My Paper Heart

The light woke him up this time. That and Jace’s movement underneath the covers.

“When’s the last time you got laid?” Jace asked. Rory’s eye twitched slightly at the bluntness, but hey, that was Jace for you. Never one to beat around the bush, Jace always said what was on his mind, right when it got there.

“Um, last night,” Rory said. “Obviously,” was the unspoken word. Jace sighed heavily in exasperation.

“That’s not what I meant, idiot. Before last night. When?”

Rory was prepared to tell him that there was no need to ask such stupid and useless questions, but then he started wondering.

When was the last time he’d gotten laid?

Was it really so long ago that he couldn’t remember?

No matter what the case was, it’d been long enough that sitting up hurt.

Rory sighed and turned toward Jace. “None of your business. Why do you wanna know?”

Jace shrugged, further infuriating Rory.

“You were kinda clumsy, is all.”

Of all things to say in the morning, Jace had to pick this one. He could have told Rory that he was nice, or that he made cute noises, or even that he gave okayish head, but this? This was inexcusable.

“Do you always evaluate everyone you sleep with the morning after?” Rory asked. He meant to sound threatening and sarcastic, but instead he ended up sounding curious.

“Not the girls or the cute little boys. It makes them cry.”

Rory turned to glare at Jace, but recieved a look that had always made his heart thump in his chest. All things forgotten, Rory turned around fully to face Jace.

“So what are we now?” Rory asked. A small part of him knew the answer: still roommates. But the vast majority of Rory wanted, yearned to hear that one word that would make him complete,
“Together.”

But it never came.

Jace shrugged and reached over Rory to get to the pack of cigarettes on the night table.

“Eh... Fuckbuddies? I dunno. What do you wanna be?”

Rory could have just agreed with Jace and left it at that.

But before he even thought about it, the words just slipped out of his mouth.

“Well it would be nice if we could be like, together or something, you know?”

Jace turned to look at Rory, questioning him silently. Rory closed his mouth and swallowed hard.

Such looks from Jace were never good.

“Did I just fuck something up?”

Jace sat up and stared down at Rory. “How deep does this thing go with you? I mean, really.”
Rory swallowed hard again. To tell Jace or not? That was the question of the day, folks. And answers to such questions are hard to come up with on short notice.

“Ah, really deep,” Rory squeaked. He swallowed hard again and fought the urge to burst out in tears in front of Jace. Inside, Rory was yelling at himself to stay strong and stop being such a fuckin’ girl. It’s what Jace would want.

But more than anything, Rory didn’t want what Jace wanted. For once in his miserable existence, he didn’t want to stay strong. Staying strong was for the weak.

Instead of saying something mean, or demeaning, or even heartbreaking to Rory, Jace just sighed and shook his head. Rory couldn’t be helped. It wasn’t some mere crush, that was obvious by now.

It was obvious all along.

But that wasn’t the point.

Jace gave Rory a sad look as if to say, “I’m sorry, man. I really am.”

And Rory knew. He could tell for a fact that Jace wasn’t exactly falling for him.

In short, Jace was rejecting him again.

But mentally this time.

“Ah, Rory, look, I’m sorry. Uh, please don’t be all sad and stuff. I just thought that I could make it better if--”

“Get out.”

Jace paused for a moment. Rory sat up and turned to look at him, all emotion gone from his face.

“Get out of my bedroom. Now.”

Jace furrowed his brows at Rory. “But dude, you just--”

Rory shook his head, feeling the lump in his throat and the stinging in his eyes get worse and worse. “Jace, just get the fuck out of my bedroom,” he said. Jace sighed and got out of Rory’s bed, giving him another sad look.

Rory flicked his wrist toward the door once. No need for more, that would probably hurt Jace’s feelings, if he had any.

Jace sighed and collected his clothes from the floor, making as little noise as possible. It wasn’t likely, but Rory could get angry and decide to beat the shit out of him.

Jace went to the door and hesitated for the chance that Rory would stop him from going, but it didn’t come. He slipped quietly out the door and pulled it shut behind himself, closing his eyes and
leaning his back against it.

The only thing that puzzled him now was how Rory could be so bi-polar. He’s gotten what he wanted, sleeping with Jace. And now Rory was just getting greedy. Jace was positive that he didn’t want or need a relationship anytime soon.

But something about Rory unsettled him.

It wasn’t exactly the drawings, or the confession of love that went unrequited, but something else.

In the back of his mind, Jace knew.

It was the way that Rory’s eyes glazed over not even a minute in, the way that his moans were more... sincere.

Not that Jace had faked it or anything, but Rory just sounded cute.

Cuter than Jace had, anyway.

Jace was full of primal, animalistic grunts that--

He shook his head to clear it of thoughts. Especially thoughts about the night before. For the most part, it worked.

But he couldn’t shake the part where Rory had pleaded for more and even had initiated it himself.
Usually it took Jace ignoring the soft no’s and giggles and light pushes that never really meant no.

Since when had that happened to Jace? Not in a long time, he had to say.

But he had to give Rory props. Kid had stamina. Lots of it.

The door behind Jace opened slowly, making him lose his balance momentarily. Rory sighed and shook his head.

“Were you seriously listening to me talk to myself?” he asked. Jace shook his head no, even though he knew Rory wouldn’t ever believe him. When it came to Rory’s little quirks, nothing could staunch the paranoia that plagued Rory’s mind every moment of every day. “Well could you move out of the way so I can go take a shower?”

This was the moment, Jace could passively move out of the way for Rory or he could aggressively stand his ground and talk things out.

Neither were his schtick.

“Could we just um, like maybe...”

“No, Jace. We may not. Would you please move for me?”

The choice had been made for him: passively move out of the way. Suddenly Rory had become the “man” of the house and now Jace was his whimpering little slave.

Que Charlie Sheen’s whip noise.

Jace stepped to the side for Rory and decided for himself never to touch those feelings-- or those parts of Rory’s -- ever again.

No matter how soft Rory’s skin was.