Can We Lose Our Minds and Call It Love?

Janelle's POV:
I wake up and turn to my side, not surprised that it's empty again. This is the second morning I wake up without Tony. As much as I'm used to it because he's always on tour, it peeves me this time so much more because I have no clue where he is. He's been ignoring my calls and texts I've sent him. I'm over all his bullshit.

As I throw my legs over the edge of the bed, ready to stand up, the door to the room opens. I look up and to all of my surprise, see Tony walk in, shutting the door behind him. I press my lips together and turn my body on the bed, facing him. He glances at me and quickly looks down, clearing his throat. I cross my arms, trying to find something to say, but nothing seems to come to mind. It seems like he's at a struggle for words too. I know he's trying to find something rude and smart to say to me, that's how he always is whenever we argue. He knows I ain't haven't it anymore.

He leans against the door and stuffs his hands in his pockets, letting out a sigh. And after what seems like long, dragging minutes, he finally opens his mouth to say something. "I'm sorry, Janelle," he says and looks up at me.

I shake my head at him. "You disappear for two damn days and come back only to say, I'm sorry, Janelle?" He stares at me, silent, before looking back down at the floor.

"Where were you anyways, Tony?"

"I was at Cesear's..." he said.

I nod. "Of course you were." He always crashes at his friend, Cesear's house whenever we have a fight. It's been very rare, but that's his destination every time. Proceeding to get drunk and forget about everything that went down when he's over there.

"I called you, Tony. Why didn't you answer? Or at least call back?"

He smirks at me and chuckles. "Oh- well how does it feel not knowing where I'm at, Janelle?"

I stand up from the bed and walk towards him. "You're seriously still bitching about that? Why won't you let it go? We've been dating for for five years and you're letting a stupid text that didn't send get to you! You leave for two days and come back like it's no big deal. You tell me that this relationship is all just a huge mistake. You tell me I'm just a mistake-"

Tony snaps his head up at me and motions his hands to me. "Janelle, I never said you were a mistake!"

"Well you didn't deny it two days ago when I brought it up!"

"And how about you, huh? So I'm just a pathetic guy in a band that's a waste of your time? That's all I am? You're a mistake and I'm a waste of time."

We both grow silent and I sit back down on the bed. I wipe away the tears forming in my eyes and stare down at the ground. "I guess so," I say quietly.

I hear Tony sigh and feel as the bed bends down as he sits next to me. "Janelle..." he mumbles and places his hand on my lap. I look up at him, trying my hardest not to cry. "You know I didn't mean any of that."

"Are you sure? Because the look on your face that day told me differently," I say as I start to cry again.

His hand comes under my chin and we stare at each, silent for some seconds. "I love you, Janelle. You're my world," he says and places his hand on my cheek. "I regret saying those things to you, I regret hurting you like that. I'm just angry at myself and I get pissed off at the fact that we never have time for each other anymore. It's like each day we're getting more and more separated. And I'm just scared, Janelle. I'm really fucking scared that I'm going to lose you. It feels like I'm losing you. I don't want to lose you, you're all I have."

As much as Tony could be an asshole sometimes, he's actually really sensitive and emotional. He just never talks about it or tries to bring it up. For him to open up and let something like this out, it must be a big deal.

Before I could see him break down, he wraps his arms around me, pulling me to his chest. I fall into his embrace without a struggle of pulling back, and press my cheek against his chest, crying. I squeeze him tight, not wanting his body to leave mine and kiss his collar bones. "You're not, Tony. You're not losing me, okay?" I say and feel as his tears fall onto my shoulders. "I'm sorry- I'm so sorry you feel that way. But you're not losing me. I love you, I have loved you, and I always will love you, Tony. That will never ever, ever change. You'll always have me. Even if you do think that this was a mistake and even if one day you decide to let go of me and-" I say starting to cry all over again.

He pulls away from our tight hug and I look up into his red eyes. "I've given you five years of my life, still wanting to give you so many more, Janelle. Why would I ever let you go?"
I take in a shaky breath and stare down at his lap. "Janny, I love you. I'd never let you go. The day I do is the day I've lost it all. You're not a mistake- you're not a mistake at all. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

I grab his hands into mine and look back up at him. "And you're not a waste of my time, Tony. You're not a waste of anything in my life. You're everything to me- I love you."

He bites his lower lip and I see his eyes water once again, before he presses his lips against mine. I put my hand behind his head, grabbing his soft hair into it and deepen the kiss. Tony sits me on his lap and pulls us to the end of the bed, laying me down next to him, our lips not parting once. His hand comes behind my ear as he kisses my chin and neck. "I love you so much, Janelle," I hear him mumble.

My breath starts to grow heavy as I feel his hands go under my shirt, soon taking it off. Soon after, every other piece of clothing on our bodies disappear, leaving nothing but bare skin between us. He gives me one last, long kiss before continuing. "I love you-" he says. Me, barley mumbling an 'I love you' back as my words soon turn into slurs by his next action.
No one is losing anybody anytime soon here.

