When Doves Cry

How It All Started

~~Oh beneath all of the craziness and the laughter We were wondering if tomorrow If we could make this real~~
"Roxi, get up." My brother Adrian was standing at the foot of my bed, tugging at my blankets. "Come on, we'll be late if you don't hurry. We can't miss the train."
Those words were all it took for me to sit straight up and beam at my twin. "We start Hogwarts today!"
"But we'll miss it if you don't get ready," he said again, trying to make me move faster. Thankfully, once I actually woke up, I was a morning person.
"Okay, okay. I'm up." It didn't take long for me to get ready. After all, I was only eleven. I didn't understand yet how important make up and hair care products would become to me. In less than fifteen minutes, I was dressed, packed, and ready to leave for King's Cross Station.
"Excuse me, is this compartment full?" Adrian and I looked up to see a boy our age with light brown hair and soft brown, almost goldish, eyes standing in the doorway of our compartment. He didn't quite make eye contact with us, but he also didn't quite seem to be cowering either. It was more like he was assessing us before he got much closer.
"No," I said with a polite smile. "You can sit here. I'm Roxi, by the way. And this is my brother Adrian. We're twins, you know. Although some people say we can't be cause our eyes are different colors. That's rubbish, of course."
"She talks too much," Adrian said to the boy before falling silent again.
"I'm Remus Lupin."
Adrian, Remus, and I were sitting in a boat floating across a huge lake towards the most beautiful castle I'd ever seen. It was as we were getting closer to Hogwarts that I started to get apprehensive.
"Adri," I whispered.
"What if we're placed in different houses? Will we still be best friends as well as twins?"
"We won't get placed in different houses," he said confidently. "We'll both probably be Slytherin like Mum and Dad."
A thought in the back of my head began to nag at me but I ignored it. "But what if we're not?"
Adrian looked me full in the face, seeing the concern written all over it. "Then we'll still be just as close as ever. Even if you get put into one of the worse houses. You're my twin, and that bond can't be broken by anything."
All of us first year students lined up as Professor McGonagall instructed, nervously awaiting our sorting. Since my last name was Dove, I didn't have to wait very long. The names seemed to be moving by very quickly.
"Cane, Amelie!"
"Carson, Gabriel!"
The names flew by. Before I knew it, McGonagall had reached the Ds.
"Dove, Adrian!" I gave his hand a quick squeeze as he walked by, smiling encouragingly at him.
"Slytherin!" the hat yelled almost immediately. Adrian smiled and walked over to the cheering Slytherin table, looking very pleased with the outcome.
"Dove, Roxanne!"
I took a deep breath and walked to the stool, sitting down so the hat could be placed on my head.
"Ah," it said. "You."
"Hmm... Locked them away, have you? That's all right. I still know where to put you. Gryffindor!"
I had no idea what the hat had been talking about, but I chose not to question it. Instead, I walked over to the cheering table of Gryffindors, casting a furtive look at Adrian across the Great Hall. He looked disappointed, but he still smiled at me and waved all the same. I sat down at the first available spot without paying much attention to who was next to me. It was when I looked over that I realized I knew the boy sitting to my left.
"Dove?" he hissed. "How did you manage to trick the hat into letting you join this house?"
"I should ask you the same thing, Black," I answered coolly.
"I am nothing like you or our evil families. I actually have a heart."
"What good is your heart when your name reveals the true state of it? Black as death."
"At least I'm not named after a chicken."
"Even you can't be stupid enough not to know what a dove is. Actually, I take that back. You certainly are that stupid. And also, you're named after a mutt. So don't go trying to insult my name, Fluffy." I turned away from him, ignoring whatever comeback he came up with. Curse the Sorting Hat for putting me in the same house as Sirius Black, the boy who hated me and who I hated in return.

