We Will Never Be the Same

I was definitely keeping busy, there wasn't a moment where I wasn't doing something. Work was starting to get easier 'cause I finally got the swing of things. When I wasn't working, I was hanging out with Amanda and helping her out with the baby, Or I was spending some quality time with my parents. Josh and I would talk from time to time, sometimes they were long talks while other times he only called to check in and ask about my day.

I was over at my parent's for dinner, Amanda even made it out with the baby. I was leaning against the counter, watching Amanda rock Charlotte to sleep. My mom was walking back and forth,cutting vegetables or checking on the stove.

"Ew." I mumbled, covering my nose and taking some steps away from the kitchen counter.

"What's wrong?" Mom asked.

"The smell." I mumbled, "It's..."

"It's only meatloaf."

Amanda was laughing lightly, "I didn't like the smell of meatloaf when I was pregnant." It was quiet for a moment, we were all probably thinking the same thing. "It made me nauseous." She added.

"Ugh." I groaned and walked out the kitchen, with my hand over my mouth. I walked out onto the front porch and sat down on the cold steps. My heart was racing and there was a lump in my throat. It probably wasn't true, I thought. The door opened and I turned around to see my mom. She sat down next to me,

"You want to take a test?" She asked quietly.

"I'm probably not, mom." I mumbled.

"You could be, Eden. You should make sure." I closed my eyes and thought back to the last time Josh and I had sex and whether or not we had used protection.

"Oh, god." I muttered, I covered my face with my hands. It wasn't long before I started to cry, sobbing loudly and sniffing.

"Oh, Eden." My mom whispered and wrapped an arm around me, pulling me closer to her. I wiped at my tears and tried to catch my breath.

"Don't cry."

"But.....But-" I took a deep breath in, "I don't want this."

"What do you mean?" My mom pulled away and looked down at me.

"I can't!" I sobbed, "I...You know what happened."

My mom sighed, "You can't think like that. You don't know that it'll happen again."

"And if it does?" I asked, glaring a bit. I sat out there with my mom until I had stopped crying, I wasn't in the mood to be around anyone, so I decided to cut dinner short and go home but not before swinging by the store. I bought two different pregnancy tests and made my way home. I didn't even know what to feel, I wasn't happy, or excited, I wasn't any of things I should've been. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't be pregnant, I wasn't even over what had happened and now here I am, pregnant again.

I sat on the bathroom floor for what seemed like an eternity, thinking about the little plus sign on both pregnancy tests. I finally forced myself to go to bed, I didn't get much sleep because there was so much on my mind. I just didn't want to go through the same thing, I wouldn't be able to handle it if it happened for a second time.
My cell was ringing, I thought it was probably my mom or Amanda but it was Josh. I had totally forgotten about Josh. I would have to tell him. Or I could keep it to myself, until he gets home. I couldn't bring myself to answer the phone, I laid back down and stared at the ceiling. I never even thought about this happening, I had seriously never even thought about having more kids. I got up in the morning and cooked myself breakfast before settling down on the couch and watching some lame soap opera. Josh had called me two more times but being me, I decided to keep ignoring him. He was probably worried, I should probably call him back. I opted to text him.

'Hey, sorry I missed your calls. I'm really busy at work.' It was my day off but he didn't need to know that.

'It's fine, call me when you get the chance?'

Ugh, I didn't want to speak to Josh, I was conflicted about this whole thing and I knew if I told Josh how I was feeling it would only lead to an argument. I didn't text back and tried to focus on the tv show.

I'm gonna have to tell him, one way or another he was going to find out. I figured I would wait until he was home because it didn't seem like such a great idea to explain this all over the phone, even though that's how I told him the first time. Maybe Josh and I would feel the same way about this, I could only hope because this was going to be tough if he and I are on different pages.