Keeping Secrets

Dear Cody Simpson;

Did you get the last four letters I sent? Probably not. Or you did and just shoved them aside. Either way, this is another one of my fail attempts at talking to you. I want you to know something. I need to tell you a secret. A pretty big secret that I've never told anyone in my entire life. And I'm trusting you instead of my best friend. I'm trusting you because I know you'll never know my name, or where I live or who I truly am. Cody, I'm being honest with you. My dad hit me the other night. He didn't mean it, I think. He started crying after and holding me and saying he was sorry. Was he truly sorry? After he went downstairs and my mom and him started to scream and yell at each other. I was in the hospital yesterday. I just got out this morning. I attempted suicide. This is my fifth time in the last two years. This time I tried hanging myself. The first time I cut too deep. The second time I tried to shoot myself, but my mom opened my door and the gun slipped and shot me in the stomach. It's so strange that I lived. The third time I overdosed. And the fourth time, I jumped off a building. You're probably hating me now. You probably think I'm some stupid girl who does what I do for attention, but that's okay. I trust you with this because you'll be the only one to tell me the truth. You'll be the one who tells me I'm depressed and I need help. Mom's not happy about my fifth attempt. I have red rope marks on my neck still, and it hurts to swallow sometimes, but I like it.

I'm a sick person, I know. I'm sorry Cody. Your life is perfect and happy and wonderful and mine is slipping into a black hole. I'll make it through somehow. I just want to thank you for bringing me out of my deepest, darkest moments, even if I still have attempted suicide after all this time. Maybe I'll find a way to break free from this way of life I seem to have.

Or maybe my next attempt will actually work.

-Anonymous.

Cody sets the letter down, sympathy filling his heart and tears running down his cheeks. The door to his room is closed, locked tight to be exact as this is the moment he likes to be to himself. Reading his fan mail is private to him. It's a time for him to connect with the people he has inspired. Cody reaches over and touches the letter again, sighing heavily. Whoever this girl is, wherever she is, Cody will find her. He needs to find her and show her that life is worth living.

He lifts up the envelope, turning it over in his hand to look for the return address, only to find it blank. The only address on there was his, neatly printed as if a delicate hand spent hours just writing his name. The letter was the same. Printed so delicately that it seems as if the writer took hours and hours just to write the first few sentences. He sighs again, setting the envelope down.

He takes a slight glance at the pile of letters still waiting to be read and acknowledged. Some he'll even respond too, but for now, Cody knows it's time to take a break. With the haunting words of the letter in his mind, he wipes his eyes and gets off his bed, stretching his legs and raising his arms over his head to stretch those as well. Once the stretching was done, he leaves his room, closing the door behind him gently as he walks quietly down the stairs to the kitchen.

Cody knows Alli will be in her room, more than likely talking to Jake or even Madison. His mom and dad will be in the living room with Tom, enjoying this moment of relaxation before some kind of plans are made for him. Cody's life is nothing but busy and hard working. Don't get him wrong, he absolutely loves what he does, but sometimes, he misses being a kid. Not that he still isn't a kid, it's just a lot more harder to be himself.

The paparazzi follow him everywhere, spreading rumors and incorrect information instead of just getting the correct story from him. Which is why he appreciates interviews to clear the air about things. Cody only had half a clue that this would happen. He had seen it happen to others, but he never realized it was so hard.

"Cody?" Angie calls, making sure it's her son and not a stranger, or worse, a stalker.

"Just me mom." Cody reassures her.

She doesn't respond, which means that she's absorbed back into what is going on in the living room. Cody sighs and rummages through the fridge, finding a half-eaten chocolate cake in the back. He pulls it out and grabs a fork, sitting down at the table with the cake and eating it. All the while, he thinks of the letter. How can he possibly find this girl whose name he doesn't know and whose address he doesn't have.

Cody glances down to see that he's eaten the rest of the cake and feels bad. But the feeling quickly disappears as he puts the plate in the sink with the fork and heads back upstairs. He passes his room and stops in front of Alli's. He rarely comes to her for advice, but right now seems like a pretty good time to start. He doesn't know how girls think. And having someone else know about this would make him feel a little better.

The door opens before he can knock and Alli jumps upon seeing him. She shakes her head with annoyance a second after the shock had passed.

"What do you want?"

Cody looks down at his feet. "I need advice, Alli."

He looks up to see her smirk. She moves aside to allow him in. Cody strides past her and plops himself onto her bed, lying on it so that his hangs off, staring at her upside down. She gazes at him intently, waiting for him to talk. Upon realizing this, Cody pulls himself up to a sitting position and motions for her to sit across from him.

"I got a letter today..." Cody trails off.

"You get many letters, stupid. You have fan mail, be more specific."

He gives her a small glare before continuing. "I don't know who exactly it's from, and there is no return address. But in the letter, the girl wrote about how she's attempted suicide five times, how her dad hit her, and how much she cares about me. Alli, I need to find this girl and show her life is worth living. And it needs to be soon, because she might try to kill herself again"

Alli's eyes widen a little before she gives Cody a blank expression. "Cody, we can't do anything. If it's anonymous and there is no return address, then it's obvious she doesn't want to be found."

"But we have to do something!" Cody shouts, then lowers his voice. "If she dies, I'll feel responsible."

"You won't know she's dead." Alli comments.

Cody shakes his head. "That's the thing, Alli. I think I will. I think somewhere inside me, I'll just know."

She rolls her eyes. "Cody, you're being dramatic. Just let it go. If she writes to you again, then maybe we'll consider figuring out a plan, alright."

"But Alli, in the beginning she says she's written four other letters! I don't even remember getting them!"

Alli leans over and touches Cody's shoulder. "Cody, do you remember how Matt took half the letters and told you he was going to throw them out because there were too many and the pile would just grow? They might have been in there."

Cody sighs and falls back. "I hate myself for not reading them."

"You didn't know, Codes. Quit being dramatic."

He twists his body to glower at her. "Says the drama queen."

She reaches over and whacks him with her pillow. "Get out of my room."

Cody slips off her bed and leaves, turning to look at her once more before closing the door. Even though Alli says to wait, Cody wants to do everything he can to find her.

But what if she, like Alli says, truly doesn't want to be found?