Shelter

Alex had been going to therapy twice a week for a little over a month now, and Jack couldn’t be more proud of him. He was actually enjoying the therapy sessions, something Jack never thought he’d see in his lifetime. He was doing better too. There weren’t as many nightmares and while his anxiety attacks still happened, they weren’t nearly as frequent or as terrible.

But Jack was currently sitting on his couch, alone, stressing out slightly over Alex. He and his therapist had agreed that he should spend some time away from Jack and try to control his anxiety on his own. Jack wasn’t happy about the fact that Alex was across town where he couldn’t comfort him, but he knew it was good for him. Both of them, really.

Jack finally called Zack, needing to talk to someone so he wouldn’t be bored out of his mind. “Zack, I’m bored,” Jack whined when he picked up.

“Is that what you called to tell me?” Zack chuckled.

“No, I wanted to talk to you – we’ve barely since you got back from California. Plus I can’t hang out with Alex, so…”

Zack groaned, “Do you want me to come hang out with you? I don’t feel like listening to you whine about Alex over the phone. At least let me play a video game while you do it.”

“Deal. Get your ass over here.”

Zack walked into Jack’s house ten minutes later, an over-eager Jack waiting for him. “You look happy to see me.”

“I haven’t made human contact in like four days. It’s like I’m back in contact with the outside world,” Jack said, throwing his arms around Zack dramatically.

Zack chuckled, “Yeah, okay. You’re linked to the outside world enough – I’ve seen how much you tweet all day.”

“Guilty. C’mon, I set up Madden. We can play against each other,” Jack said, leading him into the living room. The two of them played for a while, lost in the game, before Zack started to make conversation again.

“So how has Alex been doing with his therapy?” Zack asked, cussing under his breath as Jack scored against his team.

“He’s been doing really well, actually. His nightmares are better but his anxiety attacks were still happening quite a bit. Not as bad as before. His mood is way better too. He’s so much happier and he’s not so down about himself,” Jack explained.

“That’s good. How has he been this week, without seeing you?”

Jack sighed. “Okay, I guess. Rian told me that Alex had a bad nightmare the second night and has had some anxiety attacks. He’s learning to cope without me, apparently,” he said in a dull tone.

“Aw, are you sad that Alex doesn’t need you so much anymore?” Zack teased, shooting a grin at him. Jack punched him in the shoulder and Zack just laughed.

“I’m kinda bummed that he isn’t so reliant on me, to be honest, but at the same time I’m really proud of him for taking the step to control his anxiety,” Jack admitted. “It’s just weird, you know? It’s been over four years since his anxiety attacks started.”

“I know what you mean, bro.”

The two of them played video games for a little while longer, cussing at each other every time they scored points against each other. After two hours they were finally bored, and Zack checked the time on his phone. It was about six in the evening.

“Hey, do you want to go up to the bar and hang out? You look like you need a drink to get all this Alex stuff off your mind,” Zack said, seeing the worry back on Jack’s face as Jack checked his texts.

Jack smiled a little. Zack knew him so well. “Sure, let’s go.”

--------------------

The bar was fun. Jack had a great time drinking, laughing, and talking with some friends he hadn’t seen in a long time. It felt good to loosen up and not worry so much about Alex.

Plus, it wasn’t fun to get drunk by himself at home. He hadn’t had a lot of alcohol since the last day of tour, except for when he and Alex had some at his house.

The worry-free atmosphere didn’t last long though. Around nine o’clock, Jack got a text from Rian. He immediately frowned as he read the message, and Zack tapped him on the knee. “What’s wrong?”

“Rian texted,” Jack said, handing his phone to Zack so he could see.

From: Rian
Jack, Alex is having an anxiety attack again. It’s the worst one all week. He’s been acting unusually anxious and weird and moody all day, I’m getting worried… he won’t leave his room or let me come in.

Zack gave Jack a puzzled look, handing the phone back. Jack typed out a quick reply.

From: Jack
Technically I’m not supposed to see him this week.

Rian replied within a minute.

From: Rian
I don’t care. I’d rather have Alex depend on you than be depressed or whatever.

Jack sighed. “Zack, will you please drive me over to Alex and Rian’s house? You’re a little less intoxicated than I am.”

“Sure.”

They said goodbye to their friends at the bar before heading over to Alex and Rian’s house. It only took a few minutes, since it was just a few streets away. The door was unlocked so they both walked inside.

“Oh good, you came,” Rian sighed in relief when he saw them. “Alex is upstairs in his room.”

Jack headed upstairs, leaving Zack to hang out with Rian. He knocked on Alex's door, and heard Alex yell, “I told you to leave me alone, Rian!”

“It's me, Lex,” Jack said softly.

It was quiet for a few seconds before Alex said quietly, “The door's unlocked.”

Jack opened the door and shut it behind him, walking over to Alex. He was sitting on his bed with his arms wrapped around his knees. “Hey.”

“You aren't supposed to be here,” Alex stated, avoiding Jack's eyes.

“I know, but Rian was really worried about you. What's wrong?” Jack asked, sitting down beside him. Alex sighed heavily.

“I had a bad anxiety attack earlier, so I've been anxious all day and I'm mad at myself.”

“Well you shouldn't be so mad about that,” Jack tried to reason.

Alex looked up at him, on the verge of tears. “Jack, all I wanted to do was go a whole week without you. Just one week. I wanted to deal with my anxiety and shit myself, without your help. But I couldn't. I wanted you here all day today but I was afraid to call and ask you. That’s why I’m mad at myself – because I’m too fucking weak to help myself for even a week.”

Jack hugged him, “Everyone has bad days, Lex. Having someone to lean on is good. It means you don't have to go through stuff alone. The fact that you managed to make it through almost six days without me is impressive compared to how you used to feel.”

“I am doing better than before,” Alex admitted.

“See? You're taking baby steps toward your goal. And it's working just fine, so don't worry,” Jack said, running a hand through Alex's hair. Alex hugged him tightly, making them fall backwards so they were lying down on the bed. Jack kissed him on the forehead gently, asking. “Do you want me to stay here tonight?”

“Yes, please,” Alex mumbled, leaning his head on Jack's chest.