Jaime's POV:
It's been a month since I've seen Kayla. I've dodged all her calls and texts ever since Ella admitted she didn't want me having a girlfriend. Janelle told me I was insane for letting a three year old run my life, but my parent's taught me that you need to make sacrifices for your kids.

"...And what's this letter?" I asked.

"Jay! That's yours and auntie's letter!" Ella smiled.

"It is," I smiled. "Good job! Now what's your letter?"

"You tell me," she giggled.

"No, no," I teased, "you have to tell me. Otherwise...the tickle monster will come out of the cave." I had my hand under her table. She smirked a little.

"He better not! Or I'll scream for years."

"Oh yeah?" I challenged. I quickly brought my hand out from under the table and tickled Ella's stomach. She screamed and then proceeded to laugh like crazy.

"D-daddy! Truce! Truce!" she laughed more.

"I won't stop unless I get a kiss!" I shouted.

"Okay! Okay!" she shouted back. I stopped tickling and she quickly wrapped her arms around my neck. She turned her head and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"Gracias princesa," I smiled.

"Dino, daddy!" she giggled.

"It's de nada," I chuckled.

Ella let go of my neck and sat down at her table. "Daddy, why isn't there a mom for me?" Her big brown eyes looked up at me, making my heart break.

"Well baby," I started, "some kids don't have mommies, some don't have daddies. Some have two mommies and some have two daddies. Some have a mom and dad, some only have one. You only have one daddy and no momma."

"Why?" she asked.

"El, a lot of grown ups who aren't ready to be a mommy or daddy run away. Like remember Peter Pan?"

"Mhm," her eyes lit up again.

"He didn't want to grow up. So he went to Neverland. But Wendy, she knew she had to be a grown up so she went home to grow up."

"If there's only a daddy, there's not lots of love? Cause I know two is more than one, huh?"

I smiled. "Two is more, but you have me and I give you lots of love, right?"
Ella nodded her head, her curly hair moving as she nodded. "Plus you have Abuela and Abuelo, Auntie Janelle, Uncle Tony, Uncle Vic, Uncle Mike, and a lot of others that love you."
Ella stood quiet, trying to process everything. I gave her credit though, she asked a lot of questions and retained most of the information.

"Will I ever get a mom?" she asked.

"In order to get a mom, I have to find a girl who will love you as much as I do," I smiled at her.

She smiled. "But I'm great, so it'll be piece of pizza!"

I laughed at this. "You are great. But no girls till you're 101, remember?"

"Can I have two daddies then?"

"Sorry chickie," I chuckled "there's only room for one daddy here."

"Daddy?" she said, playing with her hands. "I love you. You make me happy."

My heart felt as if it swelled and burst. "Aw baby, I love you too."

"Toy Story time!" she jumped up from her table.

"Okay," I chuckled.
Ella scurried to the couch and sat down. I got up and put the movie on.

"Snacks, par flavor," she smiled at me.

I laughed everytime her Spanish came out funny. "It's por favor. Alright, I'll give you fruit."

"Hey! That's not snack that's tricks."

"Sorry mija, you need to be healthy," I said. She furrowed her eyebrows in an angry way. I chuckled and walked into the kitchen. I grabbed grapes, blueberries, and raspberries and mixed them in a bowl. Before I could walk out of the kitchen though, my phone went off and I answered it without looking.

"Hello?"

"Jaime!" Kayla's soft voice said cheerfully through the phone.

"K-Kayla," I replied opposite of her cheer.

"I've been calling and texting you for weeks now. I thought you went on tour or something..."

"Uh nope. Still here," I said.

"We-well, I-I miss you," she admitted. I sighed quietly.

"I miss you too," I replied. God, did I miss her.

"Can I see you today?" she asked.

"Y-you don't work?" I questioned.

"I'm not the face character today, since it's raining. So I don't work till later tonight," her voice was hopeful. I heard Ella's footsteps run across the wooden floors then back to the couch.

"Kayla..." I said, "I-I don't think I can hang out with you anymore."

"Oh...." she got quiet then asked, "Why?"

"It's a lot to explain. But just know that I'm extremely sorry. You're really fun to be around, but right now my life is too hectic for...this."

"I understand," she quickly said. "Uhm, I'll let you go then. I'm sorry I bothered you. Goodbye, Jaime."

"Goodbye, Kayla."
The phone disconnected and I shoved the phone back in my pocket.
I walked over to the couch where Ella sat, handing her the bowl. She had a Jasmine doll under her arm now.

"Here you go, El," I said with a smile.

"Thanks, daddy," she looked up at me with a big smile accompanied by her big bright eyes.

"Since when do you like Princess Jasmine?" I asked. She just shrugged.

I didn't want to stop talking to Kayla. This was a tough feeling because she made me happy and I liked getting to know her. I need to at least try to not speak to her. But it already had felt so wrong letting her go.