I've Abandoned Control

Everything we had been working on in our relationship led to this moment and it was all in my hands. “Please stay with me” Jared said with worry, vulnerability, and a hint of sadness in his eyes. I wanted to stay so terribly bad, but I needed to get back to Ella, I couldn’t just pawn her off to her grandmother while I stayed on the road with him living it up like I didn’t have any responsibilities to my child. He was talking, but I didn’t hear anything he said, for all I knew he could’ve been pleading for his life or giving me an ultimatum. I zoned him out and focused on Shannon and Paige as they flirted with one another so carelessly, it seemed so easy with them, sometimes I thought to myself it might’ve been better if we’d never gotten married, but I knew Jared was who I wanted to be with and there was no denying that. As I brought my attention back to Jared and his ongoing rambling, I looked up at him and gave him the answer that I knew was going to be the best for both of us.

We stood staring at one another, for what seemed like an eternity, until I finally seen the corners of his lips turn up into a huge smile. “Seriously?” he said as he searched my face for uncertainty of my decision to stay with him. Nodding in agreement, he pulled me into his chest and held on so tightly.

“We’re going to miss our plane. We gotta go.” Paige said bringing Jared and I back to reality. Pulling away from one another I explained that I was staying with them for the rest of the tour.

“Well uh, okay then.” Paige said with sadness in her voice. As we hugged one another I looked up at Jared, he knew what I was thinking.

“Paige, why don’t you stay too. I’m sure Shannon would love that.” he asked my best friend, brightening up her attitude immediately. She looked over at Shannon and he nodded in agreement that he wanted her to stay and she ran over to him, wrapping her arms around him.

Looking back over at me, Jared shot me a small smile. “I am going to call your mother to see if she will fly out with Ella. I can’t leave her there with your mom for 3 weeks ya know.” I said to Jared as I pulled my phone out of my coat pocket.

“Okay, I’m going to go ahead and put the luggage back in the car.” he said before placing a kiss on my forehead and they all made their way out of the airport.

I was on the phone with Constance for probably about 3 minutes total. I asked her would she come to Albuquerque tomorrow with Ella because I decided to stay with Jared on the road, she immediately refused. She demanded that I stay with him and work on getting our relationship back to the way it was before all of the nonsense started and not to worry about Ella, she would take care of her. I did not like that idea at all, I begged her to fly out, but she would not back down. Before I knew it, she hung up on me, and Jared was walking towards me in the airport.

“Jared, I made a mistake, I have to go back home.” I said as tears filled my eyes.

“Why?” he said as he studied the worry written on my face.

I explained to him what was wrong and he immediately got on his cell and called Constance. I watched him as he paced back and forth, every time he would try to speak, it seemed like she would cut him off, he didn’t raise his voice to her not once though. Before I knew it, he sat down beside me on the bench in the busy airport and put his arm around me as I laid my head on his shoulder.

“What did she say to you?” I asked the silent man beside me. He said she told him the exact same thing as she told me, to go on about our business and not worry about them, they would be fine. We both did not like the idea of not seeing Ella for a couple of more weeks, but we wanted to be together.

Constance was a gentle soul, but when she demanded something you didn’t question her, I knew now where Jared got it from.

“What do you want to do Jana?” he asked softly.

I knew what I wanted to do and I knew what I NEEDED to do and I trusted Constance with Ella, it’s just I didn’t know if I could be away from her that long.

“Look, I’ll make you a deal…” Jared said as he removed his arm from me and forced himself to look into my watery eyes.

“You stay with me, you know the baby will be fine with mom, and if at ANY moment you decide you can’t be away from her anymore, just say the word and I’ll get you back to our little girl, deal?” he said. With those words I knew why I had fallen so in love with him, he was so caring and understanding with me, and his looks didn’t hurt.

“Okay” I said agreeing with his plea for me to not change my mind. Grabbing my hand, Jared led me out of the busy airport to start our mini adventure together.