Can We Lose Our Minds and Call It Love?

There wasn't much I could do being a pregnant women roaming the streets at 2:30 in the morning. Jaime's been calling me non stop. He gave up around two. He knows I won't do something stupid. I won't let what Tony thinks or said to me get to me all that bad. If he doesn't want to be in his child's life, then that's on him. I'm taking care of my baby and just like Vic had told me before: I'm not in this alone. No matter what. So if Tony leaves me, then so be it. I don't need him. Maybe it's just my anger talking, or my hurt, but I've accepted the fact that Tony and I might not work out anymore.
It is what it is. I've decided it's time to head back home. For all I know, Tony most likely left to his friend's house or something.

I walked into the quiet and dark house, setting my bag on the sofa before heading upstairs. It's dark as I climbed up the steps slowly, not wanting to trip or anything.
I made it up stairs and passed by Jaime's room, then Ella's, then finally made it to mine. I turned the knob eager to just dress into my pajamas and drop onto my bed. I'm beyond tired. I walk into the dark room and shut the door behind me. Thinking no one is here, I switch the lamp on and surprised myself by seeing Tony laying down on the bed still in his clothes.
One thing that softens me is the fact that he's holding the sonogram picture of our baby in his hand. Before he wakes up I turn the lamp off. I quietly changed into my pajamas before laying down in bed next to him. As angry and hurt as I still am, I can't fight off this tiredness. And I'm not about to crash on the sofa.
My back is faced Tony and right as I shut my eyes, I felt his hand on my waist pulling me closer to him.

"Not right now, Tony," I mumbled, tired.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered in a husky voice. "Please."

I flipped over and faced him. As my eyes adjust to such darkness, I could finally make out his features. I don't really feel anything towards him as of now. I don't know what to feel after what he accused me of.

"I'm sorry," he croaked out.

I sighed and shut my eyes, nodding. I just want to sleep. His hand landed on my neck and my eyes snapped open. He scooted closer to me and leans his forehead against mine, staring at me. "No, Janelle, I mean it. I really, really mean it."

His eyes started to glisten in the dark and all I could really do is listen and watch him. There's really nothing for me to say. "I've been such a horrible boyfriend to you. I'm sorry I disrespected you and called you a slut and accused you of cheating on me and- I'm so disgusted with myself-" his voice cracks and he brakes eye contact with me. "I'm just so sorry. I can't stress how sorry I am enough. You're the most important person in my life and- and I want to be here for you and the baby- our baby. I'm so sorry."

"I know, Tony. It's okay," I mumbled.

His hand cupped my chin and he stared at me in the eyes again. "It's okay if you don't really forgive me now. I understand. I really do... But I'll work on it. I'll do whatever it takes to be that guy again. The guy you need. I'll be him, I swear. I want to do this with you. I love you, Janny."

I sigh and nod. "I love you too."

His thumb rubbed against my skin and he grinned at me. "I'll work for it. I'll do anything."

I shook my head and wrap my arms around him, not wanting to speak of any of this anymore. I forgive him, his words might still linger around and sting, but I'll forgive him.

"Right now I just want you to hold me, Tone.", I said barely above a whisper.

He wraps his arms securely around me, placing the sonogram picture under his pillow before cuddling close. "As tight as you want."

"That's good," I chuckled lightly and shut my eyes, finally letting the sleep take me over. I just need to feel that I won't be left alone in this. That's all I need right now.

"Jan?"

"Hmm."

"Can I go next time.."

I kept my eyes closed, ready for sleep. "Next time what?"

"For the next ultrasound.."

I look up at him and he stares at me, serious. "Of course you can."
He smiles and presses his lips against my forehead. "I love you."

I close my eyes again and start to fall asleep. "Love you too," I said, as I feel myself fall into sleep. Finally.

I groaned and touchwd my stomach as I flipped over in my bed. I can't shake the uneasy feeling that's building up and the next second I find myself fast walking to the restroom. God, they weren't joking about morning sickness. I'm washing my hands and someone knocks on the bathroom door. Once I get my hands dry, I turn the knob and open it, revealing an already dressed Tony. A big smile stamped on his face.

"Morning baby. Are you okay?"

I cleared my throat and nodded once. "I'm fine. You're dressed already?"

He smiled widely and nodded. "Yeah. I had to go pick something up from my mom's place..."

I looked at him confused. "Oh."

He grinned and grabbed my hand. "Come downstairs. It's a gift for you. For our anniversary."

"Really?"

"Yup. Come on.."

