Despicable Love

My heart was beating so hard that it had begun to hurt as I sat on his bed, waiting. I knew this was highly inappropriate, for a male teacher to be bringing his much younger female student into his bedroom, but I didn’t care. I had just had my heart broken, and I was ready for it to be repaired. I knew he’d be the one to repair it.

Maybe he did just want to show me a few things that could help me with my college decisions, things that will help me excel in life as he had told me on the oh-so-awkward car ride here. But maybe, just maybe, those were little things to help convince each of us that whatever was going to occur back at his home was going to be okay, that it all wouldn’t be so wrong.

He was always so professional in school. He always spoke in a mature manner, and he was absolutely never unprofessional about anything he engaged in. That is, until I came along. I could always tell I made him flustered whenever I came near. When we were talking alone, he would crack jokes, bad ones, but I would always laugh at the almost sad attempt. Whenever I would walk by, I would stick my chest out just a little bit farther, hold myself up a little bit taller, and swing my hips just a little bit wider. Never once did he fail to stop and stare. Never once.

I knew deep down that what we were doing was wrong. Even though we hadn’t touched yet, other than the occasional brush of the arm, what was going on was quite evident between the both of us. He was married, his wife expecting their first child. As selfish as it was, I didn’t care, because I wanted him. I knew I could provide for him. I knew I could make him feel like a man again. This felt… well, right, in the most sick and twisted way possible.

I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself. I didn’t want to look like a nervous wreck in front of him. Getting nervous like this was such a typical high school thing to do. I needed to prove to him that I was more than just an eighteen year old girl. I was a mature, sophisticated woman that knows what she wants. A woman that has poise and elegance. A woman who doesn’t get flustered over a highly attractive older man.

Thinking of him made my heartbeat pick up again, and I cursed under my breath. I continued my deep breathing. Five seconds of inhalation, hold five seconds, five seconds of breathing out, hold five seconds, and repeat. As the beating began to lessen in its strength, the door creaked open. He smiled as he entered and stepped towards his dresser.

“Mind if I change?” He asks as he slides open the middle drawer of the dresser. I contain the urge to blush as I shake my head no and look away. He laughs at my bashfulness. “You don’t have to look away,” he says, “we’re both adults here.”

I feel a tingle run throughout my body. “Alright, then.”

As he removes his button down, he begins to talk about college and what I should be doing at this point. I am nearing the end of my senior year and have applied to all my choices early. I need to start deciding on my final choice. I really am not focused on what he is saying though, since I am anxiously anticipating the removal of his undershirt.

“Once you decide on your final college, you’re pretty much good to go. You should look into getting a job over the summer.” He slowly slid his undershirt off to reveal is torso. Not extremely defined, but not pudgy; it was in the middle and it was just, well, perfect.

“Get some certifications that will help you advance quicker in the field that you are planning to go into. It’s something I wish I did when I was your age.” He slipped his pants off to reveal his blue and white pinstriped boxers, and I couldn’t help but blush. I couldn’t get over how gorgeous he was.

He looks over at me and smiles. “Are you checking me out?”

Well, this was out of the blue. Never would I have expected him to say something like that. From what I knew about him, this was completely out of character. I opened and closed my mouth and looked down. “No.” I whispered, completely embarrassed that he had called me out.

He began to chuckle. “It’s fine. I’m sure you’ve noticed me doing the same to you time and time again.”

My mouth fell open, but I quickly closed it as I raised my head. I smiled slightly as he pulled on some sweatpants and a plain white T-shirt. He strode over to the bed and sat down next to me.

“I’m sorry, that comment was really inappropriate.” He apologized, placing his hand on my knee.

“It’s fine, really. It isn’t any more inappropriate than me being here right now.”

The mood in the air shifted and I could tell that he had become uncomfortable. He shifted his body slightly, turning away from me. He slowly drew his hand away from my knee, as though he longed to touch me still, but was coming to the realization that he could not.

“My wife’s out of town with some friends.” He announced, staring straight ahead at the blank wall before him. “One last little girl’s get together before the baby gets here.”

“Are you excited to be a father?”

“Yes and no.” He said and looked down at his hands. “I want to be a father; I’m ready to be one. It’s just that I’m questioning whether or not I’m starting a family with the right person. “
I raised my eyebrows. “What makes you think that?”

