You Just Didn't Know

“I screwed everything up Bree.” Porter uttered, his head lying on his arms, his eyes full of tears; tears that were filled with remorse and dejection. “It feels horrible.” He added, his voice cracking underneath his breath.

Bree was never the type to comfort. She was never the compassionate type that would hug you and say everything was going to be okay. But this time, she knew that Porter needed her help more than anything else. She shifted closer to him and stroked his back. “You’re going to be okay.”

“No I won’t.”

“Yes you will.”

“I’m messed up Bree!”

Bree sighed and stopped patting Porter’s back. She moved both her hands on her lap and laced them together. “You chose this Porter, you wanted her, and that’s why you chose to love her.” She whispered in a dim manner. “When you love, you risk, and when you risk everything is uncertain. It’s either you get hurt, or you’re given what you want. In your circumstance, you got hurt. So what? You’ll find you way back up and forget about her sooner or later.”

Porter raised his head and stared at Bree with bloodshot eyes. His lips showed a frown. “So what?” he managed to cry. “Damn it Bree. She’s the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. You have no idea how much this hurts!”

Bree just lowered her head and said in the kindest way possible. “She’s not going to love you Porter. She said it-----“

He cut her off. “What do you know about love huh Bree?” he bellowed, “You don’t even have a boyfriend. Or anything close to that! I bet you don’t know how much a broken heart hurts, or how it feels to be miserable because somebody turned you down, or said they won’t love you, ever. It hurts here Bree, straight in the gut!” he howled, pointing on his chest and then thudding it with his fist.

Bree kept quiet.

“And then you tell me everything is going to be okay? Bullshit!” he blubbered, his hands flying upwards. “You have no clue what it feels when you give her something, and she throws them right into the trash without even bothering to see what’s inside, and without any hesitation! You have no idea how much that stings!”

Bree kept silent still.

“You’ll never know how I feel, you never loved.”

Bree stared at him in utter disbelief. She could feel the nerves in her tighten up, she opens her mouth and articulates a voice, silent but piercing. “What? You’re seriously kidding right?” she breathed.

Porter gasps, about to reply back but he was cut off.

“Really Porter? You have NO idea how I feel, how I felt, and how I feel right now. You’re the one who has been moping around thinking that your life was horrible that everything is wrong. You were too busy with yourself that you forgot about me.”

“What about you?” he answered back, pissed off.

“What about me?” Bree laughs caustically. “See, you have no idea what’s been going on with my life. I bet you had no idea that I’ll be leaving for New York next week. I tried telling you everything, but every time I wanted to, you’d change the topic about all the feelings and how they hurt, so I keep on forgetting.”

Porter eyes stared right in front of her, unaware of what to say next. He had no idea that he didn’t know this, and to think, he was her best friend. He should’ve known.

“And it doesn’t stop there Porter.”

“So when does it stop?”

“When I tell you how much I’ve loved you ever since.”

Porter’s nerves stopped for a moment, his jaws idly dropped. He never knew this. He could’ve easily detected and read the emotion and feelings of Bree towards him. But now he’s thinking to himself, have he really been this oblivious?

“Yeah.” Bree says, her eyes teary. “You never knew huh? And you tell me I’ve never loved? All this time Porter, I have loved you. And I just couldn’t take it anymore. I hate it how you keep on forcing yourself to someone who won’t love you back as much as I would love you.” Her voice cracked but she decided to keep on talking. “I keep on thinking that you’re best friend and that I can’t like you, but I can’t help it Porter, I just do, no reason, no explanation, but I just do. And it’s hard. It’s hard how you keep on telling me that she’s the one, that you’ll love her forever. It hurts.”

“I---- I didn’t---“ Porter wanted to start, but he was lost.

“But it doesn’t matter anymore, I’m going and... And you’ll be fine without me.”

Porter opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

Bree on the other hand, rubbed her tears away and smiled sheepishly at Porter. She gave him a small kiss on the cheek. And then whispered in his ear. “I just hope that instead of looking for someone, you could’ve checked what’s right in front of you.”