We walk to the living room and I could hear Ell giggling and something playfully growling.
I stepped in and gasped as I see a small little black and grey husky rolling around the floor with Ella.

"Auntie Janelle! Uncle Tony got you a puppy dog!" she said excitedly. I covered my mouth and turned to Tony who simply smiles at the puppy.

Jaime walked in the room and smirked, leaning against the couch. "How cute," he said and sipped his coffee. I bent down and called the puppy over. It gladly jumped into my arms and licked my chin.

"He's a boy. He's grown bigger since the day I got him though. I swear," Tony said.

I looked up at Tony, "He was with your mom all this time?"

He nodded, "Yeah. I got him the day of our anniversary... But... Since things were a little- not good... I left him with my mom for a little while."

"Puppies do need to grow up in a loving environment after all," Jaime added in. I chuckled and kissed the puppy. He looked up at me, one of his eyes brown and the other a stunning bright blue.

"I know you love huskies and big dogs," Tony said and sat down next to me. The puppy ran to Ella and tackled her down as they play on the floor. "He has his shots and everything. I was thinking that maybe we could buy him a collar and make him official today. Together."

I turned to him and smiled. "That's a great idea."

"All we need to do is give him a name."

"What do you wanna name him?"

He kissed my cheek. "Whatever you want. He's your gift."

I chuckled, "Akira."

"Akira? That's nice," Jaime said and nodded. "Ell- Ell careful-" Jaime bent down next to Ella and played with her and small puppy. He kissed Ella on the cheek and stared at her with such love it made my heart hurt. I could imagine Tony staring at our child the same exact way. Tony tickled my sides, pulling me away from my thoughts.

"Akira is really nice," Tony said. "We could leave after you get dressed to PetSmart or something. Get him a tag, a collar... A nice little bed. Then we could go eat breakfast over at Jaxin's house."

"Jaxin's house?"

He nodded, "If it's okay with you. They've been wanting us to come over. I thought it'd be okay."

"No, no, that's great. I haven't seen them in forever."

He smiled, "Alright then. We're going."

I smiled at him and nodded, "I'll go get dressed right now then."
I glanced at Jaime and he smiled at me as I walked up the stairs. Maybe things will work out for the best.

Tony's POV:
I sat on the couch and watched Ella and Akira play around on the floor, feeling better about things. Jaime sat next to me and I grew a little uneasy.

I sighed and faced him, "Jaime..."

He chuckled, "Don't. Don't tell me you're sorry or that you'll make it up to me- don't. I want to see it. I want to see you change and I want to see you treat her the way she deserves to be treated, alright?"

He grinned at me and I grinned back. "Okay. And you'll see it. You will."

He patted my shoulder. "This is a big responsibility, Tony. Next thing you know you'll be staring at your own child playing around on that floor the way I stare at my daughter doing the same thing. You're going to be dad."

I stared down at my lap and sighed, "Yeah, I am... But there's no way in hell that I'd walk away from this."

Jaime chuckled, "Yeah. You better say that! Because even though I hate you for knocking my sister up- as much as I want to kick your ass for it, I won't. She loves you more than you actually know. Don't mess this up, alright?"

I shook my head and stared up at him. "I won't. I won't."

He smiles at me and nods. "Good. Wouldn't want that to happen again," he said and pointed to my swollen eye.

I laughed. "Yeah, no. Not again."

"Alright! I'm ready," I heard Janelle call out.
She walked into the living room as she clipped on one of her earrings. Never have I loved a women more than I love the one standing in front of me right now. I'll be damned if I ever fuck this up again.

Janelle's POV:
Tony and I had picked out a green collar, a dark blue dog bed, and a tag for our new puppy. At some point, we stopped by the dog clothes and he just stood there, staring at all the random dog shirts.
"What are you doing?" I asked and chuckled.

He shook his head and grabbed my hand, walking us toward the cashier. "We're shopping for our new puppy. How long till we shop for our new baby?" At that point, I had all sorts of emotions flowing through me. I was more than happy to hear the excitement in his voice but I couldn't push away this terrified feeling inside of myself.

Tony knocked on the door three times and right after, rang the door bell. Seconds later, Natalie opened the door with a big smile.

"Hey guys! Come on in!"

She let us pass through and shut the door behind herself. "How are you guys?"

"We're doing great! Where's Jaxin?" Tony asked.

I chuckled. "He misses his boyfriend so much."

Natalie laughed, "I can tell. Your boyfriend's outside making sure the meat doesn't burn."

