glimpse of the man I cared for but he was nowhere to be seen.
I couldn’t bring myself to call her the other night and tell her what happened over the phone. I knew she was going to be severely hurt and explaining it over the phone would just make things worse. I knew it wasn’t my fault, but I still felt guilty. The last thing I wanted was to come to LA to mess things up with her and Jared.
My heart sped up every time I heard a car pass by thinking it was her. I tried to keep myself busy. I cleaned the apartment and re-cleaned the apartment until it was spotless. I finally did the laundry that I put on hold for the last couple of days. I decided I would watch some TV. I needed to catch up on some of my favorite shows. It was nearing dusk and she still hasn’t arrived. She might stay at Jared’s tonight, I thought to myself. I could just call her but I kept talking myself out of it. So I just turned the stereo on to listen to some music. Suddenly his music filled the room and I immediately burst into tears.
Turning the radio off, I made my way back to the sofa. My mind was in overdrive. He never called me back after he sent me that text message. I wondered what he was doing, but I was putting myself through torture by not calling him back. He obviously wanted to talk to me, but I was too scared to face him right now. I was nervous of how the outcome would be so I avoided it all together. Thinking to myself how crazy I was for putting myself through this, I swallowed my pride and headed towards the door. I was going to go over to the Leto’s to settle things. What else could I lose? Besides my best friend and a guy I was more involved with than I should be.
I was halfway to the house when I saw a girl that looked like Jana sitting on the edge of the road. I stopped in my tracks at the shock of seeing her sitting there. I took a deep breath and started heading towards her when all of a sudden a black SUV stopped and she came around and jumped into the passenger seat. I stood back away from the road so they wouldn’t see me. When they passed by I noticed it was Shannon driving. If my mind wasn’t already going wild seeing that sent me over the edge.
Needing to know what happened I ran to Jared’s house. I banged on the door several times before he answered. He looked at me with red, swollen eyes and breathed out, “She left me.” I made my way past him through the doorway and said, “I know.” Closing the door behind me he asked, “What do you mean you know?” “I just seen her get into the truck with your brother.” His eyes widened with rage as the words left my mouth. “WHAT?! My brother? What in the hell would she be doing with him?” I started pacing around the room trying to make some sense of it all. “I don’t know, did you tell her yet?” He leaned over the counter in the kitchen and softly said, “Yeah, she packed some clothes and walked out, without saying a word.” I almost felt sorry for him, but this was all happening because of him.
“Everything will work out Jared, we just have to give them some time.” I said trying to convince myself of that also. I stayed at his house for about an hour hoping they would pull up any minute, but they never did. So I decided to leave and head back home. As soon as I closed the door behind me my phone lit up. I stopped walking as my heart sunk into my chest when I seen his name flash across the screen. It only rang once and stopped. Confused, fighting with myself if I should try to call him back or not, I looked up to see him leaning on his truck.
I made my way to where he was standing. My nerves earlier didn’t compare to how I was feeling right this second. “What are you doing here, Paige?” he said with his head down. I could feel the tears building up after he spoke. “Not even a hello?” I said wiping my eyes. “Do you even deserve a hello?” he said with a hint of anger in his voice. I knew I didn’t deserve a hello not after I put him through this. “I guess not.” I said softly.
“Jana is at the apartment. I just dropped her off.” he said moving past me heading towards the house. I couldn’t take another day of this torment I was going through. Unconsciously running after him, I grabbed his arm to stop him from moving. “Shannon, just talk to me. I didn’t do anything wrong.” He spun around removing my hand from his body. “You didn’t do anything wrong? You kissed my brother.” he said while inching closer to me as he talked. “That’s unforgivable Paige. How would you feel if the situation was reversed?” He started to speak again when I stood up coming toe-to-toe with him. “You have it all wrong. Shannon, you won’t even listen to me so I can explain what happened. You’re just going by what you saw.” He was shaking his head in disbelief. I couldn’t let him make me feel as guilty than I already did. I needed to mend things with my best friend before I could focus on him. Moving around him, I turned around and said, “I don’t even know why I care if you want to listen to me or not. I really don’t even know you Shannon…” I paused as he looked at me with sadness in his eyes. “but… I can’t help it.” I said making my way to stand in front of him. Not realizing it, I grabbed both sides of the opening to his jacket, holding on tightly. To my surprise he didn’t remove my hands from him. “For some reason I need you to believe that I would never do anything to hurt you. It doesn’t seem like it now, but I’ll prove it to you somehow.” After placing a small kiss on his cheek I headed home once again. As I reached the edge of the driveway I turned around to get a glimpse of the man I cared for but he was nowhere to be seen.