Distorted Perceptions
Reflect
She told them she didn't want them to mourn for her. She didn't want heaps of black clothing or running mascara. No dozens of roses to be placed by her grave. No sorrowful orchestra filling a church with their music. She didn't want talk of how she left, but of what she accomplished while she was there. She didn't want to hear the quiet pitter pattering of rain echoing throughout an empty room, or muffled sobs into the shoulders of loved ones. She didn't want a single tear to be shed, no matter how painful it was to keep them in. She couldn't bear the thought of the people she loved being sad on her account. She didn't want them to remember that day as just another sad funeral out of the many they would all surely attend in the future, nor did she want them to mourn her death, but to celebrate both her life and theirs.
She wanted bright colours, and light hearted music. A message sent saying, "You'll be missed" rather than, "Don't leave". She wanted the sun to shine down on their smiling faces as they danced and laughed and shared silly stories, like the good old days when nothing mattered. She wanted her friends to invite their friends, and those friends to invite more. She wanted her favourite songs to be played, and drinks to be passed around. Reminiscing on the good and laughing off the bad. She wanted people to get so drunk, they'd forget they're at a funeral rather than just another party like the ones she always used to throw.
She wanted her friends to invite her first lover. To tell him she never meant what she said. But she never did forget, never wanted it to end. She wanted them to tell him she missed those days they spent on the beach, in the park, sneaking out of their rooms to meet each other in the dead of night. She wanted him to know she was sorry, and not a day went by when she didn't regret what she did. And most of all, she wanted them to let him know she never stopped loving him, but she was glad, grateful even, that he could move on. He deserved better and she always knew it. And while she regretted the decision for herself, she knew she chose what was best for him, cliché as that sounds.
She wanted her father to attend. Not because she had forgiven him, but because she never did. She wanted him to know what he had missed, and what he had caused. All the regrets she ever had that had been brought about by his negligence. She wanted him to feel all the things she had felt, to see all the things she had seen. She knew he'd never understand, but she wanted him to try. Try seeing what he had done to her, where he had gone wrong. She didn't want him to see her as the girl he raised, but as the woman he never met.
She wanted her mother to be waiting for her, on the other side. Praising her for what she did right, and scolding her for the wrong. She wanted her mother to reassure her that it wasn't her fault, none of it was her fault. But most of all, she wanted her mother to finally have the chance to be her mother again.
She wanted to do in death what she never was able to accomplish in life.
She wanted to bring happiness to all those she cared about.
She wanted bright colours, and light hearted music. A message sent saying, "You'll be missed" rather than, "Don't leave". She wanted the sun to shine down on their smiling faces as they danced and laughed and shared silly stories, like the good old days when nothing mattered. She wanted her friends to invite their friends, and those friends to invite more. She wanted her favourite songs to be played, and drinks to be passed around. Reminiscing on the good and laughing off the bad. She wanted people to get so drunk, they'd forget they're at a funeral rather than just another party like the ones she always used to throw.
She wanted her friends to invite her first lover. To tell him she never meant what she said. But she never did forget, never wanted it to end. She wanted them to tell him she missed those days they spent on the beach, in the park, sneaking out of their rooms to meet each other in the dead of night. She wanted him to know she was sorry, and not a day went by when she didn't regret what she did. And most of all, she wanted them to let him know she never stopped loving him, but she was glad, grateful even, that he could move on. He deserved better and she always knew it. And while she regretted the decision for herself, she knew she chose what was best for him, cliché as that sounds.
She wanted her father to attend. Not because she had forgiven him, but because she never did. She wanted him to know what he had missed, and what he had caused. All the regrets she ever had that had been brought about by his negligence. She wanted him to feel all the things she had felt, to see all the things she had seen. She knew he'd never understand, but she wanted him to try. Try seeing what he had done to her, where he had gone wrong. She didn't want him to see her as the girl he raised, but as the woman he never met.
She wanted her mother to be waiting for her, on the other side. Praising her for what she did right, and scolding her for the wrong. She wanted her mother to reassure her that it wasn't her fault, none of it was her fault. But most of all, she wanted her mother to finally have the chance to be her mother again.
She wanted to do in death what she never was able to accomplish in life.
She wanted to bring happiness to all those she cared about.