Half Dead

Cheri leads me into the cafeteria with her hand on my shoulder; it's a gentle clamp, rather than a harsh one. I see the pink freckles up and down her arms, and think of how cute they are. Cheri is cute, even if social media says girls who are a bit bigger than others are disgusting. Even before she was my friend, I thought she looked nice. I envy the smile she has; it's big, bright and her eyes twinkle.

I wish I smiled like that.

Cheri sits us at a small table near the door, and near one of the student projects of the 10 commandments. I was apart of it; I got Honor Thy Mother and Thy Father; I chose that one for a reason. I can't seem to remove my eyes from it, I feel this weird feeling in my stomach, it's more shyness than fear.

"Can I ask you something?" Cheri breaks my deep thought.

I look at her and nod.

"Are you and Frank... Like a couple?"

My eyes bulge and I shake my head vigorously. No way. 

Cheri laughs, "I was just wondering, Violet, because he really likes you."

This is one moment I wish I could talk, I wish I could gossip. Is it gossip, really? I just want to tell Cheri what I think of Frank, to get my feelings across. But they won't come across written in my squiggly handwriting. I wish I could talk.

I open my mouth and air comes out. Nothing tumbles. Even go would be good, but nothing.

I grab my tablet and write; He's really nice to me, I like him, but not like that

"Would you ever date him?"

I tug at my bottom lip;If I was normal, maybe

Cheri gets what I mean, when I say normal. If I could talk and wasn't suicidal, I would totally date Frank; as girls say. I would be the nicest girl to him, I'd let him see the true me and not just a smudge of it, like Gloria did.

Oh God... I think I like him.

Oh no. Oh no.

I feel my face get hot and Cheri's face contorts. She puts a hand on my back, "It's alright, calm down." she says softly to not cause anyone to look at us.

My heart is beating fast and I want to throw up again. It's crazy, but I finally calm myself down. My head isn't dizzy and I'm hungry. 

I take a bite of my granola bar and write to Cheri; I think I like Frank


Cheri gives me the first hug a teenage girl has ever given me. I freeze for a moment, but return it nicely. She pats my shoulder, "Good luck."

I know what she means and I reply with a small smile. Cheri skips away towards her dad's car and I see Frank waiting for me. He's smoking a cigarette, a habit we have yet to talk about. 

Aside from that, I feel my chest tighten at the sight of the back of his head. I'm such a girl. I'm such a girl and I have a crush on a boy who is barely a friend.

But, he has been my friend for over two months. He likes me and I like him... It's such a scary thought. I wish I could be like other girls and accept this crush, but I'm not like other girls and this is hard to accept. I can't help but feel giddy and happy when he finally turns his head and looks at me.

"Violet," he says my name soft; the October rain was threatening with thunder clouds, but it was easy to hear, "Are you ready?"

I tighten my jacket close to myself and nod; I step down and stand before Frank; he let's out the crook of his elbow so I can slip my hand through, and I do. I feel heat on my cheeks as we both walk down the sidewalk.

"My mom can't wait to meet you," he says, "She's going to be heading to work when we get there, so don't be startled when she starts rushing."

The walk to Frank's house wasn't long and was a bit quiet. He kept making jokes and saying how he wished that his mother wanted him to go to Catholic school so we could be together. I know in my heart I wished that too, but I try to push it out of my head.

Frank opens the door of his house, which is modestly small and has a neat yard with a skateboard abandoned there. Heat feels my face as we enter the house that smells like an Italian restaurant; my stomach growls, quietly and my hand grips on Frank's hoodie.

"Ma! We're here!" Frank calls out.

I see a small dog run up to us, a little mutt with dark fur. Frank let's me go a moment to pick up the animal, "Hey Wheaty!" he shoes me the dog who has his tongue sticking out the corner of his mouth, "I almost forgot to tell you about Wheaty," he says to me, "Wheaty Iero, meet my future wife, Violet Graber."

I smile tightly at the dog, Frank takes my hand, "He won't bite, Violet, he doesn't have teeth. We blend is food," he smiles and puts my hand on the animal's head, "Kinda like you, if that isn't too offensive?"

I let out a small pleased sound that makes Frank grin. I pet Wheaty, and his eyes shut and he whimpers.

"He likes you." Frank says happily.

"Frankie?" a woman calls, followed by the sound of sneakers on a carpeted floor, "I made dinner."

Frank puts Wheaty down and takes my hand, leading me down toward what I figure is the living room. We get to the living room and a woman is searching through a big purse; "Ma, before you go, meet Violet."

My heart isn't racing, surprisingly. I wave to the woman who has the same gentle features as her son; the nose and the calm eyes. She smiles differently than he does, but it's still warm. She's taller and prepped in nursing scrubs; "Hi, I'm Linda Iero,"

I smile at her, wishing I could talk. That's when I grab my backpack and get my tablet. I write fast so I won't keep Ms. Iero waiting; Nice to meet you, and thank you for having me over

Ms. Iero reads my writing out loud and cooes, "Aw! You're so sweet, honey. It's nice to have you, Frank brags about you all the time."

Frank nods and his cheeks turn red, "I tell her."

"I'm sorry to cut the visit short, but I have to head to work." she comes over and kisses Frank's forehead, her pink lipstick leaves a mark, "I'll be back at 10."

"I know mom."

Ms. Iero looks at me and gives me a tight and warm hug that I happily return; "It's wonderful of you to be so kind to my Frankie."

Frank let's out an embarrassed groan, "Mom! Go please."

She laughs and lets me go, "I'm going. Have fun and make sure you feed Wheaty."

"I will, bye." Frank and I both wave to his mom as she leaves.

"Finally," he takes my hand, "Follow me, wifey, there are some things I wanna show you."