I've Abandoned Control

I heard voices around me, as I slowly lifted my eyes, I seen Constance and Paige sitting in the corner of the room. Sitting up, I noticed I was in a hospital bed. In an instant reaction I felt of my stomach to check on the baby, everything seemed to be okay. They both jumped up and ran over to me, wrapping their arms around me. They both sat at the foot of the bed and Constance explained to me what happened and what the doctor said. The last thing I remembered was falling, after that I must’ve blacked out.

After taking everything in she told me, I asked, “Has anyone told Jared yet?” Paige told me that she called Emma and she said that they were still on stage but she’d tell him to call immediately after the show ended.

“Okay, I want to tell him, no one else.” The doctor wanted me to stay one more night to keep a watch on me, so I agreed, although I wanted to go home desperately. I hated hospitals and everything about them, but since Paige worked here I knew I would get the best care possible.

About an hour had passed since I had woken up when Jared called Paige’s cell. I asked them to give us some privacy, so I waited until they both left the room before I answered.

“Hello.” I said as I situated myself more comfortably in the bed. I dreaded telling him the news, mainly because I knew how he would react.

“Hey babe, Emma just told me to call you. Why am I calling Paige’s phone though and not yours?” He sounded short of breath, so he must’ve just walked off the stage.

I tried my best to hold my emotions in, but hearing his voice sent me over the edge. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I started to explain what happened earlier and what the doctor said.

“Jared I’m in the hospital.” He suddenly started asking me a million questions. “Just listen to me and I’ll tell you what’s going on.” I had to yell over the phone so he’d hear me over his own ranting. He suddenly got quiet.

Taking a deep breath, I started once again. “This morning I had a sharp pain in my stomach while I was at the bluff. I overlooked it because it eased up and I thought it was only because of stress.” I paused waiting on a response but instead I only heard silence. So I continued, “After I got off of the phone with you earlier I stood up to go back in the kitchen with your mom and I felt the pain again but this time I fell and blacked out from it.”

“Jana is the baby okay?” He sounded scared, his voice was shaky. I quickly assured him everything was okay with the baby. “I’m getting on the first flight out of here.” he said. I could hear people asking for his attention but he didn’t even acknowledge anyone was around him. “No you’re not Jared. You need to stay there. You only have a couple of more weeks left and there’s nothing you can do anyways.” I said reluctantly. I wanted him home more than anything but I had to stay strong.

He didn’t like what I had just told him and I could tell it, but what I was fixing to tell him was going to be one of the hardest things I will probably ever have to do.

“Jared, there’s one more thing I need to tell you.” I told him trying to hold back more tears. He didn’t say anything, so I preceded talking.

“The doctor’s told your mom that I have a serious condition, that was already progressing before this happened.” He tried to speak but I immediately cut him off. I couldn’t hear his voice right now or I’d never get it out. “Everything is fine so far with me and the baby, but…. the doctor said if I went full term I ran the risk of hemorrhaging during the birth.”

He remained silent. The only evidence that showed he was still on the phone was that I could hear him breathing. “Jared? Say something.” I said as I wiped away my tears.

Finally speaking, he said, “Well, we know what we need to do then?” I couldn’t believe the words he spoke. “We’ll just have to end this pregnancy.”

I wanted to slap his face. “Jared! What are you talking about?! I’m not ending anything! You are crazy if you think I’m giving this baby up because you’re selfish!”

“NO I’m not crazy! That’s what we are going to do! We are going to fix this before it gets too late!” The intensity in his voice frightened me but I wasn’t about to show him that.

“Give the phone to the doctor! What’s his name?” I cut him off, I wasn’t about to listen to his nonsense. “Listen! You can tell everyone else what to do, but you aren’t going to tell me what to do! Especially with something like this. I’m not ending this pregnancy. You can hate me, I don’t care, but that’s how it’s going to be!” I waited on him to start yelling again but surprisingly he didn’t.

“I just can’t lose you Jana. We can have another baby but there is only one of you and I couldn’t go on knowing a part of me ended your life.” he said softly. His words broke my heart. I explained to him that everything would be alright and nothing would happen to me or the baby, but it seemed my words went in one ear and out the other. Maybe I should convince myself everything would be fine before I tried to convince others of that.

Somehow our call got disconnected, I thought he’d try to call right back but he didn’t.

Constance stayed with me the entire night while Paige went back to the house to get some sleep. I couldn’t sleep the entire night. My thoughts engulfed my mind, what if Jared was right, what if something happened while I was having the baby? I couldn’t think about that though, I had to try to stay positive.

The day came quickly even though I had no sleep. After the doctor stopped by he released me to go home late that afternoon. Constance had arranged for Paige to call Brent to tell him I needed some time to recover. He didn’t seem to have a problem with that, he was extra nice since the incident with Jared getting jealous. After finally making it home, I headed into the house. Grabbing a water from the fridge I told Constance I was going to lay down. Stepping through the doorway I looked up to see him standing at the foot of our bed. I was so happy to see him, but surprisingly anger seemed to rush over me quicker than my excitement.

“I told you there was no need for you to come home.” I said sharply as I made my way over to him. He didn’t say a word, he just wrapped his arms around me. We stood that way for awhile, as irritated as I was he didn’t listen to me, I loved nothing more than feeling his skin against mine.

He pulled back and looked down at me and the words that came out of his mouth made my heart sink. “Well if you’re upset about my being here, you’re really going to hate me now.”

Looking into his eyes, I waited on what he was about to tell me. “I called your parents, they’ll be here in the morning” Without hesitation I reached up and slapped his face, watching his jaw clench, he moved out from in front of me, and made his way towards the door.

Turning around to see what he was doing, he looked over at me and said, “I’m going in here to see my mom, you need to lay down and get some sleep before your parents arrive tomorrow. Goodnight!” Shutting the light off, he closed the door behind him. I was enraged, but I was too tired to show it. Laying down in our bed, it didn’t take me long to fall asleep.