Ripped Jeans & T-shirts

The next morning I walk down stairs to find my dad sitting down drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. I haven’t really talked to him that much this summer because I hate him, but also because I feel like he doesn’t except me for who I am. Neil pasted me on the staircase and joined dad at the table where there were boxes of cereal for us to choose from. I could tell he has already gotten use to dad and it seemed like he forgave him. That is something that I could never do. I took a deep breath and decided to join them. When I sat down Neil grabbed his bowl of cereal and left.

“Kris, we should talk.” My dad said as I poured Frosted Flakes into my bowl. I was scared of what he was going to say to me. “I can tell that you hate me right now, but if you don’t give me a chance then how am I supposed to fix things between us.”

“Well, I didn’t see you putting much effort into fixing things between us for about 17 years.” I said angry. I feel like everything my dad says just makes me mad because it’s like I had no excuse to be mad at him. He created the issue, so he should do a better job at fixing it.

“I’ve called a couple of times, but your mother never let me speak to you, so I stopped calling. And now every time I try to talk to you you’re too busy or you just ignore me.” He was right, but I did have my reasons.

“Okay fine. I hate the fact that you left before even getting to name me. I hate the fact that you sent a letter to tell mom how you felt and I hate the fact that you didn’t even try to fight for custody of me or my brothers. Most of all I hate the fact that you made me feel like I wasn’t important to you. That I was nothing to you.” I just let out everything that I was holding back and I began to tear up a little bit. I never cry, but I couldn’t hold it in.

“Is that really how I made you feel?” He was looking me in the eye for the very first time since I have been here. I didn’t want to talk anymore, so I got up and stormed outside.

When I got outside I sat down in one of the million chairs that were out there and I started sobbing like crazy. Where were these emotions coming from? The best part was that no one was around to see me like this or so I thought. I heard a noise from next door and I looked over to see Luke walking this way. I tried to quickly wipe away the tears because for some reason I feel weak when I cry and I don’t him to see me all vulnerable.

“Are you okay because it looks like you have been crying?” Oh shit I guess I couldn’t hide it especially since I was probably all red. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so white, but it is just extremely hard to get tan these days.

“I’m fine just practicing my crying for the school play. I want the lead role this year and unfortunately I have to be a really good fake crier.” He laughed and I knew that he knew that I wasn’t serious even though I was hoping he would fall for that stupid story.

“It’s okay to cry every now and then. Plus you don’t seem like the kind of girl who would put up with all those drama freaks.” I laughed and he smiled like he has done a good job of cheering me up.

“True, but do I look like the type of girl who you would see crying to herself in the backyard?”

“No, but I am sure there is a reason for all those tears.”

“Yeah, it’s called the past.” I heard a door shut and it was coming from Luke’s side of the fence. He turned around and I followed his gaze. It was Marissa. She came up to Luke and started making out with him. I was completely disgusted. I said ‘bye,’ but I don’t think he heard me, so I just went back inside.

As much as I hated Marissa, she did save me from venting my feelings about my dad to Luke. I hate venting to others about my problems. No one needs to know about my issues unless they are the issue. It’s not like I have many issues, but when I do why should I bring everyone else down with all my problems? When someone brings up one of my issues I try my hardest to change the subject.

I went into the living room to join Neil, who I haven’t really talked to lately. He’s been busy with some chick he still hasn’t introduced me to. This is the first girlfriend he has ever had unless you count the one from 4th grade, but they were young and only lasted a day and 4 hours. Anyways this was my last summer with him and we have barely done anything together, so I asked him to hang out with me for the day. We decided to take surfing lessons. I am terrified of surfing, but I want to conquer my fears.

When we arrived to the surf shack to sign up for lessons guess who was going to be our instructor. The one and only skater dude, Wesly. I guess he is skater/surf dude now. I was kind of happy that someone I kind of know was going to teach me, so things won’t be super awkward in the beginning. Also I am done with making new friends because the people here are really starting to piss me off.

After an hour and a half practicing on land we finally got to go in the water. I was extremely nervous that something bad was going to happen. Neil got the hang of it right away, but I was too scared to even try standing. I was just sitting on my board and riding over the waves. Eventually Wes was able to get me to ride a wave and I fell right as I stood up. It was funny and exciting. After a couple more tries I was able to ride a wave. I was still pretty bad, but I was getting the hang of it.

I got to know Wes a lot better to and apparently when he hit on me the other day he said he only did it because he had a reputation to keep. He says he is known for sleeping with the most liked girls, so he was just complimenting me and a disturbing way. After he got to know me too he said that I was definitely not his type and plus I am the kind of girl that a guy wants as a friend rather than girlfriend. I felt a little insulted, but I knew he meant it more as a compliment. I told you it’s easier to be friends with guys because when there is drama between you two it just seems to disappear the next day and they act like nothing ever happened.

After a long day of surfing lessons of course we go over to Hal’s to eat. I just got a drink because I felt like I have eaten here way too many times. It’s weird how teenagers tend to hang out at food or coffee places. Why don’t they ever hang in a library or some other place that doesn’t have food or coffee?

“So, can you remind me why you hate skaters?” Wes asked me because he just doesn’t understand how annoying they are probably because he is one.

“Don’t try to get in my sisters head because there is a lot of messed up shit you don’t want to find out about.” Neil said and I smacked him on the arm.

“I don’t like skaters because they are cocky, annoying douche bags.” I ended that sentence with a big smile on my face.

“Oh well thank you very much.” I laughed and he chimed in a second later.

“You’re different though. You also know how to surf, so you’re not completely a skater.” I explained.

When my brother and I got home Luke was sitting on our front steps which meant my dad was out doing whatever the hell people his age do at 11 o’clock at night. I was assuming he needed something from my dad because there really was no other explanation why he would be sitting out there I think? Anyways Neil went inside and I offered a hand to help Luke up, but he patted the ground next to me, signaling for me to sit down. Neil closed the door to leave us alone and I was feeling a bit nervous right now.

“We need to talk.” I didn’t know what we needed to talk about, so I was thoroughly confused.

“Don’t tell me that you’re breaking up with me.” I said as a joke, but he didn’t laugh. What the hell was going on?

“You showed the emotion of sadness this morning and we should talk about it.” I laughed at the way he said that and then stopped when he had this very serious face on him.

“Who are you, Dr. Phil?” I was trying to lighten up the mood and change the subject all at the same time, but he wouldn’t laugh or even smile.

“Why do you hold all your emotions and feelings in? It is good to let out all your anger. Trust me it feels good to just tell a friend how you feel.” Now he was really starting to piss me off.

“I’m a happy person and I don’t need people to get into my problems which I have very few of.” I tried not to lash out at him.

“Are you not close enough to anyone, so you don’t feel comfortable telling people how you feel or do you just not trust anyone?” What the hell was his problem? I was getting really frustrated. I stood up and he did the same.

“You really want to know how I feel,” I asked all angry and he nodded. “I have never met my father until this summer. I mean he didn’t even stick around to name me. My mom got arrested for stealing money from very rich people. I don’t have many girlfriends back home and I tell myself it’s because their jealous or because they are too dramatic, but the truth is they aren’t very fond of my personality. Oh and let’s not forget the fact that I have a huge crush on you, but you are dating Marissa who is a fuckin bitch by the way.”

I just exploded. I threw all my problems out on the table and I definitely did not mean for the last thing to come out of my mouth. I couldn’t take it back though and I knew this was going to put a huge dent in our relationship. On the up side it did feel really good to share my feelings. Luke was just standing there and I was surprised he hasn’t left yet. “I didn’t mean she was a bitch I just meant you can do better than her.” I was hoping he wouldn’t be mad at me.

“No you meant what you said. Do you really think that your any better than Marissa because if anything your worse.” He yelled at me and this time he walked away. It felt like I was hit by a train and then shot in the heart. That’s it for now on I am done falling in love with people and sharing my feelings with people.

I knew I could be a little bitchy, but I didn’t think I was that bad. Maybe I am worse than Marissa and I just can’t tell. I felt like crying again. What the hell is up with all these stupid ass emotions? I barely cry and now I have cried twice in the same day. Maybe this town is turning me into a weak girly girl. Good thing I am only here for the summer because I don’t think I could last much longer living next door to Luke and Mackenzie. One more month is all I have to deal with.