We Will Never Be the Same

I made myself get consumed by thoughts, I was starting to get really good at it. I blocked everything around me and only focused on what I was thinking. I was thinking about work and about how I really needed to get my ass into gear and start finishing up some of the pieces.

"Oh, honey. That's so great." My mom gushed. Sadly, I couldn't block out everything. I looked down at my plate of food. My younger sister was on the left of me, while my mom was hugging her.

"Danielle, will you stop? Eden's here." My dad snapped quietly, glaring at my mother. People always spoke about me as if I wasn't able to hear them. I couldn't think of anything to say, there was nothing to say.

"But, Fred, for crying out loud, will you show some sort of emotion aside from grumpiness? Your daughter just showed you an ultrasound picture." My mom snapped.

"I'm not hungry." I stated, pushing my chair away from the table, I stood up and made my way outside into the backyard. I sat on the porch, staring down at my feet. I heard the screen door open, I didn't bother to look back.

"Hey, sweet pea." My dad sat next to me, patting my leg softly.

"Hey." He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and I couldn't help buy cry. He rubbed my back soothingly,

"It's ok, sweet pea, things will get better," he kissed my temple, "I promise." I cried and cried, and I just didn't care. I wiped my face with the sleeve of my hoodie.

"It isn't fair." I sobbed into his shoulder.

"I know, I know."

"Fred?" My mom called from inside the house. I wiped my eyes quickly, sitting up straight.

"What are you two doing out here?" She asked, opening the door, I kept my back to her. My dad sighed a little,

"I told you to stop," He whispered, " Eden doesn't need-"

"Just because Eden is here doesn't mean I can't be happy for my other daughter being pregnant." My mom replied.

"I'm gonna go home." I muttered, pushing past her and into the house. I grabbed the car keys and made my way outside.
It had been hard to stop crying, I practically cried all the way home, and I was hoping Josh wouldn't notice my blood shot eyes.

"How was dinner?" He asked,

"Fine." My voice cracked, and he turned, looking at me intently. I walked into our room, ready to close the door, but he had been too quick. He had me in his arms in no time, I was tired of crying in front of Josh, so I sucked it up and took deep breaths.

"What happened?"

"Nothing." I lied.

"Eden, come on."

"Nothing, leave me alone." I pushed away from him. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. I felt a little bad, I had told him that I would try and talk to him more, and I wasn't trying now, I was doing what I always did, I was pushing him away.

"Sorry." I apologized quickly, "My sister, you know, she's pregnant. And my mom wouldn't shut up about it, I just felt uncomfortable." I said, looking up at him slowly. He didn't say anything and I was starting to get a bit confused.

"I didn't know Amanda was pregnant." He replied quietly.

"Oh," I shrugged, " I thought I told you." He pulled me into his arms and rubbed his hands up and down my back.

"Things will get better, Eden, they will." I was tired of people saying that, because it wasn't true. If things were meant to be better they would be by now.

"They won't." I said.

"Don't be so negative. We'll get through this." Josh wasn't going through what I was going through, by the looks of it he had come to terms. I was having a harder time accepting things. It was all just so annoying, all these people telling me things would be fine. It was all a load of shit, no one understood how I felt, they would never get it. I want people to leave me alone, I don't need them to try and relate, because even if they tried they would never feel the pain I have to deal with everyday. I was getting tired of feeling so down all the time, but I really couldn't help it, and the fact that everyone felt sorry for me, it only made matters worse.