I've Abandoned Control

The evening went surprisingly well with my parents, everything went smooth and was basically perfect. I couldn’t enjoy myself though for the constant reminder that I had to tell them that I could die during the birth of their grandchild.

Constance had excused herself to get ready for bed and Jared was in the shower. Paige stayed at the apartment tonight, she wanted to come visit but she was exhausted from work. I waited until Jared got out of the shower and I met him in our bedroom.

“I think I’m going to tell them now” I said watching him put on some sweats. He still turned me on today just as much as when we first met. I tried to stay focused on building up the courage to tell my parents, but he was making it difficult to do so. I wanted him all the time before I got pregnant, and now it’s just gotten worse.

Pushing the thought of his naked body out of my mind, I started unconsciously pacing around the room. “Babe, it’s going to be hard, but we’ll all get through it. Throw my shirt to me and we’ll go out there together and tell them.” Doing so, he pulled the shirt over his body and grabbed my hand, leading me to the living room.

There my parents sat together on the couch in their pj’s, watching television. They looked happy, for now. Jared sat down in the recliner and he pulled me down to sit on his lap. Taking a deep breath, I spoke up, “Mom, Dad, can we talk for a second?” My dad leaned up and turned the TV off and gave me their full attention. Doubting I could do this, Jared held on tightly to my hand, rubbing the top of it with his thumb, looking back at him he shot me a small smile.

“There’s something I, we, need to tell you” I said, seeing my mom grab on to my dad’s hand, which made it harder for me to tell them what was going on.

“When I had to go to the ER for falling the other day, the doctor came in and told Constance some news about me.” I couldn’t look at them when I was talking, I had to stare at the curtains behind my mom. “And what was that dear” my mom said.

“I have a condition…. that was progressing BEFORE, I fell….” I said as I exaggerated BEFORE like it would help me out in this situation. “The doctor said that if I carry on with the pregnancy I ran the risk of hemorrhaging during the birth of the baby.” Moving my eyes from the curtains to the floor underneath Jared’s feet, I still couldn’t look them in the eyes. I expected to hear immediate yelling, but nothing was said. There was complete silence in the room.

Finally bringing my eyes up to look at my parents, my mom’s face was pale white and my dad had tears in his eyes. They seemed to be in complete shock, which was understandable.

After what seemed like an eternity, my dad excused himself and walked outside. Jared went outside and talked to him, I feared what my dad might do to Jared, but he insisted on going out to see how he was taking it. I went over to comfort my mom on the couch, I felt so sorry for her. I was scared, but I knew she had to be terrified.

Suddenly everything went from complete silence to mayhem. It sounded like someone was going to break the front door down. Running to open the door my dad had Jared by the collar of his shirt. Jared was helpless, he wasn’t going to lay a hand on my dad, but if that had been anyone else he wouldn’t let them get away with that.

“DAD! LET GO OF HIM!” I screamed trying to wedge myself between the two men. I was glad Constance was asleep, fearing what she would do to my dad for treating her son like that. My dad did as I demanded, and Jared flew inside of the house, I knew he had to be mad. I was angry with my dad for lashing out the way he did. My mom just stood in the doorway crying hysterically.

“GET YOUR THINGS TOGETHER DONNA! WE’RE GOING BACK HOME!” my dad yelled as he made his way past my mom into the house. Running after him, he went down to Shannon’s room, where they were going to be staying since Shannon wasn’t home.

“Dad just talk to me about this, tell me how you are feeling. Please don’t go!” I yelled as I followed him. Before I could step into the room to talk to him, he slammed the door in my face and locked it behind him.

Walking past my mom as he sat at the end of the bar in the kitchen I went to check on my boyfriend. Opening the door, I caught Jared pacing the room. I knew he was upset, he didn’t deserve to be treated like that, especially from my dad.

“Babe, just take some deep breaths and try to calm down okay?” I asked as I stood behind him, rubbing his back. He stopped pacing, and did as I asked.

We both sat on the end of the bed and he explained what happened with my dad outside. He told my dad about my decision to go along with the pregnancy and how he didn’t like the idea at first but he soon realized that’s what I wanted so he tried to support my decision. Apparently hearing Jared say that sparked extreme rage in my dad. He explained that my dad grabbed him and said, “How could you do that to my daughter? It’s your fault if something happens to her!” When Jared told me that, I felt a rush of anger fill my body, my dad had no right blaming Jared for anything. Placing a kiss on his cheek, I walked out of our bedroom and headed to find my dad. He was going to listen to me, even if I had to break down Shannon’s door.

I had to bang on the door for at least 5 minutes before he would open it. My mom was still at the end of the bar, frozen. I would deal with her later. Swinging the door open he retreated back to sit on the edge of the bed. After I closed the door behind me I went over to stand directly in front of him. “Dad, what you did to Jared was uncalled for.” He just sat there with his head down, staring at the carpet under his feet.

“You need to apologize. But first WE need to talk.” He remained still. “Talk to me! For someone who had a lot to say earlier, you sure have become silent all of a sudden!” I yelled at him. Shooting his head up to glare into my eyes, I was almost afraid for a moment.

“Jana, I’m sorry for treating Jared that way. I’ll apologize to him.” he whispered, as I seen tears falling from his eyes. I can handle a lot of things in this world, but my dad crying is not one of them. I’ve only seen him cry once my entire life.

“I understand your decision, I do, I don’t like it, but there’s nothing I can do about that. I just don’t know what I’d do if something were to happen to you.” Kneeling down in front of him, I wrapped my arms around his neck. “I know daddy, but you just have to stay positive that everything will be alright.” I said.

“You’re my baby girl, this is supposed to be a celebration, not life or death.” Both looking at the door, Jared and my mom both walked in. Jared stayed behind my mom as they made their way inside the room. If the situation wasn’t so dramatic, I’d think it was kind of funny.

“I know daddy, but just have the outlook on it like I do… What’s going to happen is already planned, we just have to hope for the best.” I said as I wiped his tears away.

He stood up and grabbed my hand to help me get up from the floor, I went over to my mom and gave her a hug and dad made his way to Jared. I watched as he apologized and they shook hands, but my dad quickly pulled Jared into a hug. I felt all of the tension in the room disappear, I liked that feeling.

Making our way back upstairs, Jared got a call on his cell, it was Shannon. He excused himself while we had a cup of tea before we all departed ways to get some sleep. After telling my parents goodnight, I went into the bedroom where Jared had already made himself comfortable in the bed.

After slipping on an over-sized t-shirt I crawled in with him to settle up against his chest. I was so relieved everything was out in the open, but Jared still looked sad.

Placing a kiss on my forehead, “Everything okay babe?” I asked looking into his blue eyes.

After a moment of silence, he looked at me and sadly said, “That was Shannon. I have to go back to finish the tour. I wanted to stay but there’s no way around it, I have to go back.” As I looked over his perfect features, I asked when he would have to leave again.

“Tomorrow morning” he mouthed. I knew he would have to go back at some point, but not this soon. I might’ve been relieved from everything that happened today but the sadness I suddenly felt washed over me all over again.