“I don’t know, I just feel like I married Laura because I was pressured to by my family. I had been with her for a while, but I honestly wasn’t sure if I should continue the relationship a lot of the time. Everyone around me told me I owed it to her, that I couldn’t break her heart, how great she was, how perfect she was. Don’t get me wrong, Laura is a great woman, I’m just not sure if she’s the woman that I should be with. I didn’t marry her for the right reasons. I just feel like it’s too late now. I’m living a lie.”

I didn’t know what to say. How could I? I wanted to reach out and hold him, to try to comfort him in some way. But I didn’t, and I just sat there uncomfortably, unable to speak.

“You don’t talk much, Kelsey. Why is that?” He asks as he turned to me, looking me straight in the eye.

“You know, I’m shy. I just… I’ve always been this way…”

“But when you’re around me, it’s ten times worse. You talk to all your other teachers with ease, I see you; why am I different?”

I peered up at him with uncertain eyes. “You infatuate me.” I whispered.

He continued to hold my gaze as he scooted closer to me. He got so close that there was barely any space between us. He reached out and brushed my face with his hand. “The feeling is mutual, Miss McNally.” He whispered.

Slowly, he leaned into me. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. My heart felt like it was going to fly out of my chest. He pressed his lips to mine lightly as he caressed the side of my face with his hand. I kissed him back, and as I did so, I moved my hands up his thigh, up his stomach, up his chest. I draped my arms around his neck, and as we continued to kiss, I moved myself so that I was straddling his waist. He moved his hand away from my face and brought both to my hips. The kissing was intensifying at a rapid rate now.

Slowly, he edged his hands up my shirt and unclipped my bra. Usually, I would have stopped a boy right here if we had just started seeing each other. For some reason, though, I let him continue. Maybe it was because I felt like I was getting an escape, or maybe it was because I always followed the rules, and for once I broke them and it felt so good.

He moved his hands back to the front of my body. He caressed my breasts with his hands for a moment, and then moved them out. He pulled away from me for a second and began to move my shirt up my body. I let him. As I watched it fall to the floor, he examined my chest, the rising and falling of my breasts as I took heavy, exasperated breaths.

I leaned back into him and held his face in my hands, his stubble scratching my upper lip just slightly. A slight moan escaped his lips as I slipped my hand below his waistband. I smiled as I worked with him. He pulled away from me once again and removed his own shirt, discarding it to join my own on his bedroom floor. He slipped his hands under my upper thighs and lifted me, laying me down on the bed now. He lowered himself on top of me and began to kiss my neck, working his way down slowly. I let out slight moans; the feeling of his lips against my skin felt amazing. I looked to the right, and that’s when I saw it: a picture of him and his wife on his wedding day. Both of them glowing, happy as can be, holding each other closely.

I began to feel nauseous. I became conscious of what I was doing, of how wrong it was. I quickly tapped his shoulder as he began to undo the button of my pants. “Mr. Morris, I –"

“You can call me Dan, Kelsey.” He sounded annoyed that I had interrupted him.

“No, Mr. Morris. I need to go. I can’t do this.”

I squirmed away from him and rushed to pick my shirt up off the floor. I couldn’t believe I had gone this far. I’m such a fucking whore.

“Kelsey, what… please don’t leave. I haven’t felt this alive in years. You’re exactly what I need.”

I shook my head fast. “No, no, this is so fucking wrong. I can’t. You’re only using me as an escape. You have a wife. She’s having a baby. You’re my fucking teacher!” I was becoming more and more sick with myself with every passing moment.

“Kelsey, please,” He begged as I made my way to his door. “I need you, please.”

“No!” I shouted, picking up my pace. I could hear his footsteps behind me, scrambling to catch me.

“At least let me give you a ride home, you don’t even live around here.”

“I’ll find a way.”

“How are you –"

“I said I’ll find a way.” I interjected, sounding harsher than I had actually meant to be. I turned to see the hurt look on his face. Did I actually mean something to him? Before I could find out, I turned to the door. “I’ll see you in school, Mr. Morris. This never happened.”

I didn’t wait for a response before I shut the door behind me. I ran down his driveway and turned down the street. I heard him calling after me, but I ignored him. I continued to run, run, run, until I eventually found my way home.