Tony rolled his eyes and laughed. "You two are funny. I'm gonna go say hi."

Tony walked away and Natalie and I walked into the kitchen where she was making some jamaica juice.

"Wow, you're making jamaica?"

She nodded as she stirred. "Thought I'd give it try. Mind telling me how it tastes?" She pours a little into a cup and I took a sip from.

"This is great!"

"Really? You think so?"

"Trust me, I come from a Mexican family. I know how good jamaica tastes like."

She laughed and grabbed the pitcher as we walked outside. "Thank God. I thought I wouldn't be able to get the taste down."

We reach the table outside on the backyard and took a seat across from each other.

"So tell me, how are things going? I've missed you!"

"I've missed you too! I've just been busy with work and Tony- well he does his own thing. I'm glad we finally got to meet up again though."

"Me too. Tony told Jaxin and I that you have some big news to share with us?"

My heart sped up a little. I didn't know Tony wanted them to know about the pregnancy already.

"Um- y-yeah! Really... Really big news actually."

She smiled excitedly. "Tell me now! I can't wait."

"Tell you what now?" Jaxin said as he set a plate of sliced up chicken and vegetables on the table.

"Hey Jaxin," I smiled.

He waved at me. "Nice to finally see you, Janelle! How's it going?"

I nodded and smiled. "Pretty good."

Tony took a seat next to me and Jaxin took a seat next to Natalie.

"Foods all here and ready. I'd say it's safe to eat now," Jaxin said and served Natalie some food.

"Sure you cooked it all the way, man?" Tony asked.

"Yes! Besides, you aren't going to eat it anyways. We have grass though. Feel free to eat the weeds growing out of the lawn too."

Tony glared at Jaxin as he served himself some cooked vegetables. "I'll have some asparagus actually. But thanks." I laughed and shook my head as I serve myself some chicken.

"So... The big news? What is it?" Natalie asked happily. Tony cleared his throat and we glanced at each other. I nodded and sipped on my drink.

"Well.. Um.." Tony mumbled.

I grabbed his hand and stared at Natalie and Jaxin. "Uh- I'm pregnant."

Natalie gasped and Jaxin's fork fell out of his hand and onto the glass plate. I stared at them wide eyed and I'm not exactly sure how to feel about this. Not about telling Jaxin and Natalie. They're like family, we tell them everything- but to have the words I'm pregnant come out of my mouth again. It's just... Frightening.

"Seriously?" Jaxin asked with his mouth open.

Tony laughed lightly and nodded. "Seriously. Yeah."

Natalie covered her mouth and stood up. "Oh my god! You're pregnant, Jan!"

I smiled and nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I'm pregnant!"

Yep. It still scares me. She ran over to me and pulled me up from my seat, giving me a tight hug. "This is wonderful! So wonderful!" she squealed happily. She pulled back for a second and stareed at Tony and I in a serious face. "This is wonderful, right?"

Tony and I laughed. "Yeah, it is. It's wonderful," Tony said.

Natalie squealed and hugged me again. "Congrats! Oh my god!"

We pulled away and Natalie wiped away a small little tear from the corner of her eye.

"Nat! Oh no- don't cry! You're gonna make me cry!" I said and gave her a one armed hug.

"This is just so great," she mumbled.

"Wow Tony. Didn't think you had it in you," Jaxin laughed. Tony nudged him from across the table.
"But in all seriousness- congratulations. Tony, this is huge. You two are going to be parents now. After all these years."

"Was it planned?" Natalie asked and tickled my stomach.

I giggled. "Not exactly..."

"She was a surprise," Tony laughed, "Not planned, but definitely a surprise."

"She?! Oh my god! You want a girl?" Natalie squealed.

Tony shrugged. "She is just the first word to come out of my mouth."

"Aw, a little girl. That'd be so adorable."

I smiled and nodded, looking down as Jaxin, Tony, and Natalie talked about whether we'd prefer a boy or a girl. Things went silent for me as I got lost in my thoughts again. Tony and I are going to be parents in a few months. I'm going to be a mom... In a few months.
I looked up and saw Tony look over at me, giving me a smile. Jaxin and Natalie are deep in baby conversation as he nodded his head over, motioning me to go to him. I walked over to him and carefully sat on his lap as he wrapped his arms around me. I laid my head down on his chest and felt his lips press against my head.

"We're gonna be okay, baby," I heard him say. "We're gonna be okay."

I looked up at him and he stared down at me. I pressed my lips against his and nodded, "I know, Tone. I know.", I smiled.