We Will Never Be the Same

"I think we should go on a vacation." Cherry smiled as she sat on Matt's lap. We were at Cherry and Matt's house, the guys were working on some music stuff while Cherry and I enjoyed our private time. I had forgotten how easy it was to talk to Cherry, she was just so understanding.

"You guys don't record until next month and then you'll be going on tour, so I think we should ALL go on vacation together before you guys have to leave us."

"That actually sounds like a good idea." Dan smiled. Josh nodded his head "It sounds great! It'll be a fun time, and we could all go for some time off." Josh nudged me slightly, looking over at me with a smile. I wasn't very fond of the thought of going on vacation with everyone, I wasn't stable and I didn't want to have a breakdown in front of all our friends and make a fool out of myself.

"Eden?" Cherry asked, she was smiling warmly towards me, "you in?" I felt a bit nervous because I could feel everyone staring at me, " I don't know, maybe. I have to see if I can take time off of work." Cherry's smile faltered, "I bet you'll get some time off, don't worry over it and this will be fun, an escape from our daily boring lives." She chuckled.

"I'll think about it." I responded.

"Dad told me what happened with mom." Amanda said as we made ourselves comfortable on her couch. I had come over just because I never spent much time with my sister and it would be harder to do when she had a baby around.

"Oh."

"I'm sorry." She reached and grabbed my hand, my eyes started to water and I sucked in a breath, I could feel her scooting in closer to me, she wrapped her arms around my shoulders, "I'm sorry I brought it up. Mom is mean and you should have to deal with all the things she says to you." I was crying because I was embarrassed, I could tell Amanda felt pity for me, I could hear it in her voice. I hated when people felt bad for me, I moved out of her grasp,

"I'm fine, better than before and I'm sorry I cried, I've been an emotional wreck lately." I mumbled, wiping my eyes quickly.

"Ok." She nodded, "let's just watch a movie." I spent the remainder of me day with Amanda, we watched a handful of Marilyn Monroe movies before I decided to leave.

"What time does Brad get here?" I asked as I stood up, grabbing my jacket and putting it on. She shrugged, "he should be here in a bit unless the hospital asked him to stay for longer."

"Well, call me if you need anything, " I told her as I kissed her cheek quickly and headed out. I wasn't looking forward to going home, because then I would have to give Josh an answer. I had actually lied earlier, getting time off from work wouldn't be a problem, because Arabella had been pestering me to take some time off for a while now.
A vacation is what I had wanted but I wasn't sure I would be completely comfortable around everyone.
I pushed the door open, closing it quietly as I walked in. Josh had fallen asleep on the couch while watching tv, I felt a bit weird as I stood there and watched him. He looked adorable and I wanted to go over and snuggle him to death, but I refrained. I sighed a little, I don't go out of my way to be close to Josh. He's always the one who kisses me, hugs me, cuddles with me. I was so terrible, my heart started to feel weird as I approached him, kicking off my shoes slowly. I felt a bit nervous as I laid next to him, snuggling into his side. I watched as his eyes opened slowly, he looked down at me, his eyebrows lifting.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Loving you." I said, chuckling slightly. "Why?"

"You usually don't come and cuddle me-"

"I could stop." I sighed, my feelings were slightly hurt

"No." His arms wrapped around my waist tightly, "I enjoy it, you should do it more often."

"I'm sorry I'm not very affectionate." I mumbled into his shoulder.
"Its ok,"

I shook my head, "It isn't, really. Its just hard sometimes, I feel as if we drifted apart and I'm not as comfortable around you as I was before."

"Why? I feel totally comfortable around you."

I shrugged, "I just don't and I know its all my fault, I'm the one who's been pushing myself away from this relationship. I know I keep saying that I'll try harder but it doesn't seem as if we're making any progress."

I took a deep breath, " I don't know how I'll be able to deal when you go on tour."

"Come on this vacation, Eden. We'll have time to ourselves before I leave. And even when I'm gone you know I'll call you a billion times a day, you can come visit us on the road, it won't be hard just a bit different.?

"Ok." I mumbled.

I groaned loudly, shifting slightly. I turned onto my back and set both my hands on my round stomach. The baby was kicking up a storm, at four in the morning which made matters worse. I kicked the sheets off and sat up carefully, I walked into the living room where I went to sit on the couch. Being pregnant was starting to become a real hassle. I had gotten bigger which I wasn't so very fond of, I was finding myself getting tired easily, my back would ache, my feet never seemed to stop hurting, and I was craving pretty much everything. I rubbed my hand over my tummy, hoping to soothe the baby,

"Why are you awake so late, huh?" I asked softly. I knew it was worthless, there was no way I was going to be able to go back to sleep. So I decided to go clean the kitchen. Josh's mom said I was nesting, which was probably true. I cleaned everyday, it had become a bad habit, because Josh would get quite worked up when he saw me sweeping, mopping, washing dishes, cleaning counter tops. I was pregnant, not disabled. I wanted everything to be perfect before the baby came home, even though she wasn't due for another 2 months.

"What are you doing, love?" Came Josh's groggy voice. I turned away from the sink, pushing the wipe cloth behind me, hoping that he wouldn't see it.

"I couldn't sleep."

He raised his eyebrows, "what are you really up to, Eden?" I sighed and shrugged,

"I got bored." I stepped away from the counter.

"You've cleaned that bloody counter 3 times yesterday." He sighed and rubbed his eyes, "you shouldn't be up for such a long time, you'll strain yourself."

I crossed my arms over my chest, "I'm fine, Josh, really."

"Will you just rest?"

"I don't really want to."

"For the baby." He mumbled, walking over to me. He reached out to rest his hands on my stomach, rubbing up and down. "I don't want anything to happen to you or our baby."

"And nothing will. We'll be fine." I assured with a smile before pressing my lips to his.