I've Abandoned Control

She seemed to love being in my arms just as much as I loved having her there. The moments prior that we shared were amazing, although my dinner plans got ruined by the blizzard, that didn’t stop us from having a great time together. She looked amazing, it felt almost like she was punishing me in that skin tight red dress she had on, but I enjoyed every minute of it.

I didn’t want this moment to end, but I had to talk to her, about us, if only for my benefit. We both needed to make a few things clear and there was no better time other than right now to do it while we were alone without any distractions.

“I love you, more than anything in this world, you know that right?” I said as I held her hand tightly in my own.

“Yeah I know that.” she said never taking her eyes off of me. Her intense stare made me nervous and I don’t remember how long it’s been since someone or something has made me feel that way.

“Umm… I know what happened in Bali made you act the way you did. You aren’t that needy person who needs to know everything I do at every moment throughout the day and I’m sorry for making you that way. I hope you have come to forgive me, I was completely stupid for even thinking about jeopardizing our relationship.”

Cutting me off, she said with a raspy voice, “I have forgiven you Jared, when you pulled out of our driveway, you left an uncertainty behind. So I waited day after day for you to call, I wanted to call so many times but you said not to and I didn’t want to seem overbearing, so I waited.”

As I started to talk she quickly interrupted me, “I know I have to be strong to be with you, there are tons of girls and women, who throw themselves at you and I’m not going to lie, it’s very hard to overlook sometimes, but I can get through it because you are a good man and I trust you.”

I could see the tears building in her eyes, her face was flush, and she’s never seemed more vulnerable or more beautiful to me than right at this moment.

“You know, sometimes I find your goodness staggering Jana, I haven’t had a chance to tell you how much I look up to you and admire you in quite sometime now but you need to know that you’re kindness is overwhelming. Ella couldn’t have asked for a better mom, you are amazing with her….” My words trailed off as I noticed tears falling from her red face, but they weren’t sad tears, they were from happiness. “You saved my life.” I said as I wiped away the wetness from her eyes with my thumb.

“I…I what?” she whispered as she held onto her emotions. “You saved my life Jana. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t know where I’d be right now, you came along and gave me a reason to believe in something again. You personally made my dreams a reality.”

As she crashed her lips into mine, I took advantage of every moment of that kiss. In that moment, the memories we had shared together resonated in my mind. When we first met, how on our first date she didn’t treat me any different than anyone else in her life, how she always put our relationship before anything else, her faithfulness, how I about lost her when she was pregnant with Ella, but she came back to me. She was my soul mate and in that moment I have never been more in love with her as I was right then.

We didn’t talk much for the rest of the night, just knowing she was there with me was enough. We watched TV which we never got a chance to do anymore until we fell asleep.

The next morning, I woke up to the smell of her bringing me breakfast…. in bed. I laughed at the thought.

“What’s so funny?” she asked placing the tray in front of me.

“Oh it’s nothing, this just seems ridiculous to me for some reason.” I said trying to contain my laughter.

“Well if you don’t like it, we can go in the kitchen and eat.” she said sarcastically with a smirk on her face.

Of course I didn’t want to go in the kitchen and eat, she knew that, she was trying to push my buttons like she so often did. Placing the tray on the table beside the bed, I pulled her into my lap.

“Jana, will you go on a date with me tonight?” I asked my wife as she looked at me confused.

“Date? You have a show tonight silly, did you forget?” she asked as she moved the strands of hair out of my eyes.

“No, I didn’t forget, I mean after, will you go on a date with me?” I asked once again as I waited on a response.

“Of course I’ll go on a date with you.” After she agreed to a date, I pulled her underneath me and claimed her lips with mine and we completely forgot about breakfast.