Status: Last update was 5/19/14, until now 11/5/16. I guess we're back up and running.
Who Am I?
Alone
“Goodbye Adrian,” I say sternly.
He lets out a light chuckle and shakes his head; he walks forward which makes me walk back.
“I can’t believe what I’m hearing. . . You’d rather keep a fucking baby than me. You’re a dumb ass bitch,” he says, still laughing.
That’s the last thing he says; he takes his phone, keys and he leaves with nothing else. That’s the last time I see or hear from him and I’m left with those being his last words that I hear.
So yeah, shit happens. I pretty much stressed myself out way too much once he left. I couldn’t find a job anywhere; I had no one to help me with bills so I ended up having to move out once I sold most of the stuff that I didn’t really need, on Craigslist. I now live in this very tiny little apartment in a shady area that I'm I afraid to go outside in after 6pm.
After all of that, that happened with Adrian I also ended up losing the baby at two months which really fucking hurt . . . What happened with Adrian was over a year ago and I’m still suffering from it. I really thought he was the one, because he took me away from all the pain I was being put through. He was my escape, my safe place and now he’s just another piece of my shitty past.
I lie in my stained, uncomfortable bed, wrapped up in my white, thin sheets. I’ve been crying all day and night, I haven’t slept and it’s now 4:30 in the morning. It’s like this every night until I pass out from exhaustion after maybe 42 hours of no sleep. I feel like I’m high on meth only, I don’t get to enjoy the feeling of numbness and being absolutely care free. I still have to deal with the pain I put myself through and I fucking hate myself for it. I can’t stop, no matter how hard I try I just can’t stop it’s sucking me in and it does every time. . . I’m starting to think that I’m not even ready to stop and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to pull off a recovery again.
I have an eating disorder. . . I suffer from anorexia and I know that I have a serious problem, but I feel like if I get just a tiny bit closer to the perfect body, then I’ll be able to stop.
I hope.
He lets out a light chuckle and shakes his head; he walks forward which makes me walk back.
“I can’t believe what I’m hearing. . . You’d rather keep a fucking baby than me. You’re a dumb ass bitch,” he says, still laughing.
That’s the last thing he says; he takes his phone, keys and he leaves with nothing else. That’s the last time I see or hear from him and I’m left with those being his last words that I hear.
So yeah, shit happens. I pretty much stressed myself out way too much once he left. I couldn’t find a job anywhere; I had no one to help me with bills so I ended up having to move out once I sold most of the stuff that I didn’t really need, on Craigslist. I now live in this very tiny little apartment in a shady area that I'm I afraid to go outside in after 6pm.
After all of that, that happened with Adrian I also ended up losing the baby at two months which really fucking hurt . . . What happened with Adrian was over a year ago and I’m still suffering from it. I really thought he was the one, because he took me away from all the pain I was being put through. He was my escape, my safe place and now he’s just another piece of my shitty past.
I lie in my stained, uncomfortable bed, wrapped up in my white, thin sheets. I’ve been crying all day and night, I haven’t slept and it’s now 4:30 in the morning. It’s like this every night until I pass out from exhaustion after maybe 42 hours of no sleep. I feel like I’m high on meth only, I don’t get to enjoy the feeling of numbness and being absolutely care free. I still have to deal with the pain I put myself through and I fucking hate myself for it. I can’t stop, no matter how hard I try I just can’t stop it’s sucking me in and it does every time. . . I’m starting to think that I’m not even ready to stop and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to pull off a recovery again.
I have an eating disorder. . . I suffer from anorexia and I know that I have a serious problem, but I feel like if I get just a tiny bit closer to the perfect body, then I’ll be able to stop.
I hope.
♠ ♠ ♠
I'm not sure if anyone is actually following my story, but if you are I apologize for the wait of an update.