Half Dead

My hand tightens around my bottom of coke while I watch Frank. His eyes are focused on the TV, we're watching the Misfits live show on some music channel. He absolutely loves the Misfits and demands I watch it to get the feel, as he says.

"Glenn Danzig," he says as he looks at me, "I idolize him, Violet."

I smile nicely at him, his eyes jet back to his TV. I can't concentrate on Glenn Danzig, I can only think about him kissing me. It has been an entire week since I was last here; it's the weekend and my mom dropped me off to hang out with Frank.

I've only been here an hour and all I can think about was kissing him. I can't help my thoughts, it's all that's there in my head. Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me!

"Violet, are you there?" Frank is waving his hand in my face and smiling.

I blink and give him a sheepish smile.

"You were lost in space, weren't you?" he laughs softly and pays my back.

My stomach is tight at his sudden touch. I wish it was closer and longer.

"Something wrong?" he keeps staring at my face, his eyes searching mine for a clue.

I put my bottle down and grab my tablet; I'm killing myself with want

His brows furrow, "What do you want? Are you hungry?"

I shake my head; It's embarrassing

His eyes squint; he's confused, "Whatever it is I won't laugh."

I bite my lip and swallow the lump expanding in my throat; I really want to

I stop short because I'm scared. My heart is beating really fast and my hands are sweaty. You can see my wet fingerprints on the screen of my tablet. Frank's eyes are on me and I wish he was a mind reader. Please read my mind, stupid boy. 

Or, just get the notion and kiss me. I really want to kiss you. I want to feel your lip ring, as gross as it sounds.

"You really want to what, Violet?"

I put my fingers to my lips and kiss them, then put them to Frank's. A gesture can mean so much than words. My gesture is sweet and I can only pray he understands; please don't be stupid; I think.

Frank's eyes go wide, but return to normal when my hand drops from his lips. He looks at me with curiosity; "You want me to kiss you?"

I nod slowly and feel terribly embarrassed. My face, I can feel, is red and hot; I'm such an idiot. 

"Are you sure?" he asks quietly.

I nod again slowly. I write; If you don't want to, it's okay

Frank smiles, "I want to!" he exclaims and that funny hum sounds through my throat, "I mean, is that I do." he blushes.

I want you to, too

Frank licks his lips, "Okay. Okay... Uh, I'm gonna... I'm gonna do it. Just relax."

I smile, trying not to grin now. Frank puts his hands on my forearms, "Don't move, just be still." he says this as if he's removing something sharp from my body.

But, I don't move. I do as he says and watch him move in. My breathing is heavily pressing from my mouth. I can smell Frank's tic-tac breath and shut my eyes just as his lips meet mine.

Lord, Jesus in Heaven -of there is such a person and place- I see fireworks. I see them under my eyelids and I hear the crackle of them and the ka-pow of gun powder. This is my first willing kiss -a kiss I actually want- and it's just like I've read in those teen love stories. It's real. Fireworks with kisses is real!

I think I've melted against the cloth of the couch. I'm stuck here forever. I'm in love and it's wonderful!

But, all too soon, it's over. It's over but it was well worth it. The 30 seconds of bliss was heavenly. I know what heaven is. I get it when people say it.

"How was that?" Frank asks nervously as I open my eyes.

I touch my lips and bit my bottom one. It was amazing, I tell him telepathically. I'm in love with you stupid boy.

I grab my tablet and write that; I'm in love with you, you stupid boy

Frank's eyes widen again and I can't look away. His face breaks out in a grin and he hugs me. I'm used to this, hugging people, as of lately. There is no exception when it comes to Frank. I want to hug him and he's the only person I wanna hug for the rest of my sorry life.

"So, you will marry me?" He gives me a cheeky grin when he pulls out of our hug.

I bite my lip and shrug.

"Violet and Frank, sitting in a tree," he sings happily.

I shake my head and my face is stuck in permanent blush.


I kept our kiss to myself and it nearly exploded my heart every time I thought about it. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about it as I lay in my bed. I never kissed a boy before and was happy about it.

Of course there's a story to my first kiss that I try not to remember. I remember that the boy had pushed me against a wall and had his friends hold me down as he tried to have his way with me. He had kissed me and I remember screaming so loud I scared them all off. I hated that kiss. So, for the rest of my life, my first kiss was spent with Frank and Helena by the Misfits playing in the background.

I play it over and over in my head. I like being in love, it's such a lovely feeling. I want to feel this way all the time. All I can hope is that it isn't taken from me. I never want it taken from me.

I won't tell anyone this wonderful event. This is for me and my heart to cherish. It's the only happy memory I have left of my teenager years; well, I hope there's more.