Over the course of my first year at Hogwarts, I had become close friends with Lily Evans. I still maintained a close relationship with my brother, but it was nice to have a friend in my own house. Thanks to both Lily and Adrian, I had also become friends with a boy named Severus Snape. He seemed troubled and sad much of the time, which gave me the almost irresistible urge to wrap him in my arms and tell him everything would be okay. I didn't, of course. He'd have killed me if I tried. But still, we grew rather during that first year.
The boy I had met on the train my very first day, Remus Lupin, became friends with Sirius Black, James Potter, and Peter Pettigrew. I would have ignored him completely, but there was something about him that wouldn't let me. Some deep pain that I could read in his soul. So I paid close attention to him, wondering what could cause such a young boy so much pain.
It was through my speculations that I began to notice a pattern with Remus. Every month, he would make up some excuse about having to leave school for a few days. When he returned, he always looked worn and very tired. Sometimes, he even had injuries on his body. And when he disappeared each month, his friends always seemed more concerned. When he would come back after a few days, they treated him differently. They were less joking and playful ,and more caring. It wasn't long before I pieced together the clues and come up with a solution.
"Lupin," I said one day as everyone was leaving the common room to go to breakfast. He and his friends all stopped and looked at me. Black, of course, was giving me a very hostile look. "I want to talk to you about something, if you don't mind being a bit late for breakfast."
"Um... Sure," he said. Everyone else had left, and it was now just me and the four of them.
"You three can go on without him."
"If you think we're going to leave him alone--"
"You can survive ten minutes without your boyfriend around, Black. I promise not to hurt him while you're away," I snapped.
"It's okay, guys," Remus said. "I'll see you in the Great Hall."
James, Sirius, and Peter grudgingly left Remus alone with me. I waited until I was absolutely certain that we were alone before talking.
"Sorry about calling you Black's boyfriend, by the way. I knew it would make him leave so he wouldn't actually seem like a poof."
"It's fine," he said, looking at me with guarded eyes. He was trying to decipher the meaning behind my wanting to talk to him, debating over whether it was a bad thing or not.
"So," I began, "how's your aunt?"
"My aunt?"
"Yeah. You left school for a few days last month because she was sick, right? Is she all right?"
"Oh. Um, yeah, she seems to be getting a bit better. But we're still concerned about her."
"I hope she's not contagious. When you got back from visiting her, you seemed a little worse for wear yourself."
"Oh just stress. You know, worrying about my sick aunt and all." He was gazing at me in a suspicious way while slowly moving towards the door.
"Stress, huh? I never knew stress could cause deep scratches on a person's collar bone."
He frowned and tugged the collar of his shirt higher, hiding the deep scratch that was still there. "What is this about, Roxanne?"
"Remus Lupin, you're a werewolf, and don't you deny it!"
He seemed frozen to the spot, his hand still gripping the collar of his shirt. Without warning, I leaped at him, arms extended. His eyes widened with shock and he brought his arms up to fight me off, but it was too late. I wrapped him in the tightest hug ever, squeezing with all my twelve-year-old might.
"Don't you ever let anyone put you down for what happened to you! If I ever see someone attacking you because of your curse, I will hex their hair into fire! I'll find a way."
"Wait... What?"
"What did you think I was gonna do, hurt you?" I finally let go of him, stepping back a bit.
"Well, you did sort of lunge at me."
"Right, sorry about that. I got a little emotional."
Remus smiled at me, truly smiled, for the first time. It was the beginning of a very deep friendship. When he told the others what had happened, they all accepted me into their group of friendship. Even Sirius seemed pleased with me. At the very least, he didn't tell me I was too much of a pureblood snob to hang out with them. I decided to accept what I could and not push things.

"Don't worry, Rem," James was saying to Remus. "We'll figure out this animagus stuff sooner or later. Then you won't be so alone during your transformations."
We were all lounging by the Black Lake on a very lazy day off. Remus, of course, was doing the homework we had been assigned yesterday. James and Sirius were trying to work out how we could all become animagi, Peter was eyeballing a couple of fourth year Ravenclaws, and I was simply enjoying being in the company of my friends. The Marauders, as we called ourselves, never had a dull moment. Even when we were just lounging outside in the sun, we were planning something devious.
"I'm not worried," Remus answered without looking up from his parchment. "I still don't think it's a very good idea. You wouldn't just be breaking school rules, you'd be breaking the law. Unregistered animagi aren't allowed. We could all be sent to Azkaban for it."
"Poppycock. They can't condemn us if they don't know we're doing something bad," I said. Sirius and James grinned at me and nodded.
Deciding Remus had spent enough time on that boring essay, I leaned over and pulled it away from him. "You'll get this back unharmed later. Right now, you need to have a little fun. Relax a bit. It is the weekend, after all."
He sighed and put his quill and books away. "All right, Roxi." If Remus didn't have us, I swear he never would have stopped working.
Thoughts had been nagging in the back of my mind for years now. Dim memories of childhood games kept surfacing, teasing me with a deeper meaning. It was as I was thinking about Remus's curse that I realized what I was trying to remember. It was the very reason I had felt so connected to Remus second year when I realized he was a werewolf, and part of why I was so fiercely protective of him.
"Remus, I need to tell you something. You shared your curse with me, now I'll share mine with you. I had repressing the memories up until now, but I can't hold them back anymore. And I need to tell someone or I'll go insane keeping all this to myself."
"Whatever it is, of course you can tell me."
"Let me start at this beginning before I go way back. When Adrian and I were younger, I had this game that I created where I would pretend to have lived many lives. Sometimes I impersonate one of my past beings, or I would entertain Adrian with tales from my previous lives. It was all make believe, of course, but it was fun. Only, I realize now that it wasn't as fake as I had tried to convince myself it was."
I took a deep breath and told him my story. How, nearly a thousand years ago, I had been a girl named Cassandra who had been married to Salazar Slytherin, and how I betrayed him by falling in love with Godric Gryffindor. Then I told him how Slytherin had gotten his revenge by killing Godric and cursing me to reincarnate into new lives for all eternity, always dying young.
When I finished my tale, Remus stared at me with his mouth hanging slightly open. "Well... I suddenly don't feel as bad about my curse. At least I only have to deal with it once a month. So you had been repressing the memories of what really happened?"
"Wouldn't you try to forget a curse that dark if you could? I'll die before I reach twenty-five."

