When Doves Cry

Heart of a Girl

~~Deep in the night, I feel the presence Of something that was long ago told to me~~
There is a girl with long brown hair standing beneath the moonlight. She is in a clearing surrounded by trees, her gaze turning to the shadows, searching. Suddenly, a smile breaks out on her face as she finds what she was looking for. Him. Her lover. She knows what they are doing is wrong, is evil in its own sense. But she can't seem to stay away.
"Godric," she says, the name a sigh of joy on her lips. He steps closer and wraps her in his arms, his bright hair glowing in the moonlight.
"Cassandra," he murmurs, holding her close. Not much else is said by them. They do not need words. They understand their love for one another. It's like a physical thing that binds them to each other. While they are together, they pretend that their love is not forbidden or wrong.
Cassandra, however, is married. To a man who considers Godric to be one of his only friends, and also one of his greatest rivals. If he knew what they were doing here under the moonlight, he would surely strike them down in a fit of rage. The only reason he hasn't figured it out is because Cassandra is a very clever witch. She makes him an herbal drink each night, infusing it with a powerful sleeping potion so he remains unaware when she sneaks out to meet Godric. Salazar sleeps in his bed, ignorant to the fact that Cassandra is sleeping with another.
"I love you, Cassandra," Godric whispers to her after they have finished. They are laying on the ground, his cloak the only thing covering their naked bodies.
"I love you as well," Cassandra whispers back, smiling at him. Slowly, her smile begins to fade. "We have to tell him," she says with a sad sigh. "He doesn't deserve this kind of betrayal."
"You're right," Godric agrees. "We will tell him in the morning."
"There will be no need for that," a voice says from the shadows. Godric and Cassandra sit up in shock, clutching the cloak to their bodies to try and hide their indecency. "I can see for myself what's going on."
"Salazar," Cassandra gasps out. "What are you doing here?"
"Why am I awake, you mean? I began to notice a distinctive smell to the tea you make for me. Coupled with the fact that I remain unconscious for hours after drinking it, it wasn't hard to figure out that you had been slipping me a sleeping potion. So I only pretended to drink it tonight, determined to find out why my darling wife was sneaking around behind my back. And now I know the truth."
"I'm so sorry," Cassandra said, feeling like a monster. "We never meant to betray you. We just..."
"You fell in love," Salazar concluded. Cassandra could only nod. "Do not fret, my dear. I'm not angry."
"You're not?" Godric asked, shocked. "Why not?"
"My marriage to Cassandra was an arrangement, nothing more. If you two have found love, a deal of convenience hardly seems reason enough to separate you. Truly, I wish you both endless happiness for the rest of your lives." For a moment, Cassandra thought she saw something dark flash in Salazar's eyes. But then it was gone, and she decided it must have been a cloud passing over the moon. Salazar looked right at Cassandra then. "May you love him for all of eternity, my dear," he said to her.

I jolted awake from the dream, sitting up in my bed. I was breathing heavily and there was sweat on my brow. Dreams about the first life always seemed so dark. Which I guess is what they were. Adultery, revenge, death, and curses? Pretty dark stuff. They always left my heart racing, making me feel like I had just been running for a long time. Once my breathing and heart rate got back to normal, I laid back down and closed my eyes. A few minutes later, I sighed and got out of bed, knowing sleep wouldn't be returning to me any time soon.
Moving as silently as I could, I went to the boys' room to borrow the Map and Cloak. Sirius stirred for a moment, making me think I'd woken him up, but then he just rolled over and slept didn't move anymore. I put the Cloak around my shoulders and left, using my wand to inspect the Map. Everyone was asleep at this late hour. Not even Mrs. Norris was out making rounds.
Not knowing where else to go, I headed up to the Astronomy Tower. It was one of my favorite places in all of Hogwarts because the view was amazing. I set the Cloak and Map aside and walked to the edge of the tower, gazing out across the grounds while the wind tossed my hair back. It was so peaceful.
"Do you even know what time it is?" a sleepy voice behind me said. I turned around to see Sirius standing there in only his pajama pants, frowning at me. I peered closer, noticing something odd about his hair and pants. Was he wet?
"Sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to wake you when I came in earlier."
"You didn't," he said with a yawn, moving over to stand beside me. "You woke Remus. He woke me and told me to follow you. I tried to ignore him, but he Aguamentied me."
"Oh, that explains the water," I said. He nodded, looking very tired. "Sirius, go back to bed. I'm fine on my own."
"Can't go back to bed," he mumbled. "Remus is probably still awake. Plus my bed is still wet."
I chuckled lightly. "Sorry. Moony likes to look out for me."
He nodded. "I know. It's fine, I'm glad that he does. So what are you doing up, anyways?"
"I had a bad dream," I answered, gazing out at the grounds again. "Couldn't get back to sleep afterwards."
"What was it about?" he asked, sounding like he actually cared and wasn't just asking out of necessity.
"Losing loved ones," I said after a few moments of silence. "Not being able to save the people I care about from..."
"From?" he prompted, looking at me.
From me, I thought. "From the dark threat everyone's so worried about," I answered. "That Voldemort guy seems like a big deal. I don't want him to hurt any of you."
"Roxi, I doubt he's gonna come to Hogwarts, pick out a few Gryffindors, and off us," Sirius said reasonably.
"No, but what about when we graduate? He's a real threat. You're all thinking of becoming Aurors to fight him, aren't you?"
Sirius sighed. "We haven't really discussed it or anything. Peter doesn't seem too keen on the idea. Remus doesn't think he'll be allowed to."
"And you and James? You've both considered it, haven't you?"
"Yeah, we have," he admitted. "But so have you," he countered. "Don't tell me you haven't, because I know you."
"You're right, I have," I answered. "But I still worry about the rest of you."
Sirius chuckled. "You're such a mother hen, do you know that?"
I smiled. "I know," I said, turning away so he wouldn't see the sorrow in my eyes. I so desperately wanted to be a mother. It was one of the joys in life that I would never get to experience.
I had been pregnant only twice in all my lives. Once was a few lifetimes ago, and the baby's father had murdered me. The second time was much longer ago. The baby within me had only recently begun to stir and alert me to its presence when I had been cursed. I hadn't even told Godric yet that I was carrying his child. Sometimes, when I was in that place halfway between sleeping and waking, I could feel the ghost of my child stirring within me. It was like the echo of a heartbeat, impossibly faint but still there. I knew it was probably just my subconscious remembering what it had felt like to be pregnant, but it still broke my heart every time I felt it. Like staring at a person you love but knowing you can never be with them. That bittersweet pain that fills your heart and soul and makes you want to weep at the same time that you feel like smiling.
"You okay?" Sirius asked, bringing me out of my thoughts.
"Yeah," I said, turning back to him with a smile. If he noticed it was fake, he didn't say anything.
"Wanna sleep in my bed tonight so you won't have to be alone?" he offered.
"That sounds good," I agreed.
We put the Cloak on and grabbed the Map, walking back to the Gryffindor common room silently. When we got to the boys' dorm, we crawled into his bed and lay facing each other. It didn't take long for him to drift off again, and I was soon to follow. That time, I dreamt I had a child, holding the precious baby against my heart while Godric stood behind me and smiled at the two of us. A dream of what could have been, if only fate weren't so cruel.