We Will Never Be the Same

I didn't spend my night the way I had hoped for, instead my body decided to make me throw up all the alcohol I consumed. I wasn't going to leave the bathroom any time soon, I wasn't in the mood for Josh and his anger.
I was hoping that he was sleeping when I finally decided to come out, the tv was off and none of the lights were on. I sighed in content and kicked off my jeans, I got into the warm bed and pulled the covers over my body.
In the morning, I woke up in an empty bed. I sat up and regretted it, my head started to pound so I laid back down. I sighed and looked up at the ceiling. I was so fucking hungover. There was a knock at the door, I got out of bed slowly, rubbing my temples. I opened the door to see a cheerful Cherry. She smiled at me and then frowned when she got a good look at me.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"I have a hangover." I mumbled.

"Oh, yeah. Matt was telling me you and Dan went out to drink last night. I'm gonna go ahead and assume Josh wasn't so happy about it."

"How do you know?" I asked.

"He was in our room earlier, he didn't look too happy." I mentally slapped myself. I had hoped that Josh would just get over it.

"We're all ready, we wanted to go and sight see, you wouldn't answer any of our calls so that's why I'm here. You don't have to go if you don't feel well."

I shook my head, "just give me ten minutes." She nodded and went over to sit on the edge of the bed. I took a quick shower then walked out the bathroom to find something to wear. Cherry was already looking through my luggage "wear this!" She smiled, hand me the dress. I walked back into the bathroom to change and fix my hair.
I had been looking forward to sight seeing but I had sort of regretted my decision to come along. Josh was avoiding me, so I was stuck with Dan.

"Dan! Dan! Come look at these!" Matt shouted.

"Oh, god, stop screaming, please." I rubbed my temples and closed my eyes.

"Maybe you wouldn't be hungover if you just stayed in the hotel room last night." Josh scoffed. I opened my eyes and glared,

"Shut up, Josh."

"Hey, now, be nice." Cherry scolded. I wandered away from the group, trying to find advil in one of the shops. I had wandered off to the point where I had forgotten which direction I came from. To be totally honest, I was just fine being by myself. I had wanted to get away and go on a vacation on my own, and now was my chance.

I frowned and set a hand on my stomach. I had been getting sharp pains for a couple of minutes now, I wasn't sure if it was something to worry over. I sat down on the couch, leaning back a little. I looked down at my stomach, waiting for the baby to move. I sat up quickly, when was the last time the baby had moved? Oh, god, I started to get nervous as I put both my hands over my stomach, waiting for the small kick.

"Josh!" I shouted. He was still asleep but I really didn't care. He was in the living room in a matter of minutes, looking tired.

"Yeah?"

"The baby isn't moving, I don't remember the last time she moved. And I've been having some-"

"Let's go to the hospital." Josh said quickly. He went to put some clothes on and walked back out, he grabbed both my hands and helped me off the couch.

"It'll be fine." He kissed my forehead quickly, I wasn't convinced, Josh's tone was dripping doubt. I tried to keep calm on the ride to the hospital, maybe I was overreacting, maybe our baby was totally fine.

Things were happening in a rush and the fact that the nurses and doctor seemed so alert was scaring me.

"You're fully dilated, ma'am."

"But she isn't due for a month and two weeks." I replied quickly. The doctor exchanged a look with a nurse and that's when I knew that things weren't ok.

"You're bleeding a bit, so we're going to go ahead and do a c-section, we need to get the baby out as soon as possible, ok?" He asked, a small smile on his face.

I nodded, "ok"
I couldn't feel any pain due to all the drugs they had given me. I could feel when they cut me open but it didn't hurt at all, it just felt a bit uncomfortable.
I stared up at the white ceiling for what seemed like forever, I was holding onto Josh's hand so tightly I thought my wrist would break.

"She isn't breathing." I heard.

"Heartbeat?"

"Yes. But still no breathing."

"What's going on, Josh?" I whispered. He had look of despair on his face, he frowned and gave a little shrug. I winced a little when I felt them giving me stitches.

"We're taking her to intensive care, her lungs are underdeveloped because she was born prematurely. We're going to put her in an incubator and hook her up to an oxygen machine." I couldn't find anything to say. I hadn't even seen her and they had already taken her away. They cleaned me up quickly and wheeled me away into another room. I could feel the pain from the stitches but that wasn't my concern, I just wanted to know if the baby was ok.

Josh was quiet for the most part, he was sitting in the corner of the room with his head in his hands. I wanted to comfort him but I didn't know how. The door opened and the doctor walked in,
He didn't even have to say anything, I could tell by the look on his face. My vision got blurry and I hid my face in my palms as I started to cry.

"We're sorry, we did everything we can. We were giving her oxygen but it was already too late, her lungs gave out." I couldn't even hear what he said after that because I was sobbing so hard.

Josh wrapped an arm around my shoulder, I pulled him onto the small bed with me so that he was sitting down.

"I'm so sorry." I mumbled.

"It isn't your fault, Eden." I looked over at him, his eyes were puffy and red, he wiped at his eyes quickly, getting rid of the tears.