Half Dead

The Bell Jar stared at me on the edge of my computer desk. It was calling to me: "Violet, read me!" the haunting voice rang in my ears.

No! I shouted in my head, No!

My mother had come in, after we arrived home, and set the book my desk; "That Frankie boy is very kind. You let him borrow your book?"

I didn't want to touch the book. I hated that book. The written word is said to be a dead media. But I love books, I just hated that little book of pages written by Sylvia Plath. The great copy of a copy.

Don't touch it, Violet -I thought- Don't let him win. You read that note, you're a sucker.

My conscious fought me; What if it's just a innocent note?

It isn't!

I groaned inwardly at my curious mind and stood up. My hand trembled as I touch the cover. I patted it like it was hot coal. A few more taps and I finally grabbed it fully. That one spot in the book that was forcibly opened by its own led me to the note.

All it said was; Text me -534-0890 XO FAI

I rolled my eyes and set the book down. I couldn't nor wouldn't call that stupid boy. I have no cell phone and the last time I called someone, I was ridiculed into never wanting to answer a phone again.

This boy had said he liked me, the cutest boy in 7th grade and ask for my phone number. Of course, I thought he was being honest and I thought he really did like me, but it was a game. He was friends with Gloria, and the two put my number up in the bathrooms of school and the bullies harassed my house. It got so bad we had to change our number, and my mom didn't believe me.

She had said; "It's all in your head! Those kids wouldn't do that. It's just some stupid kid playing a prank."

One kid can't change his voice several different times.

So, I refused to ever make a phone call or give anyone my number ever again. I wouldn't get wrapped up in that again. Once you've experience something like that, you learn from that moment that bullying is not a game.

So, I throw the book out and go back to lying in my bed. I stared at the ceiling thinking about that horrible year. I cried an ocean that entire year and cut myself so bad, the scars will never ever go away,

The scars are puffed up and more than obvious when you look at my arm. I am a cutter, I am damaged. I am garbage, as Gloria and Raven say.

I don't deserve to be alive, they say. I deserve to die.


A new girl joined us in choir. She looked like me before I drank that deadly cocktail. Meaning, she's fat. She has a pudgy waist, big, round rosy cheeks and long black hair. She has a bright smile, and she looks friendly. She reminded me so much of myself, she has this innocent aura that I once had. She shouldn't be in this class, this school.

Shit, this state. She should run far away. I scream it at her; Run! Raven and Gloria are petite and will kill you!

But, the new girl, Cheri, just smiles and stands next to me as our teacher instructed. She's my height. Raven laughs and makes pig noises, oinking discretely as our teacher stands away. Cheri's smile disappears and she leans over, "Is that aimed at me?"

And sadly I nod the truth. I wish I could speak and tell her something encouraging, but I can't remember how to talk. I don't want to remember, but at that moment I did.

Raven let's out a cough, "Fat bitches."

I look at Raven and glare at her. She stares back, Mr. Bradley begins to instruct us to sing Camp Town Races and I stare at Raven. Cheri notices and laughs, and Raven cries out, "Stop!"

I turn my head just as Mr. Bradley looks over, "Raven, is there a problem?"

She growls, "That freak was staring at me!"

"Who?" he asks dumbly.

"Mute Bitch!"

The class oohs and Mr. Bradley snaps his fingers, motioning her to him. Raven pushes through Cheri and I, and I nearly topple over, but I held my own and smile.

Cheri leaned over, "Thanks... Sorta."

I shrugged as a response, Mr. Bradley looks over at me and Cheri, "Violet, were you glaring at Raven?"

I shake my head from side to side, indicating; Not at all, Mr. Bradley. I stared at that ugly creature, wanting to know exactly what lagoon she crawled from, but I was not glaring.

Mr. Bradley looks directly at Cheri, "Cheri, was Violet glaring at Raven?"

Cheri shakes her head the same as me, "She looked for a second, but that's it."

Wow, Cheri, if I could talk I'd say thank you. I wish we could be friends.

Raven gasped, "You fucking fat bitch!"

"Raven!" Mr. Bradley snapped at her, "Go to the principle's office!"

Another growl erupts from Raven's throat and she stormed out the room. I turn to look at Cheri and try and smile, I try and signal a silent thank you and you're welcome. I hope she go it, because she smiled back.


I'm alone today. No stupid boy, no Raven, no Gloria. 

I sit down at my spot, my tree, my dirt and shut my eyes. My head hit the tree gently and I exhaled heavily through my nose. As soon as I took a deep breath through my nostrils, I smelt him.

That stupid boy and his Marlboro cigarettes. The same brand my dad used to smoke until he quit. He started and quit because of me. We bargained. He stopped smoking and I'll stop cutting.

"So, you're mute." He says.

I rolled my eyes, No shit, dingus.

"Why?"

I drank bleach.

"Does it hurt to talk?"

I don't remember.

Why are you sitting next to me? Go away! Go! Shoo!

"Did you read my message? Did you read what else I wrote?"

No, I didn't. Stop grinning. I hate you.

"I see my charm and looks have captivated you, Ms. Violet. So lovely Violet." 

Stop leaning over.

I'll have to do this myself. I get up and walk away, heading toward the curb. I cross my arms and look down the street for my mom.

"Hey! Violet."

Stop, please, stupid boy.

"Look, I just want to talk. It's kinda lonely over at my school,"

Join the club.

"I just want to be your friend."

I just don't want friends. I don't like people. I especially don't like you and the way you start your sentences with I just.

Please, stop waiting for me to talk.

"Okay. Fine. I get it. I thought since you were the only pretty girl from Catholic school, and a loner like myself, we could be friends."

Oh god. My heart... Shit, it hurts. I forgot how much feelings hurt.

"I won't bug you anymore."

Good. 

Walk away. Go. I hate you.