I boarded the Hogwarts Express quickly, finding a compartment where I and the other Marauders could all sit. I was wearing a baggie hoodie over my clothing despite the warm weather. As I was putting up my trunk, Remus saw me and came in. He helped me with my trunk and then put his own up. We sat down and began chatting about our summer holidays, and while we were talking, James and Sirius came in. Sirius's hair was longer than usual, which meant things at home had not been good for him. Still, he seemed to be in a chipper mood.
"Hey, Roxi, Rem. How were your summers?"
"Fine," we answered together.
"Roxi, why are you wearing a hoodie?" James asked, staring at it with a frown. "It's still hot out."
"I just, uh, felt like wearing it."
"Aren't you burning up in there?" Sirius asked.
"I'm fine, really. Let's just drop it. Oh, Peter! How was your summer?"
Peter had come in while we were all talking. "Pretty good. Not much of interest happened. Did any of you do anything fun?"
"I practiced my Quidditch skills," James said.
"I made my mum wish I'd never been born," Sirius said cheerfully.
"I ate a whole goat," Remus muttered.
"Roxi, why are you wearing that hoodie? It's not cold out," Peter said, finally noticing my attire.
I sighed deeply. "All right, fine. Over the summer, I happened to hit a growth spurt. I'm using this to help me hide it."
"Really?" James asked. "You don't look much taller. Maybe an inch or two."
"Yeah, and how's a hoodie supposed to make you look shorter? And anyway, why would you want to? There's nothing wrong with having height," Sirius was saying.
Peter, too, seemed confused. Remus, however, seemed to be blushing slightly.
"Remus, I think you're the only one who understand what kind of growth I meant."
"Apparently," he said.
"What? What kind of growth did you mean?" James asked.
"What's under the hoodie?" Sirius demanded.
"Ugh, fine," I said. I sighed again and pulled the hoodie off. James and Sirius immediately went silent, gawking at me with open mouths and dazed eyes. Peter's eyes went very wide and he stared at the ceiling, trying desperately not to glance at me. "There, now you know. So will you two prats stop staring so much? It's creeping me out." At the end of our third year, I had been rather flat-chested, but over the summer, the Boob Fairy decided to pay me a visit. But apparently she tripped on her way out and spilled Boob Dust on me, because my boobs had grown a good two cup sizes in only three months. I had gone from a barely-noticeable-B to a damn-girl!-D. And James and Sirius deeply appreciated the work of the infamous Boob Fairy.
"We got it!" Finally, after a lot of research, practice, and awkward semi-transformations, Sirius, James, Peter, and I had all been able to transform into animals. This would make full moons for Remus much easier to bear.
"You got it?" Remus asked, clearly shocked. "You actually did it? You all completely did it, no human parts left over or anything?"
"Nope," I answered happily. "We all managed to do it. Want to know what our animals are?"
"I'm a stag," James said eagerly without waiting to see if Remus actually did want to know.
"I'm a dog," Sirius said, grinning.
"I'm a rat," Peter mumbled, looking a bit glum.
"I'm a lion," I said with pride.
"We need code names," Sirius decided after our first night out with werewolf Remus. "So we can talk about what goes on during our adventures without giving too much away."
"What kind of code names?" Remus asked warily, probably afraid Sirius would come up with something inappropriate.
"They could correspond to our animals," I suggested.
Sirius looked at me and grinned. "Excellent. Rem, you can be Wolfy."
"Not a chance."
"Petal Princess?"
"Don't make me hex you."
"Hmm...... All right, what about Moony?"
"Moony?" He thought it over and nodded. "Better than your other suggestions."
"Moony it is! Now for James."
"I already have one," James interrupted. "I was thinking Prongs. Since my stag has a rack almost as amazing as Roxi's." He winked at me, and I punched him in the arm. "Ouch! Sorry, I was only kidding. My stag's rack is clearly better."
I rolled my eyes. "All right, now for Peter. What have you got, Sirius?"
"Mousy... Ratty... Twitchy... Taily... Rodent... Weirdtail... Wait, that's it! What about Wormtail, Pete?"
"Wormtail?" He seemed uncertain, but the look of delight on Sirius's face was too much for him to reject, so he nodded. "Okay, I guess. What about you?"
"Me? I'm Mr. Sexy, of course."
"Sexy doesn't even describe you as a human, let alone a dog."
"That hurt, Roxi. That really hurt."
I thought about Sirius's paws when he was a dog and smiled. "What about Padfoot?"
"Padfoot? Yeah, I like it. I am Padfoot, hear me growl!"
"Okay, now what's mine?"
"Fangs," Remus said.
"Fangs," Sirius repeated.
"Fangs," Peter agreed.
"Boob Queen," James suggested, earning him another hit from me.
"Why Fangs?"
"Because you bite physically when you're a lion and verbally when you're a demon-- I mean girl," Sirius answered.
"Hmm. Okay, Fangs it is."