We Will Never Be the Same

"You're doing the same thing, Josh. You have no right to tell me not to." I snapped, getting out of bed, trying to think of a place to go so that I could get away from Josh. The conversation was surreal, I was almost hoping that it wasn't actually happening.

"You didn't even come ask me if it was okay." Josh uttered, obviously bothered.

"I told you, right now." I sighed, "I don't need your permission to do anything. You're my boyfriend and I respect and love you, if something makes you uncomfortable maybe I would consider not doing it out of my respect for you. But you're telling me what to do, and I don't like it." Josh didn't say anything, he wasn't even looking at me. I knew he wasn't going to say anything, I wanted him to apologize and tell me he was wrong. He didn't, and god knows how long it would take him to realize that he was wrong.

"I don't tell you what to do." I mumbled.

"I got it, Eden."

I glared, "You don't. You haven't even apologized." He finally looked over, looking very irked. He stood now, standing on the other side of the bed

"Apologize for what? For not wanting to have some gross guy all over you?" I didn't say anything, I had my angry face on. His features softened as he looked at me for a couple of seconds. I was offended and a little embarrassed at the fact that he thought he could control me.

"I'm sorry." He said softly, "I know, it sounded extreme. I shouldn't have said it like that." I stayed silent, replaying his words in my head, trying to decide whether he was being sincere or not. He walked over to me, reaching out slowly, his hands grabbed my wrists.

"Eden." I scowled at him, shaking my wrists so that he would let go. His apology wasn't making me feel any better.

"Don't ever tell me what to do again." I snapped, backing away from him. Josh followed until my back was against the wall.

"I won't." He whispered into my hair. I sighed, trying to wiggle away from him.

"I'm still mad at you." I grumbled. He pulled away from me so that he was looking down at me. He was extremely close and if I wasn't upset with him I would probably lean up for a kiss. He leaned down quickly, nuzzling his face into my neck.

"Sorry. Sorry. Sorry." He mumbled against my skin, I couldn't control my laughter. Dammit, I want to be mad. Stop making me laugh!

"Josh, get off." I said through my laughter, "That isn't fair, you know I'm ticklish" He stopped mumbling into my skin, opting to press small kisses along my collar bone.

"Joshua, don't!" He pulled away sighing, he pulled me into a hug. "Don't be mad, I'm sorry. I really am." He whispered. I pulled away slightly, looking up at him. He looked remorseful and it was then that I found it difficult to stay mad at him, even if he was completely wrong. I sighed, pressing my face into his chest.

"I'm serious, Josh. I felt really disrespected. Don't do it aga-"

"I won't, shhh." I looked up, furrowing my eyebrows. Did he just shush me? "Let me kiss you now." He didn't even let me answer, his lips were on mine in mere seconds. It was a sweet little peck, it was full blown making out. He had his hands on my back, pulling me closer to him. I stood on my tip toes, wrapping my arms around his neck. We stumbled backwards, Josh falling on top of me.

"Ow." I mumbled.

"Sorry." He shifted so he had both of his hands resting on either side of my head, "I'm sorry." I leaned up, supporting my weight on my elbows. Josh sat up, looking down at me.

"Stop saying sorry." I sat up, pulling my shirt over my head. Josh's eyes widened, a small smile appearing on his lips.

He grasped my face in his hands, "Are you sure? We haven't since before the girls-" I kissed him, cutting him off. He was right, we haven't been intimate since before the girls were born. Josh pestered the doctor about when it would be okay at one the girls' check ups.

"You'll just have to be gentle." I moved up so that I was whispering into his ear, I felt him shiver. I helped him unbuttoned his shirt with fumbling hands. I stood up on the bed, trying to wiggle out of pants.

"Shit." Josh groaned, dropping his head into his hands. "She's got perfect timing." I dropped down next to him, leaning my head on his shoulder. Emilia had started to fuss, she was always the first to cry and eventually her crying would wake her sister. A second later there was another cry, I sighed, rubbing a hand over my face.

"Let's go." I put my shirt back on. I grabbed Josh's hand and pulled him up, leading him into the girls' room. So tonight definitely didn't go as planned, arguing, almost having make up sex, and now trying to calm fussy babies. Now, as we were sitting in the living room watching music videos at 3AM-I had started to wonder if I was really over it.

He said sorry, Eden. He looked sorry.

"Are you really sorry or are you just saying it cos-"

"Eden, I'm sorry!" He groaned loudly. "I've never seen you so upset over something I've said. Can we stop talking about it, I don't want to be reminded of how stupid I acted." His hand gave my thigh a light squeeze. I moved on top of him frantically, straddling his lap, wrapping my arms around his chest. I kissed along his neck, sucking every once in a while. Josh groaned, grabbing my hips and gently moving me off him so that my back was flat on the couch. His hands fumbled around, trying to unzip my pants. I raised my hips as he tugged them off. I sat up a bit, expecting a kiss but Josh didn't come back up. He was kissing the inside of my ankle,

"Josh." I mumbled, "Kiss me."

"I will." His eyes were gleaming in the dull light provided by the tv. He kissed all the way up my leg until he reached my thighs. I wiggled, giggling as his stubble tickled the inside of my thighs.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled into my inner thigh, I tangled my fingers in his soft hair, pushing him away slightly. I had long forgotten about the small tiff we had earlier, I was focused on Josh and his kissing. I was also trying not laugh.

"It tickles." I said through small giggles. He made a humming noise, and I wiggled once more.

"Stop teasing me." I sighed, tugging at his hair.

"As you wish." He said quietly, tugging my bottoms down.

"Josh. W-what are you doing." I exclaimed, sitting up to try and grab hold of his shoulders. He glanced up at me, his head was now in between my legs.

"I'm gonna stop teasing you, lay back. " I didn't move, I just stared down at him. "Gonna watch me then? That's hot too." I laid back into the couch instantly when Josh pressed his lips onto me.

"Oh, god." I sighed, turning my head and burrowing my face into the couch cushions, trying to muffle the sounds of my appreciation.