When Doves Cry

~~But I still wake up I still see your ghost Oh Lord I'm still not sure what I stand for~~
James and Sirius made it out of the hospital wing in a few days, perfectly restored to their normal selves. They told wild stories about why they had to spend time in the hospital wing, ranging from being attacked by a blood thirsty vampire to battling a dragon. Fan girls suddenly surrounded them at every turn, wanting to hear tales of their bravery. I wondered how those girls could be so stupid. Clearly they were lying, since they hadn't left Hogwarts, and there had been no vampires or dragons sighted around the school.
Still, the two were eating up the attention. James, of course, tried to use this as an opportunity to get Lily's attention. She, of course, continued to think he was a jerk (which he was). Sirius was using the added attention to hook up with more girls. I had seen him snog a Hufflepuff, two Ravenclaws, and about five Gryffindors before we even made it to lunch. Remus, Peter, and I simply sat back, rolled our eyes, and let them have their fun.
"Roxi," Sirius said to me when we made it to dinner. "I have to thank you. If you hadn't hexed me, my day would have been so much worse than it's been. I've been having a great day."
"Would you like me to do it again?" I asked, smirking at him.
"No, that's okay," he said, his eyes suddenly very wide.
I laughed. "Too bad. It would've been hilarious."
"Your sense of humor is alarming."
"Oh, I don't know," Remus said, smiling. "I think seeing tentacles grow out of your skin and wiggle around would be pretty funny too. I'd certainly laugh."
"Don't encourage her!" Sirius gasped, casting a nervous glance my way. "You've no idea the things she's capable of."
"That's because I'm not insufferable," Remus responded.
Sirius looked suddenly offended. "Are you saying I'm insufferable?"
"Yes," Remus and I said at the same time.
"I'm hurt." He had an overly dramatic expression on his face.
"You'll survive," I answered.
"Maybe I won't. Maybe I'm so hurt by how rude you two are, I'm going to pitch myself off the Astronomy Tower."
"About bloody time," Remus muttered just loud enough for Sirius to hear.
Sirius looked at him with the most offended expression on his face. "James! Come on, we're leaving. Moony hates me, so I have to kill myself now."
James nodded. "It was bound to happen eventually."
Sirius stood up, giving me and Remus mock glares. "Well, this is goodbye. I hope you'll both be sorry when I'm gone."
James grabbed some food and followed Sirius out of the Great Hall.
"Just to be safe, what is the actual likelihood of Sirius committing suicide for attention?" Remus asked.
"Slim to none. He loves himself far too much to die."
"Good point."
We went back to eating like nothing had happened, because really this wasn't out of the ordinary. Sirius would act dramatic to entertain himself, and then he would get bored with his current plan and move on to something else. Usually a girl.
When we finished eating, Remus headed to the library and I headed up to the Gryffindor common room to check on James and Sirius. Just as I had expected, Sirius had gotten over his dramatic suicide threat and was trying to bewitch James's hair into different colors. So far, it had turned a shade or two bluer, but it wasn't very noticeable.
"Want some help?" I asked, sitting down beside him and watching as James's hair got a bit lighter.
"I think I've got it. Amazing that he hasn't noticed yet."
"What exactly is he doing?"
James was bent over a piece of parchment, his faced scrunched in concentration, occasionally writing things down before going back to thinking.
"Writing a letter to Evans. He's trying to make it seem heartfelt but uncaring at the same time."
"Has he ever considered just talking to her about things that she likes, instead of boasting about himself?"
Sirius scoffed. "Fangs, this is Prongs we're talking about. I doubt he'll ever consider that."
"Poor Prongs... He'll never get her at this rate."
Sirius gave a cry of triumph when James's hair turned a sudden violent shade of fuchsia. James looked up in interest, momentarily distracted from his letter.
"What's happened?" he asked.
"Er..." Sirius said, trying to come up with a plausible excuse so James wouldn't notice that his hair was a vibrant combination between pink and purple.
"Sirius won a bet," I answered quickly.
"What bet?" James asked, looking more interested. Bets were always great ways to amuse him and Sirius.
"I bet Fangs that if I could guess the color of her bra, she'd have to show it to us. And I did. It's white with pink silk trimming." He had the most devious gin on his face I'd ever seen.
I gaped at him. "How the hell were you able to guess that?" I was, oddly, wearing that exact bra.
He smirked at me. "I have a gift."
James laughed. "Sorry, Roxi, but you lost the bet. Which means you have to show us your bra."
"Fine," I said. I pulled my arms into my shirt, wiggling around for a bit while I reached for the hooks in my bra. Then, I pulled the bra out through my shirt's sleeve hole and made sure my shirt was once again on properly. "Here it is."
"No fair," Sirius said. "You were supposed to keep it on when you showed it to us."
"That wasn't part of the bet. You said you had to see it, not that I'd have to wear it when I showed it to you."
"You're too clever for my good," Sirius said with a sad sigh.
"Well, mate, at least we got to see it," James said, shaking his head.
"Can I hold it?" Sirius asked.
"Not a chance," I responded, clutching my bra tightly. "So, James, what are you working on over there?"
"This? Oh, er..." He turned a bit pink in the cheeks, scratching his brightly colored hair. "It's nothing. Just a plan I had." He crumpled up the paper, tossing it in the fire. "It wasn't very good."
"I see..." Sirius and I fought back giggles, both because we knew it had been a love letter to Lily
and because he looked so ridiculous with his hair.
"You think I should tell him?" Sirius whispered to me.
"Nah. Let's see how long it takes him to notice."
Soon after we decided not to tell James about his hair, Remus walked in. I suddenly grew a bit nervous, hoping he wouldn't give anything away. I started mentally cursing him when he stopped and looked at James, frowning.
"What's up, Moony?" James asked. "Something wrong?"
"No, nothing," Remus answered, his face melding into an unbelievably believable neutral face. "Your hair looks... different somehow. You should go talk to Lily. Something tells me she'll enjoy it."
"Really?? What do you guys think?" He turned to look at us, his eyes full of excitement.
"Oh she'll think it's great," I said, again trying not to giggle. "I don't know what it is about your hair right now, but I'm loving it."
"Go get her, mate," Sirius agreed.
James grinned and got up, going across the common room to where Lily was studiously doing her homework. "Hey, Evans," he said, sauntering over to her. "How's it going?"
"Potter," she said, sounding exasperated. She looked up at him, her expression already annoyed. When she saw his face, however, she suddenly burst into a fit of giggles. "Oh, your hair!"
Foolishly thinking she was simply overwhelmed by his charm, he smirked and sat down on the arm of her chair. "Like it, do you? I didn't even have to do anything to get it looking like this. It just happened naturally."
"Bloody brilliant, telling him to go talk to Lily," I said to Remus.
He smiled. "I couldn't pass up the opportunity. I am a Marauder, after all."
"You know, sometimes I think you're more devious than the rest of us. You just hide it beneath your innocent eyes and stacks of books."
He gave me a mysterious smile and shrugged.
"Potter, you look ridiculous!" Lily said, laughing harder. "I certainly hope that's not natural."
Finally realizing he was being pranked by us, he tugged at his hair, trying to see it. When he saw the bright fuchsia, his eyes narrowed into dangerous slits and he turned to glare in our direction. "Sirius," he said in a low voice, "I will kill you."
"That's my cue to run," Sirius said cheerfully, getting up and fleeing from James.
They ran out of the portrait hole, where we could still hear James yelling at Sirius.
"Normally, I frown on the pranks you all do, but that one was truly funny," Lily said.
"We agree. It was Remus's idea to have him come show it off to you."
"Well, thanks, Remus. I needed a bit of laughter to make doing this Charms assignment less dull."
The three of us continued to talk for awhile, enjoying having the common room all to ourselves. We were in the middle of a discussion on how badly Professor McGonagall would kick Professor Slughorn's butt in a duel when Sirius and James came back in, laughing and playfully pushing each other. Sirius was now sprouting green and yellow hair, a red flapper dress, and purple nails; James had the same fuchsia hair, but his skin was now orange and he appeared to be wearing an Eskimo-esque fur loin cloth.
"You look bloody awful in that dress," James was saying to Sirius.
"I look bloody good in this dress. You're just jealous because I look better in a dress than you do in a crotch flap."
"That's not even what it's called," James said, rolling his eyes in a mock superior way.
"What is it called, then?" Sirius challenged.
"It's a... a... Yeah, crotch flap works."
"See? And you tried to tell me I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm Sirius Black. I always know what I'm talking about. Isn't that right, Dove?"
"Actually, it's called a loin cloth, and you're wrong a lot."
"Such a nonbeliever," James said sadly, shaking his head.
"I don't think there's any hope for her," Sirius agreed in an equally sad voice.
"Come on, Siri! Let's leave these nonbelievers behind and go put our hair back to normal!"
"And then, to conquer the bed and make it our bitch by laying on top of it for a good eight hours!"
They trooper off, looking serious and determined, like they were about to go into battle.
"Do you think they realize they more or just said they were going to sleep in the same bed?" Remus asked.
"Doubtful," I answered.
"Or maybe they don't care," Lily said. "They are incredibly close after all."
Remus made a face. "I think I'll wait awhile before going up to bed. What they do is their business, I'd just rather not see it."
"Oh, Moony!" Sirius yelled down. "Come join us! It's so lonely without you sleeping beside me!"
"Oi back off!" James yelled. "Moony is mine and you know it!"
"You've always been jealous that he thinks I'm hotter," Sirius answered.
Remus was muttering under his breath, his eyes closed in annoyance. They both came running downstairs wearing nothing but their boxers. Lily exclaimed in surprise and averted her eyes, but this was nothing new to me. Sirius and James knelt before Remus, each grabbing a hand of his.
"Tell him, Moony. Tell Sirius you love me more."
"Get off my man, James! He loves me, and he'll tell you as much."
"Actually, boys," I said, wrapping my arms around Remus's shoulders, "he loves me. I've got boobs, so you can't compete with me."
"It's true," Remus said, pulling his hands out of theirs and wrapping his arms around me. "You just can't compete with that. Plus, she's prettier than you two."
James and Sirius gasped dramatically and flinched away from Remus.
"Come, James, met us find comfort in each other's arms!"
"Yes, let us leave this no good scoundrel behind. We're too pretty for him anyways!"
"Men," Sirius said, shaking his head in disgust. They went up to bed, finally allowing the common room to be quiet again.
"Thank you," Remus said, looking relieved. "Their games can be very tiring."
I smiled. "No problem. I like beating them at their own games, so it was fun."
"Are they always so naked?" Lily looked horrified.
"Pretty much," Remus said.
"They're both very proud of their bodies, and therefore feel the need to show them off whenever possible. They try to get us to do the same, but we're more modest."
"Well at least not all if you feel the need to run around in your underwear. I don't think I'll ever get that mental image out of my head."
"I know. The first time can be a bit shocking. A good night's sleep helps though. Come on, let's go to bed. Good night, Remus."
"Night, you two. Try not to have any nightmares."
"Try not to get violated," Lily responded.
"It's too late for that, I'm afraid," Remus said sadly. "They've already taken my innocence." He smiled at us, getting up and heading to bed too. Lily and I smiled back before going to our dorm to sleep.