Feet First

“Okay. Well I’m sorry.” He said, looking me directly in the eyes.

I could tell he meant it.

The look in his eyes told me he really wanted to do something, but didn’t know what to do.

I dropped his gaze and studied the grooves of the table again.

I heard him get up, but still didn’t lift my eyes.

Only when I knew he was gone did I look up. Instead of looking at someone across from me, I saw the giant bonfire with everyone crowded around it.

Cups, faces and figures cast odd shadows across the field in the firelight, and made it difficult to make out peoples faces.

I saw someone walking towards me, but I couldn’t tell who it was, just that they were tall and skinny.

When they got closer I saw that it was Jack.

“Hey.” He said.

“Hi Jack.”

“May I sit?” He asked, gesturing toward the empty bench across from me.

I couldn’t really say no.

“Sure.”

He sat down and studied my face for a minute, then took a long sip of his drink.

We just sat for a while.

I was usually comfortable with silence, I actually enjoyed silence.

Being a somewhat quiet individual, I didn’t mind sitting and not talking.

After a few minutes he broke the silence.

“How’s Warped been for you?”

“It’s fine. The shows are good.”

“But?” He asked.

“But what?” I returned, confused.

“There’s obviously a but or you wouldn’t sound or look sad.”

Damn, he’d never struck me as very observant, but it turns out he was. Or he’d been talking with Alex.

“I don’t know what Alex told you, but, I’m fine.”

“He hasn’t told me much. I don’t think he understands enough of what’s happening to tell me. But he obviously gives a shit about you. Otherwise he wouldn’t be freaking out over you being mad.”

“I’m not mad.” I said, trying to keep my voice calm.

“Then what’s wrong?”

“I think afraid would be a good word to describe it.” I said, without thinking,

I’d just walked into a bunch more questions.

“What are you afraid of?”

I might as well tell him at this point, because I couldn’t think of any reasonable lies.

“Well, he hurt Annie, and he hurt me too in that process. And that was a really bad time in my
life, and the memories he brings back make it hard to forget.”

He took what I was saying in and thought.

It was quiet for another minute, while his finger lazily traced the ring of his cup.

“Well, he’s not giving up until he makes things better. Just because he’s Alex. So, maybe forget the fear. He’s not a bad guy, Mags. If you let him in you’ll see that. And maybe you can forgive him.”

I thought about this.

I did want to forgive him, because I knew he wasn’t terrible. I knew he’d changed from what he
used to be.

But letting people in, and trusting them, and opening up and telling secrets, that scared me
almost as much as my past.

“Maybe I should.” I said.

He smiled.

“Well, I’m glad we had this talk. Maybe Alex will stop bitching now. But I’m sufficiently drunk, so I’m going to sleep.”

I laughed.

“Goodnight.” I said.

“Night Mags, er, Olivia, I mean.”

I laughed again.

He got up to walk away, then turned back.

"Olivia?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry if I was a dick to you in high school. I was kind of a dick in general, but that's no excuse. And I know Alex is sorry too, for whatever he did. And I know he regrets hurting Annie."

I smiled, and this one was genuine.

"Thanks Jack. It means a lot."

"Goodnight." He said, giving me a little half smile and a wave.

My smile stayed on my face.

I never expected to get an apology, because other than calling me "Annie's weird sister" and sometimes flirting with me as a joke or out of pity, they never really did anything wrong.

Maybe I’d jumped to a conclusion too quickly.

They’d obviously changed, grown up a bit more.

Maybe I should get to know the new Alex and not punish him with his past actions.

After all, I’m sure we’d all like to forget some of the past.

I knew I did.