Fire Escape
four
Weeks passed, maybe even a month or two since Sidney and I had talked. It could have been longer. I didn't know anymore.
His words were always floating somewhere in my head, though.
Sometimes enough is enough.
Those were the ones I heard most. Those were the ones that haunted me.
Now, she had been lounged out on the couch all day reading some 500 page book. Every time I walked past her she was sitting a different way. One minute she'd be there with her knees to her chest and the next she'd have her feet thrown over the top with her head barely on the cushion. She had on a red hoodie and a blue pair of sweatpants with pink owl socks. The sweatshirt nearly swallowed her because it was about two sizes too big. And, as usual, her hair wasn't down. She still looked pretty, though. There was no denying that.
Whenever Paige read a book, or even anything with words, she would hum. I don't think it was anything in particular, just noise, but it had almost become a habit. It made me smile, honestly.
She brought out the best in you and made you happy, Kris.
Marc-Andre was having dinner at his house and invited some people over. She was one of Vero's friends. Everyone was engaged in a conversation, but I couldn't relate. After all, I was new to Pittsburgh and my English was even worse than it is now. I was terrified. She talked to me, though, and made me feel included. She helped me be more outgoing and taught me how to come out of my shell. I mean, I was still shy to a certain degree, but it was much worse before Paige.
It was the little things that really got me, though.
I was sitting at the kitchen table paying bills when I saw her figure appear a few feet away, the book in her left hand. I put the pen down, completely disregarding the papers in front of me, and looked up to her.
Trying to suppress a yawn, her eyes were fixed on the string of the hoodie she was playing with. "I'm going to bed," she said.
I glanced to my left in search of the time. It wasn't even 9:30.
"Okay," I nodded. "I'll be there in a little bit. I have to finish with these bills and then I was going to make myself something to eat."
"No. It's fine. You don't need to hurry or anything. I'll probably just put the news on and fall asleep."
She began to retreat to our bedroom.
"Why won't you look at me anymore?"
"What?" she asked, turning back around.
"Why won't you look at me?" I repeated. "Why won't you touch me, or just talk to me?"
"I do."
"No you don't. Not like you used to."
"Kris--"
Her voice was cracking. She stopped herself, unsure of what to say. Her eyes filled with water as she crossed her arms, dragging her toes on the floor in small circles. I knew it would turn into this. Every time I said something about how things have changed she always got upset. And in return it made me upset, especially since I knew that I had caused it. I hated myself for that.
I sighed, looking up to her. "What happened to us, Paige?"
"Nothing happened to us. We're the same as we've always been."
"Oh, that's such bullshit," I said, my voice picking up. "That's bullshit and you know it."
"Don't you dare blame this on me. This isn't my fault," she countered, her persona changing as well.
"I'm not 'blaming' anyone. I just want to know what happened to us. We used to be each other's best friend, each other's everything. We haven't laughed in months. Hell, we haven't even talked in months. We don't tell each other what's on our minds. I can't hold you anymore or kiss you. I mean, Jesus... Look at you. You're perfect. Everything about you is perfect. You made me who I am. And all I want is to be with you."
I ran a hand through my hair and I saw tears fall from her eyes.
"I spend too many hours in my own head, wondering if I spend nearly as many in yours," I said. "But from the looks of it... I don't think I do."
She shook her head. "I can't do this right now."
And then she walked away, the sound of the bedroom door being shut following soon after.
My jaw hung open slightly as I huffed out a breath, unable to stand seeing us like this.
His words were always floating somewhere in my head, though.
Sometimes enough is enough.
Those were the ones I heard most. Those were the ones that haunted me.
Now, she had been lounged out on the couch all day reading some 500 page book. Every time I walked past her she was sitting a different way. One minute she'd be there with her knees to her chest and the next she'd have her feet thrown over the top with her head barely on the cushion. She had on a red hoodie and a blue pair of sweatpants with pink owl socks. The sweatshirt nearly swallowed her because it was about two sizes too big. And, as usual, her hair wasn't down. She still looked pretty, though. There was no denying that.
Whenever Paige read a book, or even anything with words, she would hum. I don't think it was anything in particular, just noise, but it had almost become a habit. It made me smile, honestly.
She brought out the best in you and made you happy, Kris.
Marc-Andre was having dinner at his house and invited some people over. She was one of Vero's friends. Everyone was engaged in a conversation, but I couldn't relate. After all, I was new to Pittsburgh and my English was even worse than it is now. I was terrified. She talked to me, though, and made me feel included. She helped me be more outgoing and taught me how to come out of my shell. I mean, I was still shy to a certain degree, but it was much worse before Paige.
It was the little things that really got me, though.
I was sitting at the kitchen table paying bills when I saw her figure appear a few feet away, the book in her left hand. I put the pen down, completely disregarding the papers in front of me, and looked up to her.
Trying to suppress a yawn, her eyes were fixed on the string of the hoodie she was playing with. "I'm going to bed," she said.
I glanced to my left in search of the time. It wasn't even 9:30.
"Okay," I nodded. "I'll be there in a little bit. I have to finish with these bills and then I was going to make myself something to eat."
"No. It's fine. You don't need to hurry or anything. I'll probably just put the news on and fall asleep."
She began to retreat to our bedroom.
"Why won't you look at me anymore?"
"What?" she asked, turning back around.
"Why won't you look at me?" I repeated. "Why won't you touch me, or just talk to me?"
"I do."
"No you don't. Not like you used to."
"Kris--"
Her voice was cracking. She stopped herself, unsure of what to say. Her eyes filled with water as she crossed her arms, dragging her toes on the floor in small circles. I knew it would turn into this. Every time I said something about how things have changed she always got upset. And in return it made me upset, especially since I knew that I had caused it. I hated myself for that.
I sighed, looking up to her. "What happened to us, Paige?"
"Nothing happened to us. We're the same as we've always been."
"Oh, that's such bullshit," I said, my voice picking up. "That's bullshit and you know it."
"Don't you dare blame this on me. This isn't my fault," she countered, her persona changing as well.
"I'm not 'blaming' anyone. I just want to know what happened to us. We used to be each other's best friend, each other's everything. We haven't laughed in months. Hell, we haven't even talked in months. We don't tell each other what's on our minds. I can't hold you anymore or kiss you. I mean, Jesus... Look at you. You're perfect. Everything about you is perfect. You made me who I am. And all I want is to be with you."
I ran a hand through my hair and I saw tears fall from her eyes.
"I spend too many hours in my own head, wondering if I spend nearly as many in yours," I said. "But from the looks of it... I don't think I do."
She shook her head. "I can't do this right now."
And then she walked away, the sound of the bedroom door being shut following soon after.
My jaw hung open slightly as I huffed out a breath, unable to stand seeing us like this.
♠ ♠ ♠
Thanks for reading :)