Half Dead

Dr. Wilbur is staring at me. His greying beard, with his beady eyes behind his wire frame glasses, he's frustrated with me. I haven't talked yet and it's been 45 minutes. He's given me his expensive iPad with an app to speak what I type. It's suppose to encourage me to talk.

To be completely and utterly honest, I don't think I can remember how to. I'm afraid to, now that I'm here. I'm afraid to speak a word, I can't remember how to.

"Please, Violet. Can you say something?" Dr. Wilbur smiles, showing the gap between his two front teeth.

I read somewhere that people with gaps in there teeth tell lies. Of course, it's just a psychological book I've read. I don't know if it's a fact.

I sighed and began to type: I can't remember how to.

The static like voice says it out loud. It's very robotic, it sounds broken.

"You can't remember?" My mom sobs.

Why are you crying? I'm the one who's broken, woman.

"I think you should see a vocal coach. Maybe rehabilitation?" 

I shake my head and type with many explanation points; No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Calm down, Violet."

Then I type; No.

I'm calm.

Dr. Wilbur sighs, "You need help, Violet."

I look down and place the tablet on his desk. I scoot back in my seat and put my fingers in my ears. I didn't want to be here any longer, I didn't want to hear what he had to say.

My parents expressed their concern through muffled words. I shut my eyes tight and play a song in my head. I want to disappear.


Up in my bedroom I stare up at my ceiling. I can hear my parents arguing about whose fault it is that I'm so defiant. My mom screams that it was the maids fault for letting me run wild while they were gone. My dad blames my mom for making me go to a Catholic school when we so clearly don't act like Catholics.

I want to scream that it's their fault for birthing me. Their need to have a baby was wrong, they should just got a dog and called it a day. A dog is loyal and cute forever, a daughter is defiant, sad, ugly and shameful to keep. A daughter always lets you down. If you lose a daughter, you wouldn't want another; you lose a dog, you can get another one who looks just like it and is just as loyal.

What's their point in keeping me? I'm nothing. I'm... I'm a big disappointment.

I shut my eyes as my dad stops yelling and begins to ascend the stairs. He says my name, "Violet," real soft.

I just look over as he enters my room, "Time to eat."

I look at him a moment, and then I get up and follow him.


The Smoking Boy isn't around after school on Monday. I sit down by my tree and pull my knees up. Today, school was rough... Rougher than I imagined it to be. Raven and Gloria teamed up to hurt me and it worked. You'd think with my track record, I wouldn't care, I wouldn't mind, but I did mind.

As a matter of fact, I start to cry when I'm alone. I can't sob, my mouth won't open. I choke on them, and let the tears flow. I won't let the words echo in my head, it's bad enough they were spoken. I wish I had thicker skin.

"Are you crying?"

Oh, great. Stupid Boy, you're here. Why? I was just fine without you.

"What's wrong?"

You. You're what's wrong, you idiot.

I have to stop crying. Leave me alone.

"You're way to pretty to be crying." 

Stop laughing. Stop! Stop! I hate you! Go away!

I shot him a glare and i finally get a look at this stupid boy. His face... Please , go away!

Yes, please step back. Run. Run far away and go bother Raven. Find Gloria Stone while you're at it.

"Hey, you want me to call someone?"

No! Go away!

I pulled my knees up and hide my face. He doesn't get the privilege of seeing me cry. Maybe he likes it. Maybe Raven told him that she hates me and I'm the mute girl. Maybe he's just around to make fun of me, try and gain my trust.

Happened before and I won't let it happen again.

Go away, idiot.

"I'm sorry... If that helps?"

You're an idiot! Go a-fucking-way!

"Um, I didn't see you on Friday, you know..." Stop talking. "Here's your book."

I don't touch it. I scoot away, I don't want him near me.

"Okay..." He tossed the book at my feet, "Well, just because you ignore me doesn't mean I'm gonna give up, Violet."

Don't say my name. Go away.

"Take the book. There's a love letter in there for you."

I rolled my eyes and kick it. The stupid boy laughed and picked it up.

"Okay, I'll just give it to your mom, then."

I didn't move and utter a sigh or anything. I just want him to go away. I want him to fall off the face of the earth.

But, my seething revenge doesn't last long because my mother is here. I got up, refusing to wipe the dirt off my skirt and race to the car. I want my mother to speed off, but she doesn't; she smiles at the stupid boy.

"Hello Frankie." She acts like they're old pals.

"Hello Mrs. Graber." Stop grinning asshole, "I must get going, but here is Violet's book. She's playing hard to get."

Don't wink. Mom don't slack your jaw like that. We aren't anything. We won't ever be either. I hate that stupid boy. I want to kill him; murder suicide, unless he's following me to hell.

Shit, he probably would.

"Oh, well, thank you."

"Have her read it." Stop winking, it's annoying, "It was nice seeing you again."

He leaves. Finally.

Mom, stop looking at me like that.

"Violet, is... Is he your friend?"

No.

"He's very kind. You've talked to him?"

No, hell no. To break my vow to him would be a cold day in hell. Never.

"You should, he can be your friend. You could use one."

No I couldn't.

I don't need friends. Friends are for suckers, and I refused to be a sucker. I will die alone the same way